Of Cold and Warmth
by Elanra
Summary: Even with time passing by so quickly, Shion finds himself stopping to take a familiar trip; in which, he visits an old friend, to tell her of what remains the same and what has changed forever. Reunion fic.
1. Chapter 1

"_Faith is not simply a patience that passively suffers until the storm is past. Rather, it is a spirit that bears things - with resignations, yes, but above all, with blazing, serene hope._"  
**  
~ Corazon Aquino**

* * *

**_S_**

* * *

The previous night's snowfall had left a thick layer of snow stretching before Shion's figure as far as he could see through countless marble gravestones. It crunched beneath his feet with each step, leaving holes at their wake, at least four inches deep on the ground and aligned neatly, for their owner's pace was anything but hurried.

**Rose Memorial Cemetery**

Shion barely glanced at the plain inscription carved artfully on the stone arch. The coldness of the wrought iron gate's door prickled his hand even through the woolen gloves his mother had given him. As he withdrew his hand, thin fibers of wool stuck frozen on the icy iron bar he had held. They idly caught the generous light of the morning sun. The golden light bathed everything with a weak warmth and reflected off of every snow ridden surface. Shion looked up at the sky; towards beyond the gate's arch and squinted his eyes at the rays cutting through clouds of pure white. So bright.. even as it continued to snow. The gate door soundlessly turned on its well-maintained hinges and closed behind him. It was so quiet; Shion could almost hear the lazily falling snow around him.

_Four lines on the left and twenty two rows ahead._

Shion didn't need any guide nor did he felt an urge to check the names on the pale blue gravestones of marble. He had come here countless times before. He knew exactly where he was going. Just as he knew every single name inscribed on the headstones.

_I really took my time this time, _Shion though as he pulled his scarf down his face. His exhales materialized in ghastly white puffs and dissolved in air, as with each step, he inevitably disturbed the snow and the mournful silence of the cemetery. There was no other living soul walking among the endless rows other than him. He was completely alone apart from thousands and thousands of representative graves. Shion climbed up a mild slope through the rows with a confident familiarity and did not stop until he was under the sublime shadow of a snow glazed beech tree. Right below the canopy of its bare branches was the gravestone Shion had come to visit.

Rising pale blue and bright from the snow that embraced it, the headstone with silver inscriptions was just like how Shion had left it the last time he had been here. Only now it was supporting a white hat made of fresh snow. Shion smiled lightly at the memory of many hand-knitted hats and beanies his friend had worn with pride. He left the snow untouched and crouched before the headstone. Reaching out a gloved hand, he ran his fingers across his friend's name and the elegantly engraved figure of a wren in flight on the marble's smooth surface.

"I am sorry for not visiting sooner, Safu," Shion murmured. He felt like the air around him had heaved a deep, exasperated sigh, much like his best friend used to do at him. Shion couldn't help the second smile that fell on his lips.

"I know I am the worst. I was supposed to visit you weeks ago." Eyes of crimson absently glanced over the headstone, taking in everything but focusing on nothing in particular.

There was a pause.

"He is back, Safu."

Shion felt his heart tighten in his chest as the words fell from his lips. Would he ever get used to it? Would there ever be a day, that man's return would not feel so unreal to him? Would he ever wake up some day in the future and not be surprised by the warmth next to him?

"He came back six weeks ago. That's why I couldn't visit you. I was… I guess I was trying to adjust."

Ever since they had met at the age of two, for fourteen years Shion had known her, he had never been the friend Safu had deserved to have. He had kept her in the dark, he had not shared with her what was in his heart and he had not considered his best friend's feelings as he had selfishly expected her to settle with what little he **_had_** given her when Safu on the other hand, had given him everything she had. Only after losing her, had Shion understood how horribly he had treated his friend. It was too late now to make amends, to ask for forgiveness for his mistakes or to change what he had done to her. It was too late and Shion knew it but ever since she was gone, Shion had still found himself here every time he had needed someone to talk, someone to reveal his deepest secrets, his most frightening nightmares and his fragile hopes. He knew it would make no difference. He knew Safu was gone and opening his heart to her now wouldn't mean a thing but he still hadn't been able to stop his feet from coming here every single time he needed what Safu had always been to him; his best friend.

A large snowflake landed lightly on top of his outstretched hand. Glistening as it sat on his woolen glove; it slowly melted into the fiber, cooling Shion's skin beneath it.

"There was no typhoon this time. Or no explosions," Shion added with a light smile. "It **was** raining though. It had been raining for three consecutive days. Some areas in the West Block had flooded and the Committee sent aid. I had been working on the evacuation and replacement plans on that night. Remember I told you about the residential village we are building in the south, Safu? I proposed we moved the people there into the houses that are complete."

Shion withdrew his hand as he let his knees sink into the snow. Placing both hands on his lap, Shion looked up at the sky only to find it partially blocked with the frozen branches of the old beech tree. They swayed lazily in the light winter breeze; a muted image alone, for they had no leaves left to compose the gentle rustling sound Shion had listened to on his visits in warmer seasons.

"I couldn't sleep that night… No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't sleep. I kept hearing the rain… Rain always makes me think about him. I think already told you that. "

Looking down at the name of his best friend, Shion thought he could still hear the rain.

_It was pattering relentlessly against his window as water trails reflected on Shion's ceiling. He laid still in his bed, in a tangle of sheets he didn't attempt to free himself from and questions he could not answer. Nature's effortless rhythm was strangely in sync with his own blood rushing in his ears._

_Shion couldn't sleep. He didn't want to. There was a part of him that was terrified of what the dreams would show him tonight. He wasn't afraid of nightmares. Not that night. He never had nightmares when it rained. He knew what awaited him beyond the border of reality was something much more painful. Something that would take his breath away with the fiery glow of grey eyes; bring him to his knees with the entirely too convincing feel of a pair of hardened hands and wake him up chocking on dry sobs as his lips burned with the velvety fire of another set of lips pressing against his own. The tormenting memory of the bright spring morning that Nezumi had left him on a hill… Dreams that brought __**him**__ back to Shion over and over again. In the lethargic haze of summer sunsets. During the peak of a rabid snowstorm. As he walked through trees clad in colors of autumn and laid in the middle of a field of sunflowers in spring… Dreams he found himself wrapped in his warmth; warmth so real it brought tears in his eyes even as he slept. That was what awaited him that night._

"That's why I couldn't sleep," Shion murmured to his dead friend as he closed his eyes. "I knew if I fell asleep, I would dream about him. It was raining and I always dream about him when it rains." He opened his eyes to look at his friend's name. Shion knew she would understand. **Only **she would understand. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat.

"Maybe that's why… maybe for that reason when I saw him, I believed it was a dream."

* * *

_**N**_

* * *

At a certain point, rereading a novel becomes less of a rereading and more of a recalling. It becomes more like the story is drawn straight from the confines of one's subconscious mind and then played like a recording, but, perhaps that was only true for his own memory; maybe, only his worked in such a manner. After all, being an actor meant rehearsing lines again and again until they sprang to the mouth, out the lips, like a second nature—always on time, always on cue. This manner of memorization would naturally one day become part of his everyday life, and now that it had, a hobby as simple as reading became.. a bit different.  
On any other day, grey eyes would scan over the wonted letters, completely immersed within the tale regardless of how easily he could recall it. The story would receive his full attention (or at least, the majority of it, depending on Shion's whereabouts). Today, however, the book rested spine up. The pages fanned out against his chest as they had for a good half hour, but the words themselves continued onward in his mind, drawn from the past. It was a means of keeping his conscious busy, and yet, it still strayed.  
His attention rose upward toward the ceiling, one that was becoming awfully familiar as of late. Even lying on the sofa, stretched out comfortably with his hands folded behind his head, Nezumi couldn't help but realize just how accustomed to this apartment he was becoming.  
_..It's been what… six weeks?_  
He couldn't help but frown, rolling onto his side. The novel tumbled downward only to be caught by his hand before it could fall against the carpet below. Placing it atop the coffee table, Nezumi sat up, running his fingers lazily through his bangs. That frown remained all the while.  
_..Six weeks, and I'm already—_  
A small chuckle followed by a shake of the head: the frown fell away.  
_—Like Hell I'm getting used to this. It doesn't feel like I've been here that long.. and yet.._  
And yet, he had.

Roping his arms around his leg, Nezumi rested his forehead against his knee.  
He was alone today, and that didn't bother him. However, it didn't stop him from being hyper aware of what was lacking in his new-found routine.  
Usually days such as these, Shion would be wandering around the flat, prattling on about this and that. Sure, Nezumi would tune out a good lot of the nonsense, but he'd catch the bulk of his ideas, his new proposals with the committee, and his hopes to continue reconstructing the city into something worthy of that second chance they were all given; in those moments, Nezumi would always find himself silently commending Shion's growth. Afterward, they would sometimes sit together in the quiet, indulging in their own hobbies, but the fact was: they were together at almost every spare moment since his return, and even more so on Shion's off days, when he wasn't waking up with the dawn, climbing out of bed, stealing all the warmth away, and not returning until the late afternoon. Even so, here Nezumi sat, alone, and at a bit of a loss on how to occupy himself with the typical novel failing him.  
To be clear, he wasn't lonely, _just alone_, but more than that, he was alone with his own thoughts, ones about something as fickle as time and how it had passed. He needed a better distraction.

The gentle snowfall just outside the window caught his attention. It seemed winter was finally here, with all its frigid tendencies, such as these random bouts of snow. He'd be lying if he said he was fond of the cold. Rising from the sofa, Nezumi tugged the afghan along with him, pulling it upward around his shoulders, and trying to banish the chill as he approached the window. It didn't help all that much. Fabrics, sadly, didn't supply their own heat; they merely captured the heat of the wearer and returned it.  
Standing before the window, Nezumi peered through the glass at the calm descent of white. It felt as if suddenly, all this rushing and racing had a means of ceasing. The snow could swallow up the entire city, conceal it beneath a blanket of frost, and contain it in a hush for as long as it so desired. It was an oddly tranquil feeling, one that quieted his restless mind for a moment, the same way the icy rainfall had weeks ago..

_That day, there had been a storm overhead, not a chaotic typhoon, but a thick rainstorm, one that had hung over the city for three days. It made his scaling of the balcony far more difficult than previously anticipated. The darkness had been expected, welcomed actually. He hadn't a fondness for traveling by daylight, especially not when he was slipping away into a home without a formal invitation, but all the same, his movements, up the rain slicked bars, were careful, precise in a way that Nezumi always prided himself in. However, they were also hurried, like he couldn't climb fast enough, as if time was at a limit and he was down to the final seconds. _  
_ Maybe that was why he had found himself splurging for a train ticket rather than weathering a six month hike back to No.6. Four years had been long enough; he had been ready to come back, to come home. At least, that's what he told himself when he spent every last silver he had for a full ride back._  
_ Over the course of the entire train ride, seated alone, glancing out the window at the passing scenery, his thoughts were strictly on Shion. He thought of what he might say, how he might approach the other man, what had changed and what would be the same, but most of all, he thought about how all this would even fucking work in the first place. Questions flooded his mind on if his actions were too hasty, if he was actually ready to return, and if it was too late. The doubts were piling up a-dime-a-dozen, and yet, he had steeled himself to his choice._  
_ Now or never._  
_ A vow had been made atop that hill; he had sworn that the two of them would be reunited, and constantly, Shion's promise to wait resounded in his mind, whispered in his ear, until finally, he knew it was time. After all he had seen on his trip, after all he had learned, he just finally knew he needed to make good on that oath. A frightened child no more; he was ready to return a man, ready to face the one person in this world who cared for him, the only person who he could willingly let shackle him in place. Wanderlust cured for the time being, Nezumi was willing to commit to whatever life would be like upon his return, to whatever his return _meant_ to Shion._

_The doubts returned though the moment his feet were firmly planted on the balcony. Taking those final steps, slipping through the sliding doors: it was suddenly impossible, like a whole new journey stretched out ahead of him. He had decided on his manner of entry for the familiarity of it. This was supposed to make it easier, make him less anxious, and yet, it just made him notice the single factor that was missing. There wasn't a call welcoming him inside: only a darkened apartment._  
_ It was possible that Shion had stopped waiting. Perhaps, Nezumi was about to attempt walking into a life already full, one in which Shion was surrounded by others much like himself, people his vibrant nature had drawn in. If he had stopped waiting, that would be fine, wouldn't it? If he had just moved forward and realized that there was far more to life than Nezumi? Of course. A life on standby just didn't suit Shion, so it would all be for the best if he decided Nezumi had taken too long, if he had decided he deserved better than waiting._  
_ But if he _were_ still waiting.._

_The air he sucked in had a bite to it, a chill that filled his lungs. Pushing the scarf from over his head, Nezumi tilted his head back, letting the rain droplets cascade downward catching in his lashes, trailing across his cheeks, falling along his lips, and off his chin. It was cool and refreshing, but it also awakened his senses, shocking his system and forcing him to face what was in front of him. _  
_ This was it: the point of no return. It was different from before, but it still had that encroaching fear to it that left him full of uncertainty; Still, he wanted to confront this, to finally understand what he hadn't all that time ago._  
_ If Shion had waited four years, surely he could wait a few more minutes as Nezumi drew in another deep breath, preparing himself mentally for what awaited him beyond those doors._

* * *

_**S**_

* * *

_The pale silver of dawn had seeped into the night, dyeing the dark clouds huddled in the east horizon with a dull grey. It was still raining without a break. It felt like there was a crack in the sky; an ocean of water pouring into the world they inhabited unknowing of what dwelled above the heavens. It was one of the quietest downpours Shion had ever witnessed. There was not a single flash of lightning shattering the sky in jolts of brilliant white, not a single thunder reverberating across the land and shaking window glasses in their panes and not a gust of wind roaring among the trees outside Shion's apartment. It was all muted in a chilling calm apart from the swishing sound of the rain._

_Having spent almost the entire night lying awake in his bed, Shion's eyes of crimson absently watched the gradual lightening of the sky._

_It didn't matter how empty he felt inside, the world was still turning. It didn't matter how the core of his being felt numb and bereft of life and infinitely hollow, the sun would rise, seasons would change, time would flow; days rolling into weeks, weeks into months, months into years. And Shion would remain, his heart forever missing a beat upon hearing his own name being called and dropping heavy and bitter in his stomach upon realizing it was not the voice he wanted to hear. He would remain, fixed and stationary, a harbor with a single dock, a single bollard; a harbor waiting for a single ship that might never come._

_He didn't complain though. He didn't think his life, as it was, was horrible. He knew he was one of the lucky ones. He had seen so much with __**that person**__ who had changed his life. He had heard of stories of parents leaving their babies in garbage cans so they wouldn't have another stomach to fill. He had watched people freeze to death in the streets of a district that was in immediate proximity with the richest city state left on Earth. He had had his food stolen, his body beaten, his heart weakened and his ideas, beliefs, opinions altered. He knew more about the world now than he did four years ago but he wasn't arrogant to claim he knew enough. He knew he was lucky. He knew he was strong, as well as weak. Knowledgeable, as well as ignorant. And selfless… as well as selfish. He was human._

_He was as human as anyone._

_No one replied to his silent questions in his dark bedroom. No comfort was given to his restless mind. It was still too early for the shadows to recede back into their nooks and corners and impenetrable indents. They still reigned over the approaching dawn. Shion realized sleep would not come to him tonight either… At least not the sort of dreamless rest he needed. This would be the third night he was giving up on it. He knew he could lie there all he wanted and it still wouldn't change the outcome… Shion was scared of the pain. He felt sick to the stomach at how weak he was but he was terrified of the pain __**that person**__'s absence had left behind. He had believed it would get better in time. That he would learn to be stronger; his heart ever so unwavering, his faith unshakable. But it had got worse. With each passing day, hopelessness bled into his soul like thick drops of ink on white paper. It spread within his body and made him feel broken, unfamiliarly foreign, so… lost in his own skin. He couldn't help but think every time he gave in to his longing, his yearning for the man with grey eyes; it was eating away a part of him. Every time he curled up on his bed thinking about his warmth.. his smell.. his __**taste**__, with his hand in between his legs; dragging out a release that gave him no peace, with his heart a painful mess, his eyes burning with tears… he felt like he was being reduced to something less and less._

–_Where are you?_

_Shion silently called out to the sky._

_–__When will you be back?_

_– __And me…_

_–__Will I still be me when your gaze finds mine again? Without your eyes keeping me on course who will I have become? You have only ever asked me for one thing, Nezumi. You told me not to change. You cried because you didn't want me to change. You cried for me. What if I am already someone else? Will you still want to keep your promise then?_

_Only the rain fell in response._

_Shion pushed the bed covers off of him and got out of bed. He could as well work on the evacuation plans for the rest of the people in West Block instead of lying there idle. There were flood-likely areas in the district and after the night's relentless rain, Shion was pretty much certain the people already needed new housing. Pulling a black shirt over his grey sweatpants, Shion walked out of his bedroom, stopping on his way out to take a hairpin from his nightstand. He tied his hair in a low ponytail as he walked barefoot on carpeted floor._

_As he waited his coffee machine to give him a huge cup of black coffee, Shion walked over to the small pet bed in the living room. Huddled in a corner, Tsukiyo was asleep on it. Shion gently brushed his fingers down his back and scratched his head. His whiskers twitched and his eyes opened in slits, revealing a pair of weary eyes. Tsukiyo was getting on in his years. He slept more now than he was awake and there was no sign of the quick scurry of his younger days. Shion had made extensive research about mice and had come to the realization, had Tsukiyo been any other rat, he would have died already._

_He often wondered whether he was also waiting. In his own terms and his own will, was the little mouse also waiting? Waiting to see his old master and his two friends before he allowed himself to sleep one last time… Somehow this thought gave him a bit of courage. And a healthy dose of embarrassment. Compared to Tsukiyo's silent dedication and loyalty, Shion's own struggle was a pathetic display. He still found consolation in his old companion. In the mere thought that he was not alone in waiting. _

_Hearing his coffee machine fill his cup with hot coffee, Shion rose from beside the pet bed and took his cup from the counter. His mobile computer was in his bedroom so he went back in there, sipping from the cup as he moved as soundlessly as a ghost in his apartment. His desk was on the other side of his room, pushed against a wall of a spacious bathroom. Shion glanced out of the window as he walked past the balcony in the bedroom and… he froze where he stood._

_Shion hadn't pulled the curtains all the way the night before. Maybe it was because he already knew he wouldn't be sleeping anyway or because he wasn't quite fond of darkness anymore, he had left around fifteen to twenty inches of space open. The lightening sky showing through two columns of pitch black curtains… was blocked by a figure._

_There was someone out on his balcony._

_Shion's heart picked up as he slowly turned to his right, facing the sliding door to the balcony. He took a hesitant step forward. The cup in his hand was slightly shaking as he tried to steady himself. Taking another step, Shion extended his free hand and curled his fingers around the curtain. He could almost see the figure blocking the view. A black shadow standing before the greying sky and the dark plantation below, standing unmoving under the downpour. He felt the hair on his arms stand._

_Shion slowly pulled the curtain open._

_The first thing he saw was the cloak. Draped around the slender figure and drenched in rain, dripping water droplets on the balcony tiles. Black leather boots, each with three parallel buckles that fastened at the outer sides. Long legs clad in rain darkened jeans. Leather jacket. Gloved hands in its pockets. The cloak… __**the superfiber scarf, **__Shion knew, was wrapped around the neck._

_His face was raised upwards. Towards the leaking sky. Towards the yet to be lightened darkness stretching across the west horizon, above Shion's apartment. Eyes closed, face relaxed, lips slightly parted. Shion could see his exhales rise in rhythmic fumes before being swallowed in the falling rain. He was soaked to the bones. There wasn't an inch of him that was not drenched in rain and yet he stood under the downpour as if it was a sunny summer morning. Still as intangible from the nature as ever._

_Shion decided sometime during the night he had fallen asleep. This was a dream. He had tried his hardest to stay awake, to not have this happen to him again, to not wake up and find himself alone in an empty bed again. He could already feel his heart being cut open, his entire being drawn to the figure standing outside his door as he longed for his warmth in his arms. He had never dreamt of him like this before. This was so rich, so inexplicably mystic that it took his breath away. He was so beautiful in a way Shion had never seen him be. He was unbearably beautiful, and it hurt, and his whole body ached, every temporarily mended wound bursting open and Shion felt his hands shake uncontrollably as tears began to fall._

_He dropped his cup and heard it shatter into pieces on the tiles; much like his heart did._

* * *

**_N_**

* * *

_He hadn't an endless amount of minutes, at the most, only sixty—a single hour. And already, the seconds within those minutes were ticking away rapidly, servicing as a constant reminder of what he was wasting. But there was still enough time left for it if he actually wanted to: if he wanted to deviate from the original plan, give into all the building doubts and fears, just let them swallow up the final bit of resolve keeping him grounded, he could. And then, only then could he be free, for real this time. Every little ounce of responsibility he had poured into that promise four years ago, he could just call it void and steal away into the night, escape all that awaited him beyond this point. Just like that, it'd be done with. He could turn his back on Shion, put him in the past, and move forward._

_But no.. that wasn't right._  
_Reunion would come, that was the vow, and that would ring true.. eventually._

_It's been four years.. He's probably moved forward.  
_ _I left to begin with.. What right did I have to expect him to just wait?  
Maybe.. I'm the one who's part of _his_ past. That's fine by me though, isn't it? It's what I wanted in the first place._

_It all sank in, snaked its way through his pores into his veins and circulated—these restless thoughts that he knew could tempt him toward the road once more. They could push him away again, not for himself this time, but strictly for Shion. Time hadn't stopped when he left; it marched onward, and surely, Shion had found some sort of hope to grasp onto, something that could help him soldier through anything that stood in his way. He was strong, much stronger than Nezumi originally believed. If he had moved on, then it was only right to walk away, to not uproot any sort of normalcy that Shion had maintained in his new lifestyle. Nezumi had always been this strange outlier, the glitch in the system. He was the one thing that never belonged in Shion's life to begin with._  
_ However, on the off chance that Shion _had_ waited patiently, that he remained the beacon, through storm and shine, to guide Nezumi on his journey home.. then that came with its own list of cons. If he returned to face all those pure intentions, those pure affections, and everything Shion offered, then he'd have to commit himself to one thing: staying. Until his final days, until time ceased its movement for the two of them, he would have to stand fast through thick and thin. He'd have to pluck his own wings and hold out his wrists willingly for the shackles. The luxury of straying, of wandering off would become a thing of the past, so the question was: freedom or stability, which did he really crave?_  
_ Life on the road had been difficult in itself. It had worn him down, left him exhausted to the point where all he wanted was a place to hang his coat, a pillow to rest his head on, somewhere that upon opening the door, he'd be greeted with a "welcome back". But, he had to ask himself another question: was this feeling temporary? Was this just some fleeting fantasy he had conjured up upon realizing that the world wasn't as remarkable as the novels portrayed it to be? Would he still feel this longing for a home in a year? What about in a month? A week? How long could he honestly remain stationary?_

_Droplets beat down against his face, running down into the folds of his scarf, painting damp trails along his skin through his clothes; he was soaked to the bone, and for a solitary moment, he thought of raising his arms, of lifting them to the sky and asking to be drawn in. Why couldn't he be swept up in the rainfall and relieved of this duty, of this choice. Let someone else make it. His life had already been turned into some elaborate foreordained fairy tale, so why not just add another predestined event to the mix? Come on, someone upstairs had to have some idea of how this should go, right?_  
_ ..No. _  
_ Not right. _  
_ This was his own personal crossroads, the point where whichever road he walked was completely of his own accord. No one could decide for him._

_Am I truly ready?_  
_ Am I ready.. for you, Shion?_

_Even with his eyes closed, with the darkness of night still lingering and the rain masking what little light there was behind thick ash colored clouds, Nezumi knew the dawn was fast approaching. Soon, it would break over the horizon. Beams of light would shoot across the city and illuminate every drop of rain. The city would be enveloped in a glimmering splendor without a single shadow left, thus he'd have nowhere to hide. Before that happened, a decision had to be made as to which path he'd take. There was a limit on just how much longer he could dither._

_Hands drew into tight fists within his pockets. Lips parted taking in a shaken breath and exhaling it as a soft puff of heat into the crisp, yet bitter, chill of late autumn. The rain continued to wash over him. It showered down on him and washed away his tension. It left the idea that perhaps, this wasn't as difficult as he thought. Maybe, it was all just a matter of letting go. Natural thought and logic had him viewing the situation in simple terms: black and white, good or bad. But one look into the sky above revealed the same truth he was denying, the one that Shion had opened his eyes to years ago, the world was a vast expansion of shades. There was more to it than he originally believed. There was an uncertain grey area; there was neutrality. There was a third option. _  
_ He couldn't remain fixed in place forever, stuck in some impasse; he had to step forward._

_I want to face you._  
_ I want to see you again, that's why I came here in the first place. I'm tired of running away._

_Another breath, just one more, lengthy, drawn out, he knew he had to make his move. At this very moment, he was alive and standing here because of that boy—no, that man—inside the apartment that this very balcony belonged to. Tasting the rain on his tongue, catching the scent of it in the air, even basking in the downpour was only possible because of their paths crossing eight years ago. Time had passed, and they had been drawn together again; the debt was repaid. But now, here he stood, no debts to repay, no reason to return aside from a vow and a feeling. A feeling that had only strengthen during their time apart, one that left him feeling energized and invigorated yet also vulnerable and exposed, as if every part of him was under scrutiny._  
_ Just thinking of the intensity of those bright eyes brought forth the sensation them cutting through the darkness and gazing upon him, splitting him wide open to view all those hidden parts, the ones he had never intended to reveal. It felt as if Shion was staring right through him, like maybe those—_

_A loud shatter followed by the skating sound of shards across tiles, tore his gaze away from the sky; grey eyes were startled wide, like those of a hunted animal. The source of the noise, he knew he had to find it, silence it or else Shion would hear, he'd stir from his sleep and—but the cup was there. The remains of it, a mess of liquid and jagged edges, rested at Shion's feet._  
_ He was standing in the door way, hands trembling, clearly unable to grasp at anything, white hair tousled messily around his face with bits drawn back into a small ponytail, and eyes, far more startled than Nezumi's, that contrasted heavily with that colorless face. It was as if Shion had seen a ghost, a mere shadow dancing before him, something otherworldly and fanciful, something so breathtaking that it forced him to tears—but this thing, whatever it was, just couldn't be a part of reality. And that look alone made Nezumi's heart sink, that look alone kept him weighed in place—he couldn't run: not now, not ever again._

_Lips moved, but his voice carried no sound. The pitter-patter of the rain swallowed up his whisper, and he was left not only immobilized but mute under that gaze. An inner cry called for him to move forward, to slide open the glass door between them and draw Shion into his arms, to run his fingers through that hair, test its softness against his memories, to stroke that familiar scar with his thumb, and to let his hands remember Shion the way his mind did, the way his thoughts and dreams had countless times over in the past four years, specifically in the past few months._

_..Shion.._  
_ The name resounded within him while the most vibrant and dreamlike months of his life replayed within an instant, but he remained just the same, as if he were froze in_ this _moment, not in the past, not in the ones that had brought him here in the first place, the ones that made life apart so excruciating. It all felt painfully clear now, the mere sight of Shion standing there, let him know what he wasn't sure of before. This was it, this was why he had returned, why he had to stay. This was what the world couldn't offer him. _  
_ He was ready, as ready as he could be, for Shion._

* * *

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

* * *

This is the first chapter of my roleplay thread with my partner A-Wanderer-No-More on Tumblr.

**Nezumi =** _A-Wanderer-No-More_. [a-wanderer-no-more. tumblr. com]  
**Shion =** Me at _Shion-of-No.6_ [shion-of-no6. tumblr. com]

This is a really long thread. I expect it to be around 10 chapters long. My partner and I decided on weekly updates here.  
I hope you'll enjoy it.

_**Preview image by Fujiroku **_**[** _fujiroku. tumblr. com_ **]**


	2. Chapter 2

_And all my days are trances,_  
_And all my nightly dreams_  
_Are where thy grey eye glances,_  
_And where thy footstep gleams-_  
_In what ethereal dances,_  
_By what eternal streams._

_~ **Edgar Allan Poe - **"To One in Paradise"_

_**S**_

* * *

All was silent.

The falling snow had lessened into mere fragments of powdery white; descending in a slow motion languor. The wind had quieted. The beech tree stood motionless. It felt like nature had held his breath as time had come to a grinding halt stretching from a suspended moment that had taken place six weeks ago and was now being recalled in the witnessing silence of a beloved friend.

Shion realized he was holding his breath as well. He released a long exhale; adding more white to the view expanding all around him. His knees had started to feel the cold of the snow they were buried in, but he paid it no heed. His mind registered nothing of the snowy morning of this early December day. His crimson gaze was locked on a pair of grey eyes only he could see. His pulse had quickened, his hands had closed into fists on his lap.

"It was a dream."

Shion's voice was barely a whisper; so low that it didn't even disrupt the reigning silence.

"I was convinced that it was. After four years of waiting for him, finally seeing him there didn't seem real. Everything about him seemed illusory. Every rational thought and logical course of deduction came to a single conclusion in my head as I watched him; _he is a dream_."

Shion smiled at his dead friend. No one was there to see the sadness in it. No one to watch his lips curl into the universal expression of joy but conveying nothing but unalloyed sadness.

"He was so beautiful, Safu. He looked so… so incredibly beautiful I couldn't believe my eyes. That should have been my hint though, right? There surely is a limit to what the human mind can fabricate."

The sound of his blood gushing in his ears built the entire scene before his eyelids the moment he closed his eyes.

_The sound in his ears, the endless whoosh of his blood was deafening him. The cup shattered and Nezumi's eyes shot wide open, gaze tracing the source of the sound in alarm and haste, pausing at his feet and slowly… slowly climbing up. Shion's fist was clamped so tight around the curtain his knuckles had gone white. His sight went blurry with tears he could not even attempt to stop. He idly wondered if he had finally lost his mind and the idea was so absurd it almost made him burst into laughter. Instead he stood still; unable to move, unable to speak, unable to even blink; entrapped in his own body as Nezumi's gaze moved upwards in a dilatory pace and finally locked with his own._

_The argent glow of brilliant grey Shion's crimson eyes feasted on was as breath-taking as ever. It ridiculed nature's own beauty that was forming a sublime dawn behind Nezumi's rain-battered figure. Mocking it as the sun was about to paint the sky anew the way it had eternally done even before any living soul could see it on the face of earth. Shion felt like it had taken Nezumi's eyes hours… __**years**__ to find his after hearing the cup shatter beneath his feet. But when they did Shion lost all perception of time. How long had it really been since he had last gazed into the luminescent glow of his eyes? How long had it truly been since he had felt his soul being picked up into the vastness of the sky, his heart enveloped in such warmth, his body reacting to it; every cell over-heating, every nerve being jolted awake from a long slumber, every heartbeat pounding against his ribcage?_

_Nezumi did not move. He made no attempt to close the distance –a mere several feet… or maybe __**miles**__– between them. He did not advance, nor did he back away. Shion watched his expression change from surprise to something inexplicable. Something so intense and so overwhelming it almost brought him to his knees. Nezumi pulled his fists out of his pocket. Gloved hands fell limp on either side of him; seeming void of all strength and rigidity. He swayed under the downpour as if he no longer had any power to stand undisturbed among the nature's relentless pattering._

_Eyes of grey bled into red and Shion was taken back in time. Memory after memory ascended from the vaults of his mind; invaluable fragments of their past, tucked away in the very depths of his heart. He heard every word Nezumi ever spoke to him, his voice ringing clear, rousing; evoking understanding, evoking devotion, evoking __**change **__within him__**. **__He listened to his own name gain sound on his lips; consonants pronounced with deliberate precision, vowels elongated with unexpected softness; over and over again. _An auditory delusion_, he told himself. He watched frames of crystal clear memories materialize behind his eyelids; memories of eight full years he had known the nameless boy with grey eyes. Twelve years old and wounded, standing in his room as he bled onto his floor without losing an ounce of light in his eyes. A boy so frail, so little in his borrowed sweater while he slept next to him. Sixteen years old and as unshakable as a rock, a storm contained in a human body with eyes of dawn. Pulling him from the ground, pressing a cold, wet cloth to his sweat coated forehead after fighting death with him; after saving his life. Hands brushing against his skin, touching his hair, eyes soothing worries, words bringing out the barest of truths. An existence that built the single truth Shion believed in. Shion's truth. The very core of his being._

**_I'll only ever yearn for him._**

_Tears helplessly cascaded down his face as the single sliding door between them became the line separating reality and fantasy. _'Or'_ he thought idly, _'sanity and madness'_. Nezumi held his gaze and it was all Shion could see. He saw thin lips part and tremble to form words but he did not hear them. And as the words Shion did not hear were drawn into the downpour, something in Nezumi's expression cracked and Shion felt his heart drop upon seeing Nezumi's gaze so unguarded. First it was longing; burning wild in the depths of his eyes. His gloved fingers twitched in response to an unfulfilled impulse. Then pain seeped into the yearning. A kind of pain Shion knew and recognized at once. The pain of their own incompleteness when they both knew they could only be complete with the other. The pain of being left behind, the pain of leaving. The pain of waiting, the pain of wandering. The pain of __**knowing the truth.**_

_Shion came to the realization with a staggering impact that he was not dreaming. He had never once seen Nezumi look at him this way, shedding layer after layer before his gaze, exposing his very soul, exposing his heart, exposing his __**plea. **__The word Shion could not catch gained an audible form in his mind as wind was knocked out of his lungs._

'Shion…'

_Nezumi had returned. He had come from the ends of the world back to him. He had the weight of over four years of traveling on his shoulders, earth permanently embedded in the soles of his feet; rain, snow, sunlight, storms and blizzards alike already tattooed on his skin; faces of all colors and shapes committed to memory; sights of the driest of lands and vastest of seas and prettiest of villages and ugliest of ruins painted behind his eyelids; he had climbed up Shion's balcony after over four years to fulfill three words, fulfill a promise he had uttered in one spring morning upon kissing him. He had dragged himself here and then he had found himself frozen in place. He had returned but he did not know whether he still had a place to return to. He did not know whether Shion was still waiting… whether a window was still open for him. This was as far as he could go._

_Shion's hand dropped from the curtain as it closed around the door lock. Almost stepping into the pile of shattered porcelain he willed his numb fingers to work, to co-operate, to function; the door to, God damn it, open. He didn't dare take his eyes off of Nezumi as panic, longing, need and something else he could not name expanded within his slender frame threatening to break him into pieces._

_Click._

_Pulling the sliding door aside with both hands Shion ran into the downpour, his bare feet slippery and unsteady on the wet tiles. He ran faster than he ever did; all thoughts left his mind as he let the pair of grey eyes pull him in. Rain washed the tears on his face, his heart throbbed in his throat and hands reached forward._

_Shion hit something solid and __**real. **__His hold was so strong the muscles in his arms protested, his lungs begged for air and Shion realized he could not breathe. Forcing an inhale he gulped down a scent that hit him with all its might and it made him dizzy and the floor was gone, and he was falling but he never hit the ground. The scent and the warmth and the firmness of the body against him wiped away the last bits of Shion's resilience and he broke down into an uncontrollable wave of sobs that left him breathless and aching in the arms of the one person his entire being; past, present and future, belonged to._

* * *

_**N**_

* * *

_The world itself felt changed. Within a set of swimming crimson eyes, Nezumi found himself bewildered. He was at a loss, a complete and utter lack of direction. However, it wasn't horrific nor could it be described as terrifying. Instead, it was a pleasant, dream-like feeling. Time and distance, both hadn't meaning in this instant. Poetic? Yes. Cliché? Of course. But no less true. The seconds raced forward, slowed down, rushed backward. The space between them increased, expanded, then condensed. Had it been a minute, an hour, or a day? Was it an inch, a foot, or a mile? He hadn't a clue. But the numbers and figures of it all were the last thing on his mind. What mattered was the fact that beyond that door was the sole person in this entire world that could invoke so much emotion within him. Shion, only Shion, could strip away the walls surrounding him. leave his defenses barren and him raw, exposed, and so very.._real_._  
_His own eyes betrayed his resolve to stand fast against the emotional onslaught. Steel grey gave way to a clouded, stormy shade, one reflecting all his desire, all his yearning, all his _craving _to close the space between them. He hadn't the strength though, his legs felt heavy, weighed in place. Chancing a step forward would be like a leap of faith, a silent hope that he wouldn't give way beneath the pressure. ..It was embarrassing, to say the least. Honestly, this hadn't ever been a part of his nature before, to just let himself be swept away by the occasion.. but that didn't make it any easier to fight against all the feelings washing over him, seeping into his core with far more ease than the downpour had previously. _  
_ Shion, eyes still looking toward his own, began to struggle against the lock on the door, and only then did Nezumi release that held breath. He was relieved. Sure, he had traveled far, miles atop of miles, upon more miles, and then some. The globe had been stamped with his footprints in city after city, but this gap between them, these few feet apart, he couldn't trek. Shion, however, seemed keen on coming to him. He had the will power to bridge the final distance, and draw them together once more._

_It felt so simple, so easy, so clear. No, surreal—that's what it truly was: this strange boarder between fantasy and reality, the reality he had clung to so desperately through the years. This was all so remarkable that it was impractical, improbable, impossible, but then again, wasn't that Shion? Everything he was removed all sense of reason—not that in the way that it was suddenly meaningless, but instead just that rules no longer applied. People, the ones that shouldn't open up, shouldn't let others in, did. Feelings, ones that shouldn't have been felt, shouldn't have existed, were. And events, ones that shouldn't have happened, shouldn't have occurred, had. The pair of them had met, against all odds, against all logic, their paths had crossed. And in the way that Shion always did, always could, he broke the foundation of who Nezumi was; he drew him in and made him lose himself. Shion had changed him forever, had left some imprint on him. Like an infection, that mark on him sank into his skin, circulated through his veins, took root in his heart, and intertwined itself deeply with his very being, and by the time he had realized its existence, it was far too late to cut it away. Shion had become a part of him. It had taken him four years to come to terms with that fact, the fact that Shion would never leave him, that he could never be erased or pushed into the back of Nezumi's mind. No, Shion was so vivid, so bright, and so spectacular. Shion was, simply put, Shion. He refused to be left in the dark forever. Even during their time apart, the ghost of his whisper haunted Nezumi, time after time, reminding him that he was waiting, and now, here Shion was._

_A small click, well, it should have been a quiet and miniscule one, but instead, it echoed in the early morning hours. It resounded off of every available surface with no intention of losing itself to the rain's natural melody._  
_ This was it, no turning back. But he didn't want to—not anymore._

_As Shion rushed toward him, water logged tiles beneath his feet attempting to trip him all the while, Nezumi's mind went blank. All those prepared lines, the savvy, sharp, and sly ones, were suddenly gone, along with all the classy, clever, and careful actions. He was left with an empty canvas unsure of how to approach painting it. The tools were all there, placed before him, waiting to assist him in constructing something beautiful, and his hands, they seemed so sure of what to do even without direction, as if by muscle memory, they just knew how to make something wondrous, so he let them._  
_ Shion collided with him, arms stretched outward, curling around him, squeezing him tightly, and on reflex, his own followed suit. They wrapped about Shion's waist securely, but before he could steady himself to the realization that Shion was truly here within his grasp—the other man's knees gave out. They were sinking downward, together, refusing to release one another._  
_ This was really happening._  
_ Knelt on the balcony, with Shion's arms circling him, his hands roamed up Shion's back, palms flat, feeling against the soaked fabric. Shion was burning with warmth even against the chilly late autumn rain. His heat was contagious, and that was something to be thankful of. His fingertips, still gloved, threaded within the other man's messed bedhead. Resting Shion's head against his shoulder, he pressed his own face against that familiar shock of white. It was longer than he remembered, but the scent hadn't change much. It was a smell that couldn't be masked regardless of where Shion lived, be it Chronos or West Block. This scent was distinctly Shion's, a familiar one that he hadn't ever intended to memorize, but somehow, had._

_**"**__**Shion.." **__The roughness of his own voice surprised him. It wasn't as calm and collected as he wished it could be at this time, but it was good enough, just a hushed name against the shell of Shion's ear. It was all he could think to say as he leaned back putting a minor distance between them. They were still so much closer now, possibly closer than they ever had been, so close that each one of Shion's breaths outward were ones he drew inward and vice versa. _  
_ Ash colored eyes scanned over Shion's face up close, hand running from its place in his hair toward his cheek before he realized something was wrong—_  
_ ..the gloves.. _  
_ Feeling through proxy wasn't going to work. It numbed the sense of touch far too much for his liking, and thus, Nezumi halted his caresses only to draw his hand away. Hastily, his teeth sank into the tip top of each digit, yanking his fingers free, before lifting it and biting down on the cuff of the glove. In a swift motion, he had it successfully off and dropped to the floorspace between them. The hand returned to traveling toward those damp, fair strains, brushing through them. On the right side, a few straights were casually tucked behind Shion's ear as his fingertips trailed downward to the scar gracing his fair cheek._  
_ He briefly considered teasing Shion about all those tears, about how if he kept sobbing like a baby, he'd need to clean himself up, and he sure as Hell wasn't using Nezumi's scarf for that. But instead, he kept quiet, cupping Shion's cheeks in his palms—they had lost a bit of roundness, but that was fine. Shion had grown some physically after all. With much care, Nezumi swept a few tears away, a calm smile touching his lips, eyes rising fully back toward Shion's._  
_ There was more to his gaze than he'd feel proud to admit, more than he'd dare to tell, and more that, no doubt, Shion could see, feel, and understand. After all, these were mutual feelings: the longing to see one another, the ache of how much time had passed them by, of how much they had missed to one another's lives, but also, the acceptance that this was all necessary for them, that they needed those four years apart to reach this point in time. It was all a means to an end, and this was the end, right here, the end of a journey the two of them had shared with a promise to reunite._

_Ever so gently, Nezumi retracted his gloved hand from Shion's cheek, slipping it back down and around his waist. His other hand tipped Shion's chin up. Something about this felt vaguely different, but he tried to pay no mind to it, tried not to accept that this kiss might hold more meaning than the last they shared, as he leaned forward, closing the space between their lips. Their oath had began with a kiss, and thus, it would be fulfilled with one—full circle._  
_ The intention was for it to be something soft and sweet, a child-like kiss with a witty comment afterward, and then things would flow per usual, but the moment he felt that familiar heat of Shion's mouth, just leaking through his parted lips, Nezumi knew this wasn't the same as it had been. There was no longer a usual, there was only what would happen from now onward. Grip tightening around his waist, head tilting to the side, Nezumi ran the tip of his tongue against the source of that heat, pushing Shion's lips apart more to deepen the kiss. There was something about it that was reminiscent of the kiss they shared atop the hill, but this one lacked something: a sign of stopping._

* * *

_**S**_

* * *

_He was in Nezumi's arms._

_He was not pushed away. Nor was he greeted with the cold, maddening emptiness of dreams. It wasn't an illusion nor was it how it was between them before. Nezumi had returned. He had returned for him. He had returned for __**this**__._

_Shion's heart was in his throat; throbbing, aching hard with each sob he could barely breathe through. His hands were closed into fists on the superfiber cloth soaked in rain. Nezumi was cold, so cold in the late autumn's downpour, Shion shook in his arms. His only clothing, a shirt and a pair of sweatpants were already drenched to the last thread. He was drowning in the rain that surrounded Nezumi and yet he never felt as alive. The downpour fell fiercely on his skin, the freezing air biting into his flesh but all he felt was the warmth beneath all the layers of nature Nezumi wore. Shion could barely keep himself up as he held onto the man dawn had brought to him. Nezumi's arms were secure around him, reassuring… strong. As strong as they had ever been. They showed no signs of giving away, no signs of relinquishment. The cold and rain embedded into Nezumi's body seeped into Shion's in exchange of his own warmth. He would give it all, every single thing… all he had to this man if it meant that he would never be cold again._

_Nezumi sank with him, his hands traveled up and down his back and Shion felt his skin break beneath his palms, opening up to him; every pore revealing itself to the frigid morning to draw in an ounce of the touch Nezumi delivered him. A hand soon left his back and was entangled in his hair and Nezumi's arms tightened around him and Shion felt him take in a drawn-out inhale against the side of his head. His chest heaved against Shion's, the sound mixing with the rain's endless pitter patter._

_Tears spilled and flowed down his face and onto Nezumi's shoulder. He tasted them on the tip of his tongue as he closed his eyes to the smoldering glow of the imminent dawn. He buried his face in the crook of Nezumi's neck, his raven hair saturated with rain mixed with his own white locks as he struggled to draw in a tremulous breath. And then in the continuous tapping of the downpour he heard a word. Whispered against the shell of his ear, in a voice Shion had never forgotten, would never in a million years forget; Nezumi had called his name._

_"__Shion.."_

_The voice contradicted the stability of the arms around him. It was shaky, unsteady; hoarse even and yet… it was the __**same**__. Emphasizing the consonants and dragging out the vowels, Nezumi whispered his name and Shion, unable to reply, unable to let out any other sound than the broken sobs that shook his small frame, tightened his grip around Nezumi, pulling himself ever closer although he had never once… been as close to him._

_Nezumi shifted ever so slightly, gently putting a fraction of distance between himself and Shion to expose him to the scorching brilliance of silver eyes gazing down at him. His face was only a few inches away, his ghastly exhales brushing against Shion's lips as his own was lost in Nezumi's inhalations. Shion's whole being was once more taken captive while Nezumi's gaze stripped him down to the core. He was still crying, he could not stop himself; anything and everything Nezumi did in this ordinary –surreal- morning only added more to the seemingly endless waves of tears he tried to take under control. He had spent four years holding back his tears, chocking on sobs he had not let out; his throat burning, splitting in two at every flash of memory, every fragment of a beautiful dream that remained nothing as more, every solid proof of Nezumi's existence in Shion's life that he had surrounded himself with. His books; hundreds, thousands of them in Shion's library; his handwritten notes to Shion's mother collected in an ashtray he never used on his desk; the emergency kit that had once saved both their lives, now sitting on a shelf in the library. Fighting tears that had threatened to betray his long practiced façade as he watched the steam of a cup of hot chocolate ascend in his mother's kitchen. Every time he took a painful bite of her cherry cake. Every time he had soup, never able to find that distinctive taste he yearned for. Every time Tsukiyo looked at him with old eyes still full of determination…_

_… __holding back had been the only thing Shion could do for the four years this man had been away. _

_Shion closed his eyes to the sense of Nezumi's hand in his hair before Nezumi abruptly drew it away. Shion watched him bite the tips of glowed fingers as if in trance; pulling off the fiber, freeing himself of the leather that had become his second skin; a skin that could not feel. It fell into the narrow space in between their bodies with a soft splash and then Nezumi's hand was in his hair once more; palm cupping the side of his face, fingers laced in dampen locks and Shion's heart soared at the familiarity of his touch, how his skin, down to the last molecule that comprised him, remembered the sensation this hand used to give him. When icy fingertips brushed against the scar on his cheek, Shion closed his eyes again. Warm, fresh tears collected at the corners and unceremoniously slid down as another sob was stolen from his lungs. Nezumi did not speak; he made no comment about his tears or the way he looked after four years. Shion felt his fingertips brushing below his eyes, wiping his tears away. He opened his eyes to meet his gaze and…_

_… __everything crumbled into place._

_Now, they were equals. Now, they understood each other. Now, neither of them felt any more or any less than the other. Now… they were complete in a way that had never been possible before. They had known one another for over eight years. They had met and separated, reunited and then parted. As if an eternal dance of two polarizing souls in a world of beauty and ugliness, kindness and cruelty, generosity and greed… a world of love and hatred, they had circled around one other; drawn to each other's gravity, their inexplicable contrast, their awe evoking existence; they had shifted and turned, counting steps, counting __**years **__to determine the time they could meet again. And now they had reunited once more, finally in tune with everything the other was, finally fallen into a perfect symmetry of balance that their differences no longer destroyed them but built them anew. Nezumi gazed at him with everything Shion felt in his heart and it was more than he had ever thought he would see. Air was knocked out of his lungs as tears fell onto Nezumi's fingers and for the first time in his entire life, Shion felt __**whole. **__The gaping hole inside his heart was filled to the brim with the aching warmth in Nezumi's grey eyes._

_Shion needed no direction or guidance even as Nezumi's hand tilted his chin up. His lips reached for Nezumi's as his reached for his own. Shion had no more experience in the matter than he had four years ago. But once again, it felt like __**remembering**__ rather than learning and Shion parted his lips as Nezumi's tongue touched them. His hands around Nezumi's shoulders tightened into fists, pulling him closer as his heart expanded in his chest, threatening to split him open in the autumn's downpour. He tilted his head, eyes wet with tears, head spinning with the taste in his mouth, his body jolted awake with fire Nezumi's mouth ignited within his very core. Every nerve end was ablaze, every fiber of his being concentrated on kissing him back. He poured his heart into every move, every flick and touch of his tongue as Nezumi pushed, pulled and reflected his every motion. One of Shion's hands released the hold of superfiber in his fist and cupped the side of Nezumi's face while his body ascended, rising on his knees on the rainy tiles to pull himself closer to him._

**_"_****_Not a thank-you kiss, is it?"  
"It's a good-night kiss."_**

_Behind closed eyelids Shion relived every moment of unadulterated joy and every moment of heartbreak in the course of eight years he had known Nezumi. He was laid open for every memory that had once hurt him too much to remember. As his lips moved over Nezumi's with a slow burning fire, he recalled every word his ears had heard, every emotion his heart had felt, every touch his skin had memorized and every kiss his lips had tasted. _

**_"_****_Was that a… goodbye kiss?"  
_****_"_****_A vow… Reunion will come, Shion."_**

_Shion cried silently into the kiss as words echoed in his mind. Understanding blossomed in his heart, sending pangs of warmth through his sore body; throbbing at the tips of his fingertips, prickling at his lips and burning in his eyes. No questions would be asked when they finally parted. When this kiss ended, there would be no inquiries or doubts about what it had meant._

_Shion already knew.  
Nezumi too… knew._

_Reunion had come. _

* * *

**_N_**

* * *

_Those lips.. they were much softer than he recalled—not doubt, part of living in luxury again—and they drew him in, ran smoothly against his own, slick from the rainfall.. and from the tears, the ones that left this salted residue on the tip of his tongue as he committed the map of Shion's mouth to memory. There was another taste, however, that was just as distinctive: a vaguely bitter taste. Sharp and awakening, of course, but it wasn't nearly as rejuvenating as this third taste, the one that neither of previous ones could conceal, one that could only be described as Shion's. The others were mere compliments to it. Nezumi relished in the familiarity; it was a taste he had just barely caught in the past, one he had a vague sense of, but now was finally able to enjoy to its full extent: a sweet delight he had abstained from but, after four years of otherworldly cravings, had permission to indulge in.  
Inexperience—it was something most would find unattractive, and yet, Shion's left him aching for more. His movements were untrained, unrehearsed, and completely unrefined; like a school boy's first kiss, he stumbled into it messily but refused to relinquish full control. He wouldn't submit, and instead attempted to find his own rhythm. Shion was the type that moved purely on instinct when it came to these things, and it was that instinct which lead Nezumi to draw him closer and push the threshold of endurance a bit farther.  
He wanted Shion breathless._

_..We're finally here, at this point. He thought idly as hands—trembling yet strong—bawled into fists around his scarf. The pair of them were drug together: chest to chest, and a heartbeat that wasn't his own thundered within him. It wasn't an unfamiliar pounding; it was one he had an unyielding desire to protect, one that he would, without a thought, still his own to save. Shion's heartbeat—erratic and intense—raced along side his own. It distracted him from one of the hands gripping his scarf as it strayed upward and cupped his cheek. The touch only registered when he felt the heat of it seeping through his skin. However, it wasn't merely the hand upon his cheek; there was also warmth pressed firmly against his chest and wrapped around his shoulders. Hotter still, was the tongue melding with his own. Shion's essence, burning and alive, was surrounding him and filling him. Shion was everywhere, more than ever been before, and yet.. Nezumi couldn't help himself. He selfishly yearned for more._  
_ Breaking the kiss, if only for a moment, he drew in a languid breath, one that had only just then escaped Shion, before sighing it out into the air between them. Their faces remained barely an inch apart, foreheads against one another. They shared puffs of the crisp morning air in this brief intermission among the kisses. The closeness, he had to admit, gave off this oddly surreal feeling. Sure, he had jerked Shion close to him, time after time, during the six months they spent together, but this lack of distance had a much different mood. Arguments weren't had; ideas didn't clash. Hell, they had barely said a word to one another. Shion hadn't called out to him, hadn't questioned him or his motives. He had let his own actions speak the words his mouth couldn't Perhaps, Shion had learned a bit about catching the feel of a situation, or maybe, he just was overcome with too many emotions to find a voice for them. Either way, he wasn't his usual chatterbox self, and all things considered, the way he was using his mouth now was much preferred._  
_ Nezumi ran his fingers deliberately through those white strains, twisting and untwisting the rain-made tangles, a small smile hanging on his lips. There were plenty of things he could say now, but honestly, he hadn't found a need to say anything at all. None of this needed to be explained to be felt. The meaning of that kiss or the meaning of anything he had done thus far, it was simply understood without being said. This was their unspoken truth, one that the two of them could grasp on their own due to the bond they shared. Nezumi had fulfilled that precious vow he made to Shion years ago, but not only that, he also made a new commitment, one that he intended to have last a lifetime._  
_**"Shion.." **__Yet again, Nezumi let that name leak out in a low, sultry tone. His lips barely grazed Shion's, in a light teasing manner, while lidded eyes found their focus, a mere inch before them. To his mind, the rainfall was drifting away, becoming mere white noise in the background, and the dawn behind him peeking over the horizon hadn't nearly enough beauty to garner his attention from Shion. For the time being, neither of them concerned him. All that mattered rest in front of him. The surroundings were simple set props, to him, just extra scene-setters for their improvised performance. They had little to no meaning._  
_ As their lips met for the second time, he already prepared for the third, then for the forth, and even the fifth._

It seemed endless.  
The snowfall had set itself to swallowing up the city hours ago, and even now, it continued the process by adding layer atop of layer to the original coat. Hushing the traffic, it left this haunting stillness in its wake, like a blanket of white intent on smothering all the noise and life beneath it. _How charming. _But still, even with his morbid description of it, Nezumi had to admit there was something peaceful about the scene before him, something that just made his muscles relax and caused his shoulders slouch. It left him feeling at ease, if only for a split second, before the icy bite of the winter air sank its teeth in and reminded him that there was nothing pleasant about this time of year.  
_Fuck, why is it so cold. _A rhetorical question. He muttered under his breath, drawing the afghan tighter around himself.  
As he turned his back to the winter world, Nezumi caught the sound of a small chirp. It seemed the frumpiest of his three mice desperately craved his attention. But there was no holding back a scoff at the sight of Tsukiyo scurrying over one of his house shoes and eagerly scratching at his pant leg. Without a doubt, this needy behavior could be attributed to Shion. **"What's all the fuss about? Too lazy to climb your ass up here?" **The rodent squeaked, apparently offended by the insinuation. So with a shake of his head and a small chuckle, Nezumi knelt down and set a hand out for Tsukiyo to crawl onto. **"See, this is what happens when you let his mama fatten you up with all those sweets." **The creature's feelings remained just as wounded as before while he bound up the length of Nezumi's arm and hid himself beneath the folds on the blanket.  
Sometimes, these mice just had far too much personality for their own good.  
A prime example of this was Tsukiyo's reluctance to get cozy with him again after the four year separation. The creature had been keen on biting him and chirping nosily at him when he first arrived, as if trying to scold Nezumi for not coming back sooner. Being badmouthed by a rodent was certainly something to behold, and for the duration of their strained relationship, Nezumi considered accusing Shion of swaying Tsukiyo's affections as a sort of punishment. It didn't take long, however, for Nezumi to simply realize the mouse preferred Shion to him, or, maybe just preferred Karan's baked goods. Both reasons, Nezumi could relate to.

Flopping down rather unceremoniously onto the sofa, Nezumi tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling, listening to another pair of chirps fast approaching. The other mice pattered forth joining him and Tsukiyo. **"I don't feel like reading to the three of you. Shion will be home later, ask him then." **A few squeaks followed, and Nezumi huffed out, **"Don't be so spoiled." **Hamlet and Cravat, both still used to their moody master, decided against pestering him further and simply settled into the folds of the throw. Shortly after, all three of the mice fell silent.

The clock upon the wall's ticking echoed in the quiet.

_..Seems like ever since I got back.. I just keep getting lost in my thoughts like this.. _A small sigh escaped his lips. _And what's this? ..I even sigh now. When did that start happening? Maybe Shion really has rubbed off on me. Maybe if I keep this up, he'll make an airhead out of me in another month or two. _He couldn't help but smile, shutting his eyes. _Guess I just have to be a bit more careful._  
After that, it didn't take long for his train of thought to drift again, back to the day of their reunion. The more he thought about it, the more he felt an urge to laugh: not at Shion but at _himself_. How was it that an actor, one who had never even experienced stage fright, could suddenly have cold feet over sitting down and having a fucking conversation? It was just Shion, the same sappy, space-brained weirdo he spent six months of his life with. _Well_, see, that's where the problem lied. It was one thing to let his body remember Shion because from its perspective, his actions spoke the way they always had, thus he hadn't changed one bit. But for all he knew, one word out of Shion's mouth and everything could fall apart. Four years had the potential to make a substantial difference. It was possible that Shion's personality had morphed into something unrecognizable. That begged the question: _what if Shion wasn't Shion anymore?_  
That possibility had caused him to linger in the shower an extra few minutes. It had forced him to rationalize that the next moment contained, perhaps, the most important conversation of his life. And it had let him believe that hiding away was reasonable, that it was fine for him to mentally prepare himself for what was to come. He had needed all the time he could get, be it a second or half an hour, Nezumi had just needed enough to come to terms with the fact that whatever happened next could change his life forever.

* * *

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

* * *

This is the second chapter of my roleplay thread with my partner A-Wanderer-No-More on Tumblr.

**Nezumi =** _A-Wanderer-No-More_. [a-wanderer-no-more. tumblr. com]  
**Shion =** Me at _Shion-of-No.6_ [shion-of-no6. tumblr. com]

This is a really long thread. I expect it to be around 10 chapters long. My partner and I decided on weekly updates here.  
I hope you'll enjoy it.

_**Preview image by Fujiroku **_**[** _fujiroku. tumblr. com_ **]**


	3. Chapter 3

_"Home is a place not only of strong affections, but of entire unreserved; it is life's undress rehearsal, its backroom, its dressing room, from which we go forth to more careful and guarded intercourse, leaving behind us much debris of cast-off and everyday clothing."_

_**~ Stowe, Harriet Beecher**_

_._

* * *

**_S_**

* * *

_Nezumi held him close as his lips unreservedly responded to his kiss. Unlike the only other two kisses they had shared, this was not initiated or carried on by one of them alone. It was not merely given or taken. It was an overwhelming, staggering balance of equal give and take. Nezumi met his every move; he was so present in the moment, so focused on Shion and on kissing him, the realization alone made Shion's heart ache. On so many levels, it felt like how a first kiss would feel. It was not something platonic; not a substitute for something they could not say. Nor was it the heartbreaking display of a promise that hurt them both to give and accept. It was merely what their hearts, their bodies; their entire beings were telling them to do._

**_Reach out._**

**_Hold him close._**

**_Don't let go. Not again. Not ever._**

_Nezumi's warmth, peculiarly still preserved even in the evident hours he had spent under the rainfall, leaked into Shion's mouth, pouring into his heart and reaching across his every bone, down to the tips of his fingers and toes. It was a dizzying sense of sweet burning; a fire that licked him from within as flames flickered behind his closed eyelids. Knowing that he was kissing Nezumi and was also being kissed by him in return was the single most powerful feeling Shion had ever felt. He felt infinitely weak and also unfathomably strong. The tears on his cheeks evaporated with the heat Nezumi had incited within him as fresh ones threatened to spill and join the wet exchange of air –of silent words, of promises, of confessions and of gasps and inhales –between their lips._

_When Nezumi pulled back, they did not separate. Shion continued holding him, forehead pressed against his, a hand firmly gripping the wet folds of his superfiber scarf, the other cupping the side of his face; skin slowly warming under his touch. Shion too, was now drenched to his bones but he didn't even notice that his shirt beneath Nezumi's arms was sticking against his back, his grey sweatpants had saturated to a darker shade with heavy rain or that his hair was plastered against his forehead in messy locks. All he felt in the middle of this downpour that had brought nothing but havoc for the past three days upon the city he was living in, was infinite calm. He had had a million questions that he had planned on asking Nezumi when he finally returned but none of them seemed to surface through the quiet haze in his mind. Nezumi's breaths brushed against his lips, his taste lingered in his mouth, stealing a beat from his frantic heart every time he swallowed that distinct flavor of his lips. Nezumi's hands were moving, higher and higher over his skin until both were buried in his hair. Fingers were laced in white locks, brushing through them with such calculated precision Shion shuddered in pleasure._

_Nezumi's lips fleetingly brushed against his own as one more time, Shion's name spilled through them. Shion's skin reacted to his voice __with infectious goosebumps__; to the tone of desire and need leaking from it. Drawing in a tremulous breath, Shion's gaze, still cloudy with the steams of the fire Nezumi had just ignited within, met the silver glow. His eyes stole another shiver from him as hands tightened their hold. His lips parted to let out the single word he had yet spoken under the downpour. It was barely a whisper, shaky and thick; a voice full of longing enunciating the single word Shion had kept repeating like a prayer in solitude for the past four years its owner had been away._

_"__Nezumi…"_

_Nezumi's eyes flared with fire. Long eyelashes clouded over silver and Nezumi's lips met his one more time as Shion closed his eyes to the spill of light illuminating the man in his arms from behind._

Silence reigned over the cemetery. All that could be heard was the fall of December's snow as it settled and merged with the white blanket coating every surface around him. He was still sitting in the snow, head titled back, slowly releasing puffs of air into the frigid air. His cheeks were tinted pink; the tip of his nose bordering on red.

"I don't know how long we stayed there like that." Shion spoke in a low, far away voice. "Eventually we stood up and got inside. It is hard to believe how little we actually talked then. Once inside, I showed him where the bathroom is so he could take a shower as I changed, dried my hair off with a towel and went to prepare breakfast."

Shion looked down at the beautifully carved figure of the wren on Safu's gravestone.

"I told you about Tsukiyo many times. You should have seen his reaction when Nezumi showed up in the living room and knelt down beside his pet bed, Safu."

A chuckle followed by a steam of white spilled into the air.

"He didn't seem happy at all. After waiting for Nezumi to return for four years, he just turned his back to him and pretended to be asleep. He only got up and showed true elation when Nezumi called Hamlet and Cravat. They chirped and scurried on the pet bed. Nezumi described it as "catching up" and then they huddled close and fell asleep together."

Shion pulled his scarf up over the gentle smile on his lips.

"I have a feeling that you would side with Tsukiyo about this."

Shion listened to the lonely silence of the cemetery as the memory of Safu's unimpressed pout that he was occasionally subjected to flashed in his mind. _Yes, you would look at him like that, wouldn't you Safu? You would be bold and honest and tell him what you truly think._

Nezumi had taken almost half an hour to join him in the living room after that. Another half hour was spent reuniting the mice and Nezumi commenting on Shion's… on _their _apartment. When they had finally sat and started eating, silence had fallen over them like a veil, draping them in a strained sense of tension and anxiousness. Shion had felt grateful that he didn't have to work that day and that he could easily e-mail his finished proposal to the committee from home. Working on Sundays had always been a choice on his part, to distract himself from being alone; from being unoccupied. It was never an obligation unless there was a crisis. The last thing he wanted was Nezumi to feel nervous or unwelcome, so Shion had started talking about how Karan would be happy to see him and how she now had an assistant at the bakery; the young Lily working part-time with her. He had talked about Tsukiyo; how he loved his mother's scones and how he seemed like he never wanted to leave her place every time they paid her a visit. He had talked about his job; small, cheerful aspects of it as he had carefully evaded touching anything that could stir a dormant memory. He had told Nezumi how he had found the apartment and when he had decided to move inside it. Never once had he asked a question, or interrupted Nezumi's replies.

Having Nezumi in his kitchen, talking to him, having breakfast with him as he had one of Shion's shirts and sweatpants on him had been so unreal and it had been so _right _at the same time that Shion was hardly able to maintain a decent conversation. The occasional slips of his mind to the fresh memory of their reunion out in the balcony, also had been a huge distraction as his heart would thunder in his chest, his blood would rush to his face and his words would stumble out of his mouth in incoherent bursts. Nezumi had noticed these, the discord in his speaking and the blushing if nothing else, but had made no comment on it. His eyes had scanned him; silver into red, the way they always had over the years Shion had known him. His mouth occasionally curving into that half smile Shion had realized with a staggering force how much he had missed. His voice hadn't changed, much like his appearance. He had grown, naturally, like Shion had but he was still the most beautiful person Shion had ever seen. He still wore his hair in a ponytail, dark bangs framing a face of chiseled perfection. Shion had noticed with an ache in his stomach, if anything, Nezumi had gotten more handsome.

Soon enough, Shion had found himself in the same peaceful sense of being with Nezumi had given him during those six month they had shared in the underground room. The tension had eased into their casual chatter and Nezumi had showed no signs of apprehension or anxiousness as he had helped Shion with the dishes and asked to be given a tour of 'His Majesty's New Living Grounds'.

It all had been an easy and familiar exchange between them until Shion's hand had hesitated on the door handle to the library. The entirety of Nezumi's book collection from the underground room was here, taken from his place without any permission. Shion knew they wouldn't survive the first winter without Nezumi being there to intimidate anyone who might approach the place looking for things to burn, but it was still a decision he had made without his approval.

When he had finally pulled the door aside and the library was revealed, Nezumi had fallen silent. After standing motionless by his side for a few moments, he had slowly walked in and examined every shelf within the room as Shion had leaned against the threshold and watched him. Warmth and overwhelming compassion had flooded his heart at the sight of Nezumi being among his books, his graceful fingers running down the spines of classics he had known since he was a child. It had taken him over fifteen minutes to complete his scrutiny of the library in which Shion had soundlessly moved to sit on the couch in the middle of the room. Nezumi had finally turned around, with an intense, inexplicable look dancing in his eyes. He had walked to him, slowly leaned forward towards the couch; with a hand on the armrest, the other tilting Shion's chin up and he had given him another kiss he would not –ever–forget.

And.. it wasn't the last kiss Shion had received from him that day.

* * *

**_N_**

* * *

_Somehow, he had to admit, it wasn't all that bad.  
Things just flowed in a way that surprised him. It was all easier, _much easier _than he ever anticipated._

_When he tugged one of Shion's shirts down, Nezumi let the realization sink in. This was his final pit-stop. This was his last moment to dither, and as he adjusted the collar of his new attire, he decided there really shouldn't be anything left to hold him back from this point, onward. Wasn't this all his choice to begin with? The vow he had made four years ago and returning at this time: they were both his decisions. Toweling off his hair a second more, Nezumi drew in deep breath, closed his eyes, and exhaled. That familiar taste still lingered on the tip of his tongue, and it caused a smile to touch his lips, one he caught sight of in the mirror.  
_ _One more breath, and.. Now or never—heh, seemed like a phrase he had been thinking a bit too much these past few days._

_Sitting in the kitchen, witnessing Shion's new-found culinary skills, Nezumi couldn't help but feel impressed. It was a silent declaration on his part—like Hell he'd let Shion get a big head about it. But all the same, he couldn't help but pay close attention. Eyes fixed on Shion's back as he put the finishing touches to their breakfast, Nezumi had to wonder: Was this something I'll see every day? Or was this Shion's attempt at a homecoming for a weary traveler? Regardless of his thoughts then, the idea of it made joy well up inside him that tugged lightly at the corners of his lips. Who couldn't smile watching a duty-immersed Shion? His dedication to even the littlest of things; it was something to be admired, something Nezumi could admire._  
_The entire meal, Shion had droned on about something or another; most of it went in one ear and out the other, but he kept a good filter on the information, picking up the bits and pieces that mattered. The word "motormouth" crossed his mind, but he kept it to himself as he drank in his companion's appearance beneath the artificial lighting. His eyes were that same brilliant shade of red, but there was a strange shine in them he hadn't recalled in the past. Had it appeared over the course of their venture to the kitchen or had he just not noticed it in the downpour? Regardless, it wasn't unwanted. It was quite charming, though that hair—it was begging for questioning. Maybe it was Shion's idea of a conversation starter, but really, the style didn't suit Shion in his opinion, and it was a struggle to hold back teasing him. —Just like a child mimicking their idol.— But how could he say such a rude thing when mimicry was considered one of the most sincere forms of flattery? Shion was still Shion; even if he had a new hair style, he was still as simple as ever. _  
_ Ironically, it seemed no matter how much he had paid mind to the fixing of the meal, Nezumi couldn't for the life of him recall what they actually ate. What did it taste like? What did it smell like? Honestly, all he knew was that it was the best damn meal he had eaten in a while, but the coffee Shion had given him afterward, he remembered that clearly. It felt like a subtle reminder of when he had done the same for Shion not long before his departure. With a knowing smile hid behind the lip of the cup, Nezumi had to admit: Maybe Shion wasn't so simple anymore. This act, in itself, seemed quite clever. Oh well, just another thing to be impressed about._

_A steady sense of ease returned at a lazy pace. The more they rounded about the apartment together, the more he felt that old comfort. The playful jibes were gathering in his mind just like before, but unlike before, he held them in (No need to spoil the moment.). This just felt.. natural, and it, suddenly, made all that past apprehension he had fade into the black. Now it felt almost comical for him to think about how terrified he had been. Why had he felt the need to soak himself to the bone in the icy rainfall or to linger beneath the warm spray in the shower? Why had he stood before the mirror with a thousand questions for his every action? It all just felt—pointless._

_The apartment, he decided upon first glance, was truly fit for a king, far ritzier than any shabby throw together he had stayed in during his travels. It was above and beyond the typical living standards, but somehow, he couldn't find it in himself to berate Shion for living in such a place; it was reminiscent of the room they had met in. The apartment only had three rooms, each serving some particular function, along with a living space and a kitchenette. It was spacious, and usually, that would leave a foul taste in Nezumi's mouth, but this place.. there was something about it, something in the air that made it feel different. Something in the room just screamed aloud: "This is Shion's home, where he lives!" And that fact alone brought with it a calm. This was Shion's home, one full of so many things specially tailored to his being, a place meant for Shion, and Shion alone. But no, wait—Nezumi had been invited into this private world, into Shion's sanctuary, the place he escaped to after a tiresome day in the office, the place he laid his head down at night, and the place he let his guard down in. He had been drawn back into Shion's life yet again, and this time, he had every intention to stay. _  
_ In the back of his mind, he couldn't help but wonder if one day, his being here would show. Would Shion stumble into the flat one day and realize, with a content smile, that this place wasn't simply his home anymore, but Nezumi's as well? What would that be like, for him to see what Nezumi had seen all that time ago during their time together? Ah, but it hadn't been the time to get sentimental just then, that came a bit later; actually, it came the moment Nezumi found what rest behind door number three: the library. _  
_ How could he forget that feeling? It would have been impossible to block out what it felt like to stand in the doorway and marvel at all the books aligned flawlessly upon shelf after shelf. Books had been something he lost touch with during his travels. It wasn't always easy to find a good supply of them when his mind was set to memorizing how to work the newest job or paying the rent. But there, he remembered standing, in awe, before moving forward and inspecting row after row. Words were lost to him as his fingers lovingly caressed his familiar friends. Nezumi had resigned himself to believing his precious collection had become firewood the winter he departed—not one stuffed in his bag as he had headed off. But here they all rested, in the same condition, maybe even a touch less dusty._  
_ All he could do was give his thanks, and he had—a kiss filled with all his gratitude followed by a small whisper of appreciation. There wasn't a way for him to explain his happiness for what Shion had done, and even if he had brought the collection here for selfish reasons, the fact of the matter was that the books were safe with an owner who would tend them better than even he had._

_There was more to that day, however, than exploring the apartment or the occasional small talk. _  
_There was_ far more_ than that._

_Nezumi hadn't asked Shion how he dealt with the past four years because honestly, he wasn't sure he could take it. Knowing how horrid some nights had been for him, he just couldn't bear to imagine Shion's suffering. Was Nezumi the stronger of the two? The claim alone seemed like a joke at this point. Underestimating Shion was the last thing he'd like to do after all this time. Shion had become a man without any guidance. He had learned to stand firm and tall on his own, no crutch, no one to lean on, and the heavy responsibility put on his shoulders at sixteen hadn't broken him down. The day they parted, one of them had found freedom, but it wasn't Shion; he had found his own shackles. He had been bound to No.6._  
_The question of if Nezumi should ask forgiveness or not crossed his mind. He tasted it on the tip of his tongue before merely swallowing it back down. No, he had nothing to apologize for. It hadn't been his fault. The responsibilities Shion took on were ones he had done so willingly. His promises to Safu, to the doctor, and to Elyurias: they were all made of his own accord, the same way Nezumi had made his vow to return. _  
_ Nezumi shouldn't have felt guilty, so maybe that's why, as he sat side by side with Shion, he chanced a glance sideways. Maybe, he was trying to remind himself that he had nothing to feel ashamed of. He had done his part, and Shion had done his own. They had goals to complete before reaching this point, and now, everything before was the past. They only had now._  
_ A smirk caught on his lips before he spoke clearly, __**"This bed seems awfully big compared to the old one. Reminds me a bit of the one you had back in Chronos." **__His hand lazily stroked the fabric, eyes flickering from it up toward Shion once more. __**"It's still pretty chilly outside. It'd be a shame for one of us to be cold tonight." **__There was a proposition hidden in those words, one he wasn't fully backing, but one he felt needed to be put on the table: after all, Shion was a grown man now. Surely, he had some expectations, some secret desires he kept hidden in dreams and midnight visions. Maybe, now was the time to finally entertain those fantasies, time to indulge—well, to an extent. There was a line Nezumi preferred not to cross, one that he'd rather keep intact as long as possible. Knowing Shion, it wouldn't last long, but for tonight, it _needed_ to._

* * *

**_S_**

* * *

Shion stood still before Safu's grave as he waited the numbness in his knees to dissolve before the flow of his blood. The water-resistant fiber had kept his skin beneath the cloth dry but he could still feel the cold. It had blossomed across his flesh in lazy waves making him shiver to the bones.

The snow had picked up as he had sat for long minutes before Safu's gravestone. It fell more eagerly on the white blanketed world. Shion shoved his hands in his pockets and raised his head up towards the grey sky. Above his head, millions of snowflakes descended in an inexplicable order that seemed to contradict the chaos winter always brought along. They seemed to appear out of nowhere in the vastness of white clouds. Even as they fell, they remained disconnected, each of them unaffected and intact; untouched. Each a perfect entity on its own.

_–'__Do you know, Safu? It is said that every snowflake is different from one another! That there is not a single snowflake that looks exactly like another!'_

_A soft laughter…_

_–'__Where did you hear that?'_

_–'__Mom read that to me in a book!'_

_Big brown eyes glowed bright with warmth as Safu's face lit up in pure amusement._

_–'__They are like people then.'_

_Shion looked at her, confused._

_–'__The snowflakes, Shion!' Safu repeated heatedly. 'They are like people, you see? Every single one of them is different and beautiful in their own way, don't you think?'_

_Shion understood. He grinned back at her, feeling accomplished as if they had just discovered one of the greatest secrets of the world._

_–'__You are right, Safu.'_

_He looked back up at the falling flakes. One of them landed lightly on the tip of his nose._

_–'__Snowflakes are really like people,' Shion concluded, laughing._

Shion raised his hand and watched a lone flake land on his palm. How graceful, how light it was as it glided in the air only to perch atop his hand like a bird. His crimson eyes remained fixed on the little drop of frozen water, shaped and carved by the wind into a matchless creation of nature. It glowed faintly in his palm as it slowly melted in to the woolen glove. Shion lightly smiled into his scarf as he let his hand fall.

"I miss you, Safu."

The wind blew against his slender yet strong frame, tugging at his clothes and weaving through his hair. Shion closed his eyes to his friend's smile as a child, to the feeling of the warmth of her hand when she had pulled him towards the window to watch the first snow of the winter.

"I'll never stop missing you, Safu. You were unmatched."

Shion straightened himself as he blinked several times to clear his vision. Putting his hands back in his pockets once more, he glanced towards the entrance of the cemetery. The gates stood in an unceremonious grace at the distance. It was entirely too similar to a pair of silent sentinels protecting the spirits of those who had passed. Guardians for those whose lives were stolen from them too soon. Shion's eyes fell back on his friend's name inscribed on the headstone.

"He said he wants to come visit you the next time."

Safu would like that… Shion knew she would.

"I promise to come back soon. Please don't worry about me."

_Not anymore._

Shion smiled gently.

"Goodbye, Safu."

Scenes of endless white, silhouettes of crowds of people and glaring flashes of cars blurred behind the glass of the train's double layered window. Shion looked out with unseeing eyes, every fiber of his being lost in his thoughts.

Typhoon or snowstorm, he knew now what called him had never been nature itself… It had been Nezumi. It had always been Nezumi. Unchallengeable and overwhelming, something too strong for his loosely rooted being to withstand. Nezumi had blown into his soul that first night; into the very depths of his heart and he had left his imprint behind as he had slipped out of his bed and out of his room before the dawn had cracked. It was not possible for Shion's eyes to linger on someone else, his breath to catch in his throat upon feeling another person's touch or his heart to burst out of his chest and bare itself before someone else's eyes but his silver gaze; feeling vulnerable, open and ablaze. It had been him, _only him _Shion had longed for. First four years had passed in a state of half-broken haze. With a vague sense of incompleteness, listless sighs and endlessly searching eyes. The second time… had almost broken him. After living over six months with him, Shion was no longer the person he used to be.. he didn't know how to be without Nezumi. It was like learning how to fly and then being told the sky was never his to glide with freedom again. It was being pulled out of unforgiving darkness into blinding light, seeing the entire world expand around him in its full glory, only to be left alone in a crepuscular limbo, having nothing but the promise of an unpredictable dawn to hold on to.

But the promise was kept. Nezumi had returned. Shion thought after four years, he could finally understand the reasons that had torn Nezumi away from him. The true reasons hidden beneath his pretext; his need to wander. He had known even as he left that he would return. He knew even as he had turned around and walked out of his life that one day… when it wasn't as complicated, it wasn't as difficult, as frightening, as impossible… he would come back to Shion.

Shion had spent the four years apart from him asking himself millions of questions he could not ask Nezumi. He had replayed and relived every moment he had spent beside him, trying to shed a little bit of light to the enormous mystery that veiled Nezumi from him. He was sure that when Nezumi returned –not _if.. __**when **_he returned_- _Shion would be able to look into his eyes and ask him why.

But when he returned… Shion knew he didn't need to ask anything at all.

_Shion didn't realize when the afternoon had come as he had sat with Nezumi in the library and talked to him for hours straight. Listening to him talk about the places he had seen, people he had met, things he had done was so overwhelming Shion couldn't help feeling excitement stir in his heart. Nezumi had never spoken as much as he had done that day, so openly, so freely as he had told Shion about the sea, the mountains, the little villages scattered all around the boundless expanses of the world, places that were thought to be inhabitable. Shion had listened to him without interrupting as his deep voice had truly captivated him and taken him to those places that were imprinted behind his grey eyes. After eight years of knowing Nezumi, Shion learned in those several hours that Nezumi was an incredible story teller. Shion could feel his heartbeat pick up, his blood rush, his hands prickle as he imagined the places Nezumi's words painted in his mind._

_What he wouldn't give to travel with him…_

_A subtle, bittersweet sense of regret awakened in his stomach. Would he ever be able to leave No.6 behind to see the world beside Nezumi? Would he ever feel the soreness of his calloused feet, the bite of the northern wind, the fire of the southern sun? Would he ever close his eyes to the sense of sands swallowing his feet with each lick of the ocean? Would he ever stand at the summit of a mountain and look down at the world below, hold Nezumi's hand as his heart thundered with joy in his chest and scream against the raging wind as loud as his lungs would allow him?_

_–'__One day,' he promised himself as he stared into ethereal grey; into the worlds those eyes had seen._

_The couch was small and too cramped for two people to get comfortable. Shion had turned off the lights and closed to door to the library before he turned around to find Nezumi waiting for Shion at the door to his bedroom. He hadn't walked inside himself and didn't attempt to do so until Shion did. He followed him in as Shion turned on the night lamps. It was barely even afternoon but the clouds were too thick to provide sufficient light._

_Telling Nezumi to make himself feel at home sounded wrong in his head because ever since Shion had gotten this place he had never once thought of it as __**his.**__ It had always been the place Shion would one day share with Nezumi. It was already Nezumi's home. He hoped Nezumi too would see it that way._

_It took him three minutes to send the email to the committee as Nezumi used the bathroom. When he got out, he ran his hand through his hair, tilting his head to a side and shooting a lopsided smile at Shion that almost made him fall to his knees. Seeming completely unaware of his effect on Shion –though Shion suspected he knew it all too well, if the half smile remaining on his lips were any hint– Nezumi dropped himself on the bed where Shion joined him._

**_"_****_This bed seems awfully big compared to the old one. Reminds me a bit of the one you had back in Chronos."_**

_Nezumi's voice was amused and had a light feeling to it but Shion thought he could sense a subtle unease creeping into it._

_"__I grew up, Nezumi. Just like you did. I needed a big bed." Shion replied with a smile._

_Nezumi's hand fell in between them, brushing against the soft fabric Shion had chosen as his linens. Shion stared at it before his eyes traveled up and met the grey gaze._

**_"_****_It's still pretty chilly outside. It'd be a shame for one of us to be cold tonight."_**

_His voice was casual, conversational even. But his eyes said something else entirely. Something flickered in the silent glow of silver._

_Was it worry? Uncertainty? Shion could not name it. But Nezumi's steady gaze caused his blood to ascend to his face. He felt his face burn as he continued to stare into his eyes._

_"__I think it's big enough for both of us. We shared a much smaller bed before," he replied as his heart thundered in his chest. It was almost a question he had realized. Nezumi was asking if it was okay for them to share the same bed still. Shion could not understand how it could even be a question because for him it was the most natural thing in the world. He felt his heart ache with love for Nezumi's uncertainty._

_Sitting cross-legged on the bed, Shion turned his whole body towards him and smiled._

_"__Tell me another story." _

* * *

**_N_**

* * *

_A thought that had crossed his mind, something along the lines of: 'You sure are, you're a big boy now with a big boy bed. Let me give you a round of applause!' But, even Nezumi knew some smart ass remarks were better left unsaid, so he held his tongue letting that one slide by without a word, smile still in place. Then again, there wasn't a need to provoke Shion further when he was already beginning to flushing a particularly enticing shade of red—it wasn't a deep, bold color, but instead one only dark enough to be evident. Keeping back a grinning at his handy-work was pretty easily, but keeping his hands away was a whole other story especially when his fingertips were just itching to glide along that searing cheek. But he remained calm, not even batting an eyelash; professional demeanor. There was something funny about how even after four years, that aching desire to touch Shion hadn't waned a bit, not even a fraction. The only thing that had changed was the reason he had such a craving. There wasn't some hidden meaning behind it. It wasn't to prove a point or to mock Shion, but instead it was just pure whim, no ulterior motives, just a need, one that regardless of how many times he indulged it, always came back._

_**"**__**Now, that's a relief," **__He breathed out falling backward to the bed. The mattress gave a weak squeak in protest before silencing itself. _  
_ With eyes lingering on Shion, he considered his own comment from before. Shion, obviously, knew; he wasn't an idiot. He had figured out that Nezumi was testing their new-found boundaries. And even he knew pretending things were the same would just be a load of bullshit. Things had changed—and no, it wasn't just because four years had passed. Sure, that was part of it (a large part of it), but there was more to it—more that had presented itself from the moment they saw each other again. Skating around the truth or trying to hide it now would be childish, and they were adults now, two adults with all the time in the world and a peaceful state of affairs to sort through their mess of emotions. But there wasn't a rush to face everything. It existed, and they both recognized that. _  
_ All things considered, Nezumi would have understood if the sofa in the library or the couch in the living room had been his choices for sleeping. Either would suffice, but, surprisingly enough, Shion had welcomed him here. He had decided against pushing Nezumi away, and that fact alone made this bed one of the most inviting he ever had the pleasure of being in. _  
_ This wasn't going to be like old times; it was going to be better._

_Well—okay, maybe some things couldn't change._  
_**"Another?" **__He chimed before rolling onto his side, cheek propped up on his curled fingers; a smile on his lips. Amusement shining in his eyes. __**"Well, I guess it's nice to know some things never change." **__He meant it._

_Countless stories danced about his brain: some more remarkable than others, some more terrifying than he'd rather admit. There were as many moments of unyielding strength and devotion as there were moments of crippling weakness and self-loathing. He had a lifetime's worth of tales condensed into the past four years—more than enough for him to make a pretty penny if he'd like to try at being a wordsmith. However, that wasn't the point of his journey. It wasn't for a cheap thrill nor was it just to pass the time. That all had meaning, a meaning few would ever understand. He didn't want to share it with the world—just with Shion. _  
_ A few stories came to the forefront of his mind, ones ranging from his first winter to his final autumn, but he decided on one in particular that he felt Shion, being the romantic he was, would enjoy. _  
_**"Hm, I think I picked a pretty good one." **__Nezumi hummed before readjusting himself on the bed, lying back again, an arm folded beneath his head. __**"I had been through two towns by then. No.5 wasn't far from my sights—now that I think about it." **__The love for arts had attracted him to No.5. It had a promise to it no other city-state could offer him, so he figured he'd find out what all the fuss was about. Maybe, that's why he had been so surprised by what he found _outside_ of the city rather than within it. __**"A couple of kids—reminded me a bit of the ones you used to read to—were spying on me reciting a few lines of **__**Hamlet**__**." **__He'd rather not admit that he had been entertaining the mice the way Shion used to (though his skills were _far _superior). __**"I sent them away, not really thinking much of it. The next day though, I spotted a group traveling in the back of a wagon—all of them singing. I decided to join in." **__A smile tugged up his lips a bit more; maybe there was some pride there or it was possible he just found joy in the memory. Nezumi wouldn't say.__**"All the sudden, the kids popped up shouting and waving at me. Turned out, the group was an acting troupe, and the two kids had been telling the others about me the night before."**__Alright, he'd admit it to himself, the smile was a bit of both: pride and joy. __**"The troupe was one reminiscent of the old Commedia dell'Arte style. I'm sure you haven't forgotten what that is."**_  
_He paused for a moment, eyes glancing toward Shion; this was the part where he'd start to gain interest._  
_**"Apparently there was 'trouble in paradise' for two of the actors. One of them refused to perform, so the group was in dire need of a replacement. And after hearing a few lines, they decided on me." **__Shrugging, he explained the role. __**"The past performer had been part of their 'innamorati' set, so I was filling in as an over dramatic woman in love. Guess that's what I get for reciting Ophelia's lines. Anyone with an ear for talent always casts me as a woman after one verse.**_  
_** To be honest, the performance was over the top, more so than anything I performed in West Block—and don't get me started on the costumes—but it was enjoyable."**_  
_Nezumi sat up, and without hesitation, plucked Shion's hand from the bed. Grey eyes dropped away from Shion's face toward the hand, before glancing up again in a lengthy fashion—like a coy school girl, eyes lidded, peering through lashes. With the care and pace of a true artist, as if the slightest mistake could break his character, he drew the hand toward him, lips kissing against the back of it and then barely grazing the knuckles as he leaned away. It was a feathery touch—a pure one that fit his character. Still holding his companion hostage, not only physically but mentally as well, he proceeded in his delivery,_  
_**"'Now by this kiss, th'admirer of thy skill,  
Thou art well worthy th' honour thou hast given  
With so sweet words—to thy eye-ravishing art,  
Of which my beauties can deserve no part.'"**_  
_That feminine grace remained throughout the recitation—a clear, sweet tone, but once the moment had passed, Nezumi couldn't help a small laugh as he reset his voice to its previous pitch. He let their hands fall toward the sheets once more, without pulling his own from Shion's._**  
**_**"With lines like that, I couldn't understand why the woman from before, Ai, refused to perform, so after the night's performances, when the others had gone to bed, I decided I'd look for her—it was idle curiosity." **__Or he had become a bit of a softie during his time with Shion, either or.__**"I found her sulking near the fire, and the moment I sat down, she stopped and stared. The girl was practically gawking, before she stammered out something like, 'Nice night isn't it?'. I told Ai that there was really no point trying to hide her sobbing now."**__A vaguely familiar situation there._**_ "Though.. the moment I said that, she spilled everything. Apparently, Ai thought her lover was—" _**_Well, there was no need to rehash all the details.__**"—unfaithful. Rambled on and on about other girls in the troupe until I interrupted to remind her there's a difference between a character and the actor himself, and that she should face the problem, crying and neglecting her work wasn't solve anything; it would just trouble everyone else.**_**  
**_** ..I wasn't exactly trying to help, but she took what I said to heart and confronted her partner, Hibiki, the next day."**_**  
**_His eyes fell toward their hands for a moment as he contemplated what way would best end the tale._**  
**_**"Hibiki had been asking around for advice, hiding it from Ai because he was ashamed—the guy could play the part of a lover but wasn't sure if he could be a proper one for Ai."**__His thumb brushed over Shion's wrist.__**"So when they finally talked it out, it felt like a scene from the play—misunderstandings and enough tears to give everyone else second-hand embarrassment. By the time I was ready to leave them, the happy couple was already becoming a pain in the ass for the entire troupe." **__No doubt the pair of them had some fairytale ending planned out by now.__**"The group thanked me for filling in the role and offered me a permanent stand-in position if I wanted it. And those kids from before were begging me to stay around a bit longer.. but we had to part ways at No.5. I was told the next time I ran into them, that I had a free seat at any performance—very generous of them, right?"**_

_Story finished, Nezumi merely smiled. He hadn't any regrets. That ache to travel had been subdued for the time being. He hadn't a speck of wanderlust visible within his smile. __**"Maybe if you make No.6 even more inviting, they'll stop by here and give us a show?" **__A light tease, but it wasn't all just wishful thinking; at the rate Shion was going, it felt possible. Shion seemed to have a knack for changing things to suit himself. He made the impossible.. feel possible._

* * *

**__****-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

* * *

This is the third chapter of my roleplay thread with my partner A-Wanderer-No-More on Tumblr.

**Nezumi =** _A-Wanderer-No-More_. [a-wanderer-no-more. tumblr. com]  
**Shion =** Me at _Shion-of-No.6_ [shion-of-no6. tumblr. com]

This is a really long thread. I expect it to be around 10 chapters long. My partner and I decided on weekly updates here.  
I hope you'll enjoy it.

_**Preview image by Fujiroku **_**[** _fujiroku. tumblr. com_ **]**


	4. Chapter 4

_"How did it happen that their lips came together? How does it happen that birds sing, that snow melts, that the rose unfolds, that the dawn whitens behind the stark shapes of trees on the quivering summit of the hill? A kiss, and all was said."_

_**~ Victor Hugo**_

.

* * *

**_S_**

* * *

_Nezumi's hair fanned around his head on the pillow when he dropped himself back down on the bed, breathing out his relief. Shion watched his expression relax, his entire endeavor mirroring a sense of familiarity and a habitual ease. Nezumi knew how to be with Shion like this. They both knew how to be together like this. That was why Shion had never considered another place for Nezumi to sleep._

_For eight years… they had spent every night they were in each other's lives in the same bed. Nezumi had fallen asleep in Shion's arms the night they had met and never once for over six months they had shared together, had Shion slept in anywhere else but Nezumi's bed. It was how it was meant to be. It was natural._

_The mere fact that Nezumi had felt the need to ask him, sent prickling currents of understanding across Shion's nerves. Nezumi was fully aware of what his return meant to Shion. He could see the possibilities –the inevitable– the outcome of the choices they had made. He knew, just as Shion did, what they were now._

_Nezumi had changed, Shion suddenly realized. The four years he had spent traveling across the endless expanses of the world had given him something more than calloused hands, knowing eyes and a permanently etched air of freedom he carried around him like a cloud. He smiled easier. Laughed louder. His crystalline eyes of incandescent grey burned with more vitality than they had ever had. Something within him had calmed… not tamed… but __**satisfied. **__His gaze fell on Shion with a gentleness that threatened to leave Shion breathless. He was much more patient –he had never interrupted Shion as he had babbled on and on about his life as they had breakfast– much more cheerful –Shion had always loved this side of him; even though those were rare, precious moments in the West Block– and he was much quieter. He was listening._

_Nezumi's soft murmur brought Shion back to their bedroom. Nezumi had chosen his story. He looked up towards the ceiling and started telling Shion another tale of a different city, of different people.. of a different world._

**_"_****_I had been through two towns by then. No.5 wasn't far from my sights—now that I think about it. A couple of kids—reminded me a bit of the ones you used to read to—were spying on me reciting a few lines of Hamlet. I sent them away, not really thinking much of it. The next day though, I spotted a group traveling in the back of a wagon—all of them singing. I decided to join in."_**

_Nezumi smiled. Shion thought he looked proud._

**_"_****_All the sudden, the kids popped up shouting and waving at me. Turned out, the group was an acting troupe, and the two kids had been telling the others about me the night before. The troupe was one reminiscent of the old Commedia dell'Arte style. I'm sure you haven't forgotten what that is."_**

_Shion's trained mind had swiftly provided him with the knowledge. He felt his heart skip a beat for knowing what Nezumi was talking about. The old Italian theater form consisting of improvised performances… It was just Nezumi's kind of thing. Shion nodded enthusiastically to answer Nezumi's gaze and leaned in closer towards him propping his chin on the palms of his hands._

**_"_********_Apparently there was 'trouble in paradise' for two of the actors. One of them refused to perform, so the group was in dire need of a replacement. And after hearing a few lines, they decided on past performer had been part of their 'innamorati' set, so I was filling in as an over dramatic woman in love. Guess that's what I get for reciting Ophelia's lines. Anyone with an ear for talent always casts me as a woman after one verse._**

"To be honest, the performance was over the top, more so than anything I performed in West Block—and don't get me started on the costumes—but it was enjoyable."

_Shion had nothing to say to that. He was too busy trying to imagine Nezumi on a make-shift stage, dressed as a beautiful woman who pledged her love under the night sky. He had heard Eve's voice many times… He could easily imagine how he must have captured everyone's attention, stealing their breath away, leaving them in a silent, goosebump filled awe that remained hung in the air even hours after the play was over._

_Shion was startled when Nezumi suddenly sat up and held his hand. The moment his silver gaze caught Shion's through dark eyelashes, Shion let out a weak 'oh'. Nezumi's lips, curved gently in an inviting smile, pressed against the top of Shion's hand. The kiss was fleeting and evanescent… A mere graze of velvet lips against his skin. Shion swallowed hard as one more time, he was subjected to the full power of argent grey._

_**"'**__**Now by this kiss, th'admirer of thy skill,  
**_**_Thou art well worthy th' honour thou hast given  
With so sweet words—to thy eye-ravishing art,  
Of which my beauties can deserve no part.'"_**

_Shion felt his entire body being lent to the melody of Nezumi's voice, his soul trapped in the confines of numinous grey eyes and his mind–always analytic, always rational–fell silent as if spellbound. His lips parted although he could not talk, he could not even breathe. Oh, how he had missed this…_

_Nezumi's chuckle as he shed Eve's opulent grace and allowed their entangled hands fall on the bed once more, reverberated within Shion's heart. Feeling the warmth of his skin in his palm, Shion watched him talk, listened to the mellifluous rise and falls of his voice and tried to imagine Ai and him sitting by the fire at night. Was it summer? Or was it spring? How did the air smell like? What did she look like? What had she seen in Nezumi's eyes? Was it this new touch of kindness that seemed to flicker behind his intimidating grace? Or was it something else Shion had, yet, never seen?_

**_"…_****_The group thanked me for filling in the role and offered me a permanent stand-in position if I wanted it. And those kids from before were begging me to stay around a bit longer.. but we had to part ways at No.5. I was told the next time I ran into them, that I had a free seat at any performance—very generous of them, right?"_**

_Shion nodded in agreement, still feeling slightly dazed. He couldn't take his eyes off Nezumi. The hand in his palm was also a great distraction when he needed all his attention to focus on giving a coherent reply to Nezumi. He had always had this effect on Shion. Rendering him speechless, making him tumble over his own words, cause disruptions and snaps between his articulately formulated thoughts when all Shion could think became the luminescent grey of his eyes or the sweet sound of his voice or how his heart leapt inside his chest when he heard him laugh._

_**"**__**Maybe if you make No.6 even more inviting, they'll stop by here and give us a show?"**_

_Nezumi smiled and Shion indulged in the sight of a crescent dimple at the corner of his lips. His expression showed a sort of calm Shion had never seen before. His smile was genuine, his hand holding onto his was gentle but firm and his eyes reflected elation; probably because, one more time, he had reduced Shion to a gaping admirer, not so unlike his very many fans across the world._

_Shion's mind reeled and replayed Nezumi's words once more; focusing on the meaning this time rather than the voice that enunciated the vowels and consonants. He smiled warmly back at him with true enthusiasm. _

_"__I'll definitely do my best."_

_Shion's answering smile ebbed into the rise of memories. His hand in Nezumi's twitched slightly as Shion was suddenly hit with the clandestine contrast of Nezumi from four years ago and the Nezumi sitting on his bed with him right now. He idly wondered if anyone but him would be able to tell the difference. If anyone would be able to feel the same tightening in their hearts the way Shion did when he saw the ease in which Nezumi moved, when he heard the joy in his voice or when Nezumi looked at him with eyes of placid grey… as if he was assured, certain… as if he was __**safe.**_

_Shion's eyes of red wine, as easily captivated by Nezumi's gaze as ever, fell lower as he couldn't help but stare at the little curve of his lips. His heart throbbed in his chest and he immediately felt embarrassed. Instead of looking away, Shion looked back into Nezumi's eyes–they were a little too knowing for his liking– and searched for the slightest implication of warning in the brilliant grey._

_There was no warning._

_Shion dropped Nezumi's hand as he leaned in and placed a hand on his chest. Without breaking the gaze, he tried to determine how to go best with it. He could feel the insecurity of having no real previous experience in the matter but he doubted anyone could have more motivation._

_"__Nezumi…"_

_He muttered the word in an exhale… His gaze momentarily broke away from the grey to his hand on his steadily heaving chest. His heart raced as his mind reminded him of the balcony and what had happened there. Of how it had felt, how Nezumi had felt against him, how he was lost in that warmth and how he had never felt more found, exposed and infinitely safe. How it had felt like, Nezumi too, was feeling the same._

_–__It should be okay, right? If I do this…?_

_"__Nezumi…" he met the silver eyes again. His heart skipped a beat. With each word that left his lips Shion felt a wave of heat rise from the core of his stomach to his face._

_"__Can I kiss you?"_

* * *

_**N**_

* * *

_With such bright and exuberant eyes peering toward him—no, through him, Nezumi had to wonder just where Shion had wandered off to. Had his mind somehow traveled far enough into the past to reach those summer's nights three years ago? Had he found himself seated along side Ai by the fire as the flames rose higher and higher into the blackened sky or was he standing mere inches away from the troupe's make-shift stage with various characters dancing about in elaborate hand-stitched costumes, making jokes of all sorts and rallying up the crowd? Did he stroll along side Nezumi when he joined in on the group's merry-making or.. was Shion a mere spectator in this retelling, someone who viewed it from a comfortable distance, unable to grasp the finer details or find a place for himself amongst the shuffle? Where exactly had Shion's thoughts taken him, over the course of the tale? And now that the story was finished.. how long until he returned? _  
_ Thankfully, Shion hadn't taken all that long to finally shake off that dopey expression of his; it seemed the airhead had found his way home once more—sure, he probably dilly-dallied on the return trip, but he had gotten back; that's all that mattered. Nezumi swallowed down a sly remark or two, and opted instead for keeping that dashing smile of his in place, the one that Shion was practically gawking at—yes, the same one that only popped up in the first place because of how awestricken he had gotten Shion with a few cheap lines. Though, it only remained because of Shion's response. He hadn't needed an answer because Nezumi had already known it. He had always known Shion would always do his best. The day they had parted, Shion took upon his shoulders a promise to reform this damned city into a true utopia—no, that wasn't quite right, not a utopia, but a place that welcomed those from all walks of life, a place that instead of sucking the life out of its surrounding areas, stretched it roots deep into the soil and entwined itself with the world around it, forming a mutually beneficial relationship between the city and all the special blocks and districts. _  
_ In due time, the troupe would find its way to the newly formed No.6. They'd stroll through the opened gates asking for a stage to perform on, and when that happened, Nezumi could introduce the lot of them to Shion, and the pair of them could take up that offer for front row seats. It'd be nice to find out just what the group had gotten into: were they still modifying scripts and running age old performances now and then or had they gone back to their origins, back to pure improvisation? Well, that would be something to wonder about later.._  
_ Right now, there was something far too interesting in front of him for his thoughts to drift elsewhere.._

_Shion, you can tell.. can't you?_  
_ For the briefest moment, their eyes had caught one another; there was no escape._  
_ ..It's written all over my face. You're not an idiot. You know exactly what I'm thinking.. but, it's what's running through your head too, isn't it?_  
_ And that second when Shion's eyes lowered, when they fell away, Nezumi found his answer. Wordlessly, Shion had made his intentions perfectly clear, and there was something about that candid behavior that made the motion seem.. sharper, per say. It was a swift and deeper cut that _exposed more_ of Nezumi beneath those red-wine eyes, and even with the lingering fears, Nezumi felt a sense of ease because, here, their desires coincided._  
_ There had been changes between them and within them. Shion had four years to come to terms with his feelings and the depth of them just as Nezumi had—well, sort of. There were still.. complications, but wasn't that expected? After all, it takes two, and when you've got more than six months of walking distance between yourself and your partner, it's kind of a "no-shit moment". Of course, not everything is going to end up being crystal clear. So yes, there were still complications. There was still so much red tape to cut through that they hadn't began to tackle it, and there would still be arguments, fights, and temptations to just say fuck it all, but there would also be compromise, understanding, and resolve to stay.. because it mattered. Because it would always matter._

_The moment Shion leaned in, Nezumi knew. He kept his mouth shut, but he knew, and when Shion cast his gaze upward once more, he had to fight back a smirk. Shion could be both surprising and predictable within the same span of time; that hadn't changed. _  
_ ..Well, aren't you bold._  
_ Nezumi mentally readied himself for what would surely come next. They had already shared a rather passionate embrace on the balcony, so there was no telling how quickly things might escalate in a warm, safe, and dry bedroom. He had to be the one to set boundaries in this situation, not only for himself, but for Shion as well. Nezumi had the experience, and thus, he was in the position to redirect things if the situation got too heated. As much as he'd love to indulge whatever fantasies Shion had, now wasn't the time—at least, not the time to go that far._

_A soft, low whisper of his name—nice angle, Shion, keep going—a hesitant glance downward—Go on, no one's stopping you—and then, another lengthy stare; one that was just as cutting as the time before, but double edged._  
_ If he weren't thrilled by Shion's attempts to take the initiative, he might have laughed—honestly, being asked? Talk about unromantic—but in Shion's case.. there was something, dare he say, arousing about the proposition, especially when coupled with that deep fluster and those hungry eyes. ..Certainly, no laughing matter._

_**"**__**I thought you'd never ask," **__He teased, leaning forward a tad himself but still not enough to steal the reins from their owner. __**"But yes," **__—a smile tinged in his voice— __**"you may." **__Ever so slightly, one of his hands pressed in the space along side Shion's upper thigh; the other remained stationary, keeping Nezumi fixed in place. This was a delicate process—heh, delicate? Since when had he become such a maudlin type—but, regardless, it was what it was. Jokes aside, he had to keep his own wits because there was a chance he could get just as caught up in the moment. Shion wasn't the only hot-blooded man in the room; as calm and cool as Nezumi would like to be, he was only human._

* * *

_**S**_

* * *

_The slowly approaching evening pressed firmly against the bedroom windows. The lights of the city expanding all around the apartment Shion lived in –now with Nezumi– blinked and glowed into the dark boundary between day and night. The rain, after three consecutive days, had finally reduced to a light drizzle. A clear stretch of zaffre sky was slowly chasing the rain clouds away as night rolled into No.6. It would not rain that night._

_Nezumi's eyes glowed silver, tinted golden with the lightest touch of Shion's bedside lamps. The hair draping loose around his shoulders smelled of vanilla –Shion's shampoo– and much like the hand against his thigh and the enticing fire in his argent eyes, that too, made it difficult for Shion to concentrate. Nezumi spoke; voice low and mellifluous, tingling against Shion's eardrums as he gave him permission to proceed but Shion barely waited for him to finish. He felt on the very edge of a cliff, looking down as his entire balance hung at the end of his carefully constructed resolve to not fall into it. He was aware there were boundaries still. That no matter what Nezumi's return meant, it didn't mean he would want everything Shion wanted–had wanted for years. But this moment was unpremeditated. It was not devised, it wasn't planned. Shion had no expectations nor did he have any ulterior motives. He only felt an irresistible gravity towards the man sitting across from him. An unadulterated need to be closer to him when he finally __**could be.**_

_It was like skipping a step down the stairs. That throbbing motion jumping awake at the pit of his stomach as he realized his next step would not fall somewhere he expected. He idly wondered as his hands cupped Nezumi's face before he was even done talking if that's what people meant when they used to words 'to fall in love'. It indeed felt like falling into something unknown to him. Something bottomless and infinite. Something he was still too naïve to fully understand for his life of twenty years was not enough to fathom the vastness of this feeling. He also had an aching premonition that no matter how long he lived alongside this man, inhaling his exhalations, sharing his meals, watching his raven locks turn as white as his own hair, and feeling that even the wrinkles of old age on their hands aligned to one another's when they held hands, he would still not fully understand what it meant to love Nezumi. 'Maybe I don't need to understand' he thought as he closed his eyes. 'Nezumi is here and he is alive. Isn't that all I need to understand?'_

_It was an elision, Shion knew. He lost his balance._

_The feel of Nezumi's lips against his alerted all his senses. The memory of their reunion out in the balcony, although still vibrant and fresh and so very exuberant, paled in comparison to what he felt now. Shion couldn't fathom why or how kissing Nezumi felt as right, as natural to him. How it felt more right than anything else he had done in his life, whether it was something as insignificant as him deciding to shave that morning or something as grand as moving the people in the lower parts of the West Block to the new residential area in Southern No.6. His heart rose up his throat as his hands brushed against the smooth skin of Nezumi's face, feeling the chiseled bone frame it was stretched over. Leaning in, Shion hesitantly parted his lips. His fingers buried themselves in locks of evening black; the smell of vanilla filled his lungs and Shion's tongue touched Nezumi's bottom lip. It slid over every minuscule crack and fractional rupture of skin, through the light graze of Nezumi's teeth and finally indulged in his succulent taste. Every thought in his mind disappeared in a penumbra of needful haze as his entire universe became the man in front of him. His mouth moved in a languid rhythm–one that he did not know how he had acquired. He breathed through his nose; each inhalation threatening to steal a shiver from his spine._

_Shion felt an overwhelming sense of idyllic peace. His expression was calm, concentrated and very much invested. He didn't think whether he was good at kissing Nezumi nor did he try to analyze the situation. He was aware of the slowly spreading fire Nezumi's taste–and his response– ignited within him and as it began to seep into his kiss, he didn't try holding it back. Tilting his head, Shion deepened the kiss. One of his hands ran up at the back of Nezumi's head through his hair, while the other remained over his cheek and jaw; holding him in place. Nezumi was everywhere around him. Shion's intake of air through parted lips climbed to a broken moan._

_Where was he supposed to stop at? How __**would he **__stop when Nezumi showed no signs of stopping himself? Shion felt like he could go on forever like this. He was wrapped in Nezumi's warmth, intoxicated with his taste and dizzied with his scent. He had imagined many times over the past four years how it would be like to kiss Nezumi for no other reason than simply wanting to. He had always believed he had a wild imagination–too wild to be suppressed by the old government's brain-washing. He was blessed with an overly active mind, allowing him to solve and resolve the most complicated types of problems; a memory that allowed him to conjure any necessary knowledge he had previously learned, no matter how much time had passed and he had an infallible observation skill. What Nezumi taught him; in stark contrast to what he had been taught since he was a child, was to __**feel**__instead of analyzing. To experience instead of turning things into theoretic knowledge. That's why only when Shion allowed himself to __**feel, **__he felt free._

_When he had first met Nezumi eight years ago, Shion had thought that his eyes had reminded him of the sky right before the crack of dawn. Eight years later, as he kissed him with all the love in his aching heart, and felt more alive than he ever did in his life, Shion thought Nezumi was his_ freedom.

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_**N**_

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_His mind wasn't overwhelmed by the atmosphere, nor did he give a damn about the setting sun or whether or not it would rain tonight. All that mattered sat before him, in this alien room, the one that felt as much like home as the person occupying it. But even then, the details of the room were just that—details, little tidbits that he couldn't care less about. What made this room, this apartment—Hell, even this fucking city—feel anything like home was Shion. Take him away and this place was as much like home as any other place in the world: just four walls that kept the elements at bay, or at least, muted enough to give this illusion of safety._  
_ But what was safety, when he really considered it, not some textbook definition, but in the simplest terms, what was it? How could he describe what it felt like to him, and him alone? _  
_ Those eyes, so deep, so passionate, and so vividly alive could swallow him up in a sea of red, engulf his entire being and drag him into the depths. And right there, that was it: a gaze that could both split him wide open and reduce him to bits and pieces of a man.. was also the definition of safety. Shion wasn't a monster, nor was he some untouchable god among men. He was more so a beacon of light in the darkest hour, a safe harbor awaiting a long since sailed vessel, one of which had intended to circumnavigate the globe. Shion could repair neither the wreckage nor the wear and tear of the vicious waves. The damage was irreversible; this ship would likely never sail again. But why set off once more when all the wonders of the world couldn't satisfy Nezumi the way lingering in those shallow waters of the port could? Rhetorical question._

_Each touch, every brush of those eager fingertips, left searing trails in their wake. Visible or not, he felt marked, claimed, like some branded creature, and yet, he remained still, allowing himself to be owned in this solitary moment._  
_ 'This is it..' His thoughts idly rang as hot breath slipped passed his lips, a rush of air from lungs that weren't his own, 'This is what I ran from..'. He wouldn't apologize because he wasn't guilty—he had no reason to be. If he hadn't left, none of this would have been possible. Without those four years, they couldn't sit before one another, letting hands and lips remember the other in a way they had never known to begin with. _  
_ Each moment, each second spent apart had its use. It allowed him time to reform himself, to become a person understanding of the longing within him and to what extent he was willing to change for the object of it. Over those four years, he had realized that since he was twelve, since he sat in a bedroom, not unlike this one, due to the kindness of a boy, now a man, that he had never been someone without influence of Shion. He had been given a second chance at life by Shion, and then, he had been bound by that debt: the need to repay it and escape the weight of it. At sixteen, Shion had become the sole source of countless emotions, ones he deemed unnecessary, but felt just the same. They were emotions that forced him to remember what humanity truly was, at its purest form: fighting, screaming, crying, and existing all for another's sake. Shion had become the subject of his fears, before becoming the hole in his heart, the darkest corners of his mind, and every shadow in every dingy apartment Nezumi ever slept in._  
_ Shion was around him, within him, and to some extent, Shion was as much part of what made him as Nezumi himself was._

_Without permission of his own thought, Nezumi's hand steadily climbed up Shion's thigh, palm rubbing up the fabric of his pant leg at a leisurely pace. Just the taste of that fire within Shion made it hard to contain himself, he just wanted to touch Shion, to let his hands wander, move about on their own accord. But there were boundaries, firmly drawn lines mapped out between them, he had to keep to himself; he couldn't roam like that—but he did. Slipping his hand upward, tracing along Shion's hip bone with his thumb all the while, Nezumi let his hand slide around Shion's waist, a finger hooking in one of his belt loops, held in place. The other shifted from the bed, causing him to lean backward onto the bed a touch more, and found its way to the nape of Shion's neck, digits barely tickling against that snowy hair he was so fond of._  
_ As the kiss deepened, when he could taste that low moan in his mouth, Nezumi, for the first time ever, felt lost in a kiss; never before had he been so enraptured by another person, and as much as their balcony kisses had meant, something about this one now held passion tenfold. How was it that each kiss progressively intensified? Could it be possible that no kiss between them would ever feel the same, that there would never be a sense of familiarity? A cliched line came to mind—one reserved for tricking school girls into believing in true love, one he scoffed at, called cheap, the first time he heard it. But now, he considered, that there just might be a sliver of truth to it.._

_Shion moved on instinct, kissed in a way that couldn't be taught, one that let his cravings seep into the motion and spread to Nezumi; they stretched throughout every part of him until Shion's longing became his longing and vise versa, until they reached the same level of intensity. It was at that moment that Nezumi knew—he knew that if Shion wanted more than this, if he wanted something beyond kisses, there would be no way to deny him. Nezumi couldn't withhold anything from Shion, especially not pleasure.  
_

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**__****__****-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

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This is the fourth chapter of my roleplay thread with my partner A-Wanderer-No-More on Tumblr.

**Nezumi =** _A-Wanderer-No-More_. [a-wanderer-no-more. tumblr. com]  
**Shion =** Me at _Shion-of-No.6_ [shion-of-no6. tumblr. com]

This is a really long thread. I expect it to be around 10 chapters long. My partner and I decided on weekly updates here.  
I hope you'll enjoy it.

_**Preview image by Fujiroku **_**[** _fujiroku. tumblr. com_ **]**


	5. Chapter 5

_"Human behavior flows from three main sources: desire, emotion, and knowledge."_

_**~ Plato**_

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**_S_**

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_Shion could feel every taste bud on Nezumi's tongue as he kissed him with searing languor. Entangled in his fingers, locks of raven black hair brushed against his skin. A silken touch that instilled a silent sense of awe from deep within him. Shion's eyes fluttered behind closed eyelids, white lashes casting shadows on matured cheekbones. Each motion felt like a perfect step from a well-memorized waltz. Harmonious and fluid. Forwards and backwards. Almost a tidal rhythm exuberant in every dizzying movement. Nezumi did not hold back. He met him with every flick of tongue, every graze of teeth and every touch of Shion's trembling lips. The more Shion ventured the deeper he wanted to wade in. The closer he got, the less sufficient it felt. He felt every inch of his body react to Nezumi; to his smell, his touch, his taste. Shion felt famished._

_The hand on his thigh seemed to set his skin on fire. It left aching trails of goosebumps in its wake; each a scintilla of flames that were beginning to kindle within him, as the hand languidly moved up over his pants. Higher. Higher. Higher__**… **o__ver the swell of his hipbone and around his waist. Shion was practically in Nezumi's arms._

_It was not enough._

_Nezumi's breath between each lengthy kiss tingled on his lips, stealing shivers from him as it fanned against his sensitive skin. Shion chanced an ephemeral gaze at Nezumi through heavy eyelids. The sight of pure concentration and dulcet oblivion in his expression made his breath catch in his throat. His heart skipped a beat and his hand in Nezumi's hair tightened. He had never seen such an ineffably serene look on Nezumi's face. Even when he was asleep–Shion had watched him sleep many times–he had never looked so peaceful, so staggeringly beautiful. Nezumi wanted this. He wanted it as much as Shion did. Shion felt his heart swell and throb painfully hard against his chest._

_The shift in Nezumi's position pulled Shion in. Nezumi lay down on his back, dragging Shion with him by the neck as he refused to part with his lips. Shion was of similar mind as he dazedly followed his retreating body. He placed a hand on the bed right next to Nezumi's head while the other tentatively touched Nezumi's face. Leaning in, Shion experimented with the new angles hovering over Nezumi allowed him to try. Soon after, his hand protested, carrying his entire weight and the pressure added by Nezumi's pull. Shion lowered himself onto Nezumi as he balanced himself on his left arm. His fingers once more buried themselves in his hair as Shion shuddered at the sensation when he felt the warmth of Nezumi's body beneath him. His lips parted and a shaky gasp and a tremulous sigh that followed rushed through the kiss and brushed against Nezumi's mouth._

_Opening his eyes, Shion met Nezumi's ethereal gaze. The light of the bedside lamps accented the numinous grace of his face. His eyelashes looked like tiny trails of ink vestige; framing those pair of luminescent grey eyes Shion had loved since the day he had first seen them. His skin was pale and unexpectedly smooth. Shion thought he must have shaved when he had had a shower in his bathroom that morning. His fingertips traced the prominent lines of his transcendental features. Across his eyebrows, down his cheekbones, slipping past his jaw line and coming to a hesitant stop over his reddened lips. Glancing into his eyes, Shion idly wondered if Nezumi was about to tease him for his actions. He certainly didn't look as thoroughly spellbound as Shion felt. He thought he would not care even if Nezumi teased him. This was the first time he had ever been as close to Nezumi that he could see every speck and pore of his skin and he wanted nothing more than to take his time, to extend this evening by hours, days.. years if possible and never leave Nezumi's arms._

_Inhaling a long breath, Shion filled his lungs with the sweet smell of vanilla and Nezumi's own scent. He knew this scent so well; every fiber of his being was jolted awake by it. He had been helplessly drawn to it every night he had laid beside him in a cramped bed, shunned in an underground room that was filled with thousands of books in the West Block. His eyes closed as he held his breath and leaned in once more to kiss him._

_He had kissed only Nezumi his entire life so he didn't have much to go by in terms of experience but he had noticed that every time it happened, it felt different than all the other instances. If it was what he was feeling–what they were feeling– that determined the nature of a kiss, Shion fleetingly thought that this was going to be something to behold. Heat was pooling into his lap, spreading through his nerves and prickling across his skin. Shion felt his kiss gain momentum as he felt Nezumi's warmth envelope him. Something close to euphoria swept his mind clean of all thoughts and idle wondering. For the first time since he met Nezumi, Shion allowed his instincts take ahold of him and for a split second the desire to be evermore closer to him became the only notion he could think of. His hips jerked forward in an involuntary motion. The movement sent waves of mind-numbing pleasure across his whole body, stealing a hoarse whimper that tumbled over his lips and Shion was suddenly brought back to his senses. He broke the kiss with a gasp, let go of Nezumi and quickly pulled back. His eyes were wide open and his face was flushed up to his ears. He sat on his heels between Nezumi's legs, ran the back of his hand over his mouth while the other fell limp on his lap as he tried to understand what had just happened. He couldn't look Nezumi in the eyes, he couldn't talk, he couldn't think._

_He knew he had crossed the line. _

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_**N**_

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_He remained curious, enraptured, drawn in.. even now. How was it that Shion could retain that aberrant nature of his even in a moment like this? Nezumi hadn't the slightest clue; honestly, it was beyond him. But then again, wasn't that how Shion had always been: an open book written in a dead language. No matter how many times Nezumi read between the lines, judged them backward and forward, or changed his perspective, he would never grasp all of what was presented. The same way letters could become just about anything depending on the order—that was Shion. Only in brief hours did he reveal some hidden truth, the real side of himself amongst all the confusion, before sealing it away once more.  
..But at least, his actions were honest.  
Shion's heart thumped loudly against his rib-cage barely hovering above Nezumi. The rhythm of his sank up with Nezumi's, and that beautiful thundering resounded within him. It was a reminder that this was real, that Shion, alive with hot blood coursing through his veins, was truly wrapped up in his arms.  
No tricks. No dreams. No memories.  
Just reality._

_With all the angles Shion was going at, it felt a bit like being analyzed—not that he was against it. Actually, there was something playful about the way Shion went about things. His gestures and the way he seemed to keep resetting his position time after time made it clear: he was looking for the best kiss from his new vantage point. If Nezumi had known just how much fun it would be to entertain Shion's fascination with him, he'd have tried this out years ago. (Mind you, that was a joke.)  
But finally, Shion had sank himself down, closing the small gap between their bodies. Pressed together, mere slips of fabric remained their only boundaries. How thick such thin threads felt with tensions on a steady rise. If he wanted, Nezumi realized, he could simply unhook his fingers from those belt loops and slip his hand up Shion's back, beneath his shirt, and feel against that burning skin. It'd be easy, especially without much protest.. from either party. But he knew better, so instead, he slid his hand upward, trailing along Shion's spine through the material, fingers dipping in between his shoulder blades before abruptly clutching his shirt.. at the sound of that gasp.  
'Fuck, Shion..' It was a misstep on his part, a hidden ability he hadn't even considered. But why hadn't he thought of it? It wasn't as if Shion had ever displayed some lack of vocal ability. His voice had always been relatively pleasant—sure, a bit like a buzzing bee in his ear during their younger years, but still.. And now, there was a different set to it when it hit a higher pitch mid-gasp along with a contrast at the sigh, a lower bar: the best of both registers.  
Nezumi swallowed hard._

_Cutting through the fragile darkness, grey eyes found Shion's gaze, locked onto him, fixed—ever so fixed.  
Lying beneath Shion, chest rising and falling, hair sprawled out against the pillow, Nezumi drank in the way the light illuminated Shion's intentions, the way it revealed a darker, yet alluring, side of his adoration. Fingertips, inquisitive as ever, traced along minor details. Anyone else would have been slapped away, but the way Shion's eyes chased after his own fingertips made the entire act seem.. enchanting. When those digits rested lightly on Nezumi's lips, he greeted them with soft kisses, eyes still caught on Shion as he slipped his own hand away from the other man's hair and knitted his fingers between Shion's. Pulling those curious hands away, he teased lowly, __**"Now, your highness, give me my sin again." **__As if by cue, Shion was leaning in once more—another kiss was beginning, but something felt.. different. The intensity had increased in those fickle moments before, perhaps in Shion or maybe in Nezumi, himself. Hard to say—well, until all at once, Shion ground his hips down against Nezumi's, a low whine escaping him.  
His eyes fluttered open abruptly. Nezumi was taken by surprise—no, not by the motion itself, but by the fact that Shion had broken away. There was half a bed's distance between them already.  
Sitting up, Nezumi almost let out an exasperated sigh, well, before he took note of just how terrified Shion looked.  
__**"Shion.." **__There wasn't an ounce of annoyance in his voice, instead, his tone was gentle. Dammit, this wasn't the reaction he had expected in the least. He shifted, sliding across the distance, until they were face-to-face again. Even with Shion's head down, heat spread from his cheeks up to his ears; the red contrasted heavily against the stark white of his hair, seemed that would always be his color scheme. Nezumi reached a hand outward and tugged that stubbornly clamped palm from over Shion's mouth. He tipped up Shion's chin, guiding the other to look him in the eye.  
__**"Why'd you stop?" **__Not a hint of sarcasm nor a speck of ridicule touched his tone, it was just a question: inflection at the end and a lack of understanding through the rest. Nezumi honestly couldn't grasp why Shion had jerked away from him like that. Was this an case of 'too fast' or 'too soon'? Or was he just 'not ready' or 'not sure'? What caused him to try and practically leap out of his—oh! Realization spread across Nezumi's features—maybe, he was a bit flattered, too, or maybe, he figured now was the time to call Shion a fool.  
'You waited..' The thought came to mind as his hand slipped from Shion's chin, lightly stroking the curl of his fingers along Shion's burning cheek. 'You waited for me.. to be the first.'_

_**"**__**Shion," **__He began again—before licking his slightly sore lips, __**"if this isn't what you want.. It's alright to stop." **__'I'd never force you to do something like this.. If you don't want it, then I won't lay a finger on you..' __**"But if you do want to keep going.." **__Nezumi smiled, not a lewd one that held promises of vulgar delights, but a somewhat.. charming one that swore Shion would be in good hands. __**"Then you don't need to hold back."**_

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_**S**_

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_Shion did not know how to close the distance between them again. He didn't know how he could take those last two minutes backs and continue kissing Nezumi without doing the same mistake; without showing him that selfish, inconsiderate side of him. He couldn't look up from the bed, eyes wide and fixed on a tangle of creases on the linens they were sitting on. The ache between his legs was gratingly strong but his shame was much stronger._

_Nezumi had returned __**that **__very morning. It hadn't even been a full twelve hours since Shion had found him standing under the pouring rain with his head raised towards the leaden sky. They had not seen one another for four years. For four years, they had had no means of communication or any brief meetings. After four, incredibly long years, this was the first time Shion had finally reunited with Nezumi… and he had lost control. He had gone too far. He had let Nezumi see that he was longing for him just like his very many fans all around the world did. Vulgarly. Rudely. Tactlessly. He had acted on his desire to be close to him without permission._

_Nezumi sat up and scooted over the bed towards him. Shion's hand flattened over the front of his pants, trying to hide what he felt was obvious. His other hand was over his own mouth as if he couldn't believe what he had just done. Nezumi pulled it away. Shion's gaze fled away from Nezumi's face as he tilted his chin up. He could not look at him. Embarrassment churned bitter in his stomach._

_—__** "**__**Why'd you stop?"**_

_There was no anger in his words. No blame. No accusation. There was only a curious tone of tenderness imbued in the natural beauty of his voice. Shion chanced a fleeting glance into his eyes before he felt his face burn more fiercely and looked down at his hands sitting on his lap._

_Why was Nezumi asking this? As if.. as if he was implying it was acceptable to… continue?_

_Shion felt his heart throb. How was he going to reply to him? How could he explain to him that for years.. years he had dreamed about him, __**only him**__; his unearthly face that took his breath away, his ethereal eyes Shion would never be able to forget, the warmth of his hands he could still feel on his skin, the memory of the voice that seeped into him like the lazy prickling of rainwater in night clad caves… How would he explain to him that he had weakly, selfishly betrayed his memory; that he had undone every boundary and restriction between them in the blazing haze of his mind and the slow burning ache in his heart, here, right on this very bed in nights of utter solitude and when the longing he felt for him was enough to suffocate him where he lay? How would he ever be able to tell him that he yearned from him like no man ever yearned for someone else and yet he would continue living out his life without ever laying a finger on him if he didn't want it and that he would not think twice about it? Would Nezumi understand… would his silver gaze lock onto his, as effortlessly as it always did; would it reach deep inside him and find his strongest desires, his darkest secrets, truest intentions and see that Shion wanted nothing more in the world, than he wanted his love? Even more than he wanted __**him?**_

_.Nezumi's fingers brushed against his cheek. Shion's felt his throat tighten with things he could not say. He wanted to apologize. To tell him that he was sorry for not knowing what to do. For not being able to control the part of him that wanted to do it nevertheless. For not being able to look him in the eye. For one more time, not being his equal._

_**"**__**Shion…"**_

_Nezumi's voice came in a low, gentle rush in his ears. Shion's heart skipped a much needed beat as it always did upon hearing Nezumi say his name. He would never be able to not answer that call. He would never be able to leave Nezumi waiting after he called his name. Shion forced himself to raise his head and meet his gaze. Nezumi's expression threw him off balance. The compassion in his features and the warmth in his liquid silver eyes made his hands shake._

_**"**__**If this isn't what you want.. It's alright to stop… But if you do want to keep going.."**_

_Nezumi smiled. Shion felt as if a warm, soft cloth was wrapped around him. Heat rushed in his veins, raising the hair on his skin, making his blood boil. He incredulously felt himself stiffen beneath his hands over the front of his pants._

_**"…**__**Then you don't need to hold back." **__Nezumi finished and Shion saw truth in his eyes. He meant every word of it. He was saying it was alright to let go. He was saying it was alright to touch him the way Shion had been craving to touch him for years… to kiss him the way he had always dreamed of kissing him. To… to be as close to him as two people could possibly be. Shion searched his eyes for the faintest hint of hesitation, vaguest notion of reluctance, and any sign that might imply he was only doing this for him. But he had __**felt **__the way Nezumi was kissing him. He had heard his breath hitch and his heart race before Shion had ground into him. Shion's whole body had shuddered at the feel of Nezumi's hand roaming his back, at the honey-sweet taste of his tongue in his mouth. He was as lost in the feeling as Shion had been. Well… just more in control._

_Shion swallowed hard._

_"__I… do… I do want it. I've always did. But I don't…" he grimaced as a fresh wave of embarrassment tinted his cheeks red. "… I don't know what I am doing." He looked down at his hands. "I don't know where I should stop. I don't know what is okay to do and what isn't. I don't know how to go with it either. I… I do want you. Nezumi… I want you so much I feel like it is killing me. You are here… you are here with me now and I've waited so long for this. But I am so scared that I will do something wrong and you will—"_

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_**N**_

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_The struggle Shion had against locking gazes made it clear: behind those bright eyes were emotions, tons of them, all dancing about: easy to recognize, easy to decipher, like reading a familiar page from a well-known fable. Just one glance would lay it all out for Nezumi, reveal exactly what had caused Shion to jerk away so fiercely. But he kept his head ducked for the longest, hiding all his feelings, and Nezumi couldn't help the bit frustration his reluctance caused—'Look at me, dammit!' There was a wash of relief, though, the moment he finally caught Shion's eye. And right there, he could tell just like that: their feelings really were the same. Shion wanted this just as much, if not more, than Nezumi._  
_ But when Shion finally spoke, it was like a dam breaking. Suddenly, all these honest and sincere fears, worries, and concerns were spilling from his mouth rapidly. Nezumi was blind-sighted. He didn't have some prepared comeback or witty response because just like that, his mind had gone blank: clean slate, empty canvas. It lasted for a second, just an instant before everything caught up and poured over him at once. Averting his eyes, he tried to find the right words. What could he say to all of that? It wasn't as if these feelings were new. There had been confessions, promises, and Shion had even once been determined to leave everything behind and follow him to the ends of the earth. Shion had always lo—well, cared about him, and Nezumi was no different. But hearing it now, hearing it all out right like this.. it felt—and he was stumped. How did he feel?_  
_ ..Maybe, a bit embarrassed. Overwhelmed, for sure. But also, he felt.. a tightness in his chest, a feeling that reinforced that desire. It kept his hand on Shion's cheek, kept him in place, but also.. kept him silent._  
_ There wouldn't be any teasing. Considering how embarrassed he felt from all this, it was clear that he shouldn't be screwing around with Shion now of all times, even as he flinched, flustered, and fidgeted right in front of Nezumi. As tempting as it was to project a little, he just couldn't not that it kept him from wanting to mutter a low, 'you can't hide it now' in regards to Shion's hand placement. The fact remained that the pair of them were antsy enough without his smart-ass remarks, and truth be told, actions spoke louder than words at this point, so he wasn't about to try and make light of the situation. They just needed to dive in, let their bodies be candid with one another._  
_ And maybe the delay was just adding to all the other emotions. He was getting irritated—no, not irritated, more like, impatient. 'You talk too much, Shion. It's not rocket science.' _  
_ Still, he listened, listened as calmly as he could until he had enough of the stammering, until he knew Shion was just running around in circles looking for some golden answer, like a dog chasing its own tail before realizing it's been attached the whole time. Shion already knew all he needed to know on the subject. The rest was all hands on learning._

_Nezumi slid his hand along the curve of Shion's scar, curled his fingers in that soft, snowy hair, and drew himself to Shion, closing the distance without batting an eyelash. He was done with all Shion's prattling, with all his babbling. He made his point, and that was the end of it. That mouth of his had much better uses, Shion had already proven that, so Nezumi bypassed the sweet steps and kissed him hard. The pair of them toppled over, and he claimed the dominant position this time._  
_**"Don't think," **__He muttered, pressing his forehead against Shion's for a brief moment, a small prelude before he put himself to work. Grey eyes searched for understanding, before he smiled, __**"Just feel." **__Nezumi tipped his head to the side, parted Shion's lips and let his tongue run across the other man's, teasing him into action. It wasn't a power struggle, more so, a simple performance of improvised steps, a game of just doing what felt good, what felt right._  
_ He broke away from the kiss, tugging Shion's bottom lip along with him, then releasing it with a slight smack as he lowered himself to kissing over Shion's chin and down his neck. Smirking all the while against that scarred band, he trailed his lips across Shion's throat, searching for the perfect spot, the best place to leave his mark. And when he found it, his teeth raked across it before rolling the skin and sucking on it; he had to leave a good reminder for Shion, one that he'd feel the moment he woke up, so he'd remember, so he'd know this all happened._  
_ His eyes flickered upward to drink in Shion's expression. This was a first time experience, one he'd have to commit to memory.. though there would be quite a few more to see tonight._  
_ Letting go of the abused skin, Nezumi nudged the fresh mark with his lips. Even against that red snake, it showed brightly, boldly—just as intended. But this wasn't the time to admire his work, not yet, he had to finish up completely. Only when he had Shion lying flat on his back, fully spent, shivering from post-orgasm, could he take any pride in his work._

_But that meant it was finally time to get to work—no more fooling around. All this was mere child's play compared to what he had in mind, and thus, he sat up, sliding one of his legs over the edge leaving the other knee bent on the bed. Leaning forward, he kept his eyes fixed on Shion, appraising his already frazzled state with a knowing smile, and all at once, he slipped his hands beneath Shion's thighs, jerking him down to the edge as well, pulling both his legs fully over the side of the bed. Much better, but.. they were closer now, dangerously close. Nezumi could feel Shion's heart pounding, could see the anticipation in his eyes—one of them was prepared, but Nezumi wasn't sure if it was him._  
_ 'One more, just one more.' His hands drew upward cupping Shion's cheeks, and no doubt, there was an unfamiliar look in his eyes, one that spoke the words he hadn't before, ones he would probably not say for months, maybe even a year; but, one day, he'd let the words find a voice, just not today. He kissed Shion just as feverishly as before, draping his arms over Shion's shoulders, messing his hair, all in a brisk manner, before tearing himself away. With a lick of his lips, Nezumi let his hands glide down Shion's chest, stomach, down to his waist, as he sank down from the bed, onto the floor, until he was knelt before of Shion._  
_**"Your majesty, I have but a humble request." **__Retracting his fingers from Shion, he drug them through his loose hair, tossing it back over his shoulders a bit. __**"Mind hold it up for me?" **__'Since I know you wouldn't have the gall to grab it yourself._

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_**To Be Continued...**_

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This is the fifth chapter of my roleplay thread with my partner A-Wanderer-No-More on Tumblr.

**Nezumi =** _A-Wanderer-No-More_. [a-wanderer-no-more. tumblr. com]  
**Shion =** Me at _Shion-of-No.6_ [shion-of-no6. tumblr. com]

This is a really long thread. I expect it to be around 10 chapters long. My partner and I decided on weekly updates here.  
I hope you'll enjoy it.

_**Preview image by Fujiroku **_**[** _fujiroku. tumblr. com_ **]**


	6. Chapter 6

"My fault, my failure, is not in the passions I have, but in my lack of control of them."

**~ _Jack Kerouac_**

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_The words accumulating to construct the feelings in his heart into sentences that made sense were lost, swallowed by Nezumi's lips. He wasted no time with pleasantries. When he kissed Shion, it was filled with everything he would not say in response to his burst of emotions he had tried to vocalize. Falling back on the bed with Nezumi on top of him, it only took a single moment for Shion to catch up with him. Eyes that had widened with surprise, closed over the crimson gaze. His body sank beneath Nezumi's weight as his head spun at the familiar unpredictability. His heart skipped a beat in aching recognition of Nezumi's untamed nature.. his impulsive disposition.. his stormy make-up. 'This is him,' Shion thought fleetingly. 'This is Nezumi.' The thought crossed his mind before he lost it in the misty haze Nezumi's warmth evoke within him. He knew he had said enough. He didn't need to speak another word. Nezumi understood him._

_"__**Don't think…" **__Nezumi murmured against his lips. A vast, infinite sea of molten silver devoured Shion. __**"Just feel." **__he said and the joy that curved his lips into that unruly smile Shion loved more than the world itself, stirred skin-deep waves of desire shooting through his nerves. He wanted to taste him. To taste that smile, to map out the curves and lines and swells of his reddened lips .When Nezumi dived, Shion rose to meet him, tilting his head in a perfect mirroring motion. His fingers weaved themselves into dark locks, closing into gentle fists as his knuckles ground against the roots._

_Nezumi's tongue in his mouth was velvet hot and sweet as honey. Shion wrapped both arms around his shoulders, pulled Nezumi closer to him and concentrated on kissing him back with the all-consuming desire running rampant within his body. Nezumi's hand in his hair made him want to __**grow **__into his hands, expand within his embrace and be tightly entrapped in his figure hovering over him. Without thought, without an ounce of planning; on pure instinct Shion spread his legs; his knees parted on either side of Nezumi's body causing the fiber of their clothes rustle as they brushed against Nezumi's sides. The following contact made him gasp, and a high-pitched exhale fell into the small space between their lips. Shion's head rolled back as Nezumi released his bottom lip and he felt his mouth against his burning skin. The warmth of his breath was soon replaced with the scorching hotness of his lips. Nezumi kissed his chin and his lips traveled down his neck. Shion shuddered at the sensation breaking his skin into a million tiny speckles of undulating fire. A lengthy moan spilled through parted lips as Nezumi's mouth worked over his sensitive skin. His hands in Nezumi's hair tightened, his legs pressed hard against Nezumi's sides and for one stretched moment, he saw stars behind his tightly shut eyelids. The tongue that grazed his skin was searing, the fire of it blinding him to anything else around him. In a fraction of a second Shion was suddenly hit with the sharp understanding that everything he had imagined to this day, everything his over-active mind had presented to him in desperate need to substitute the emptiness Nezumi had left behind, were simply __**nothing**__ compared to this. His fantasies, his dreams, his most secret thoughts surfacing only in the dead of the night when he had no strength left to keep them at bay, were mere ghosts of reality. Feeble fabrications of hollow images—void of depth, void of colors, void of __**truth**__._

_Shion had never imagined… never once had he thought that Nezumi could feel so strongly about him._

_Shion felt his throat tighten with emotions as the mouth on his neck trailed across the raise of his scar. His imperfection became Nezumi's guide and in the next second, Shion felt the graze of teeth, then the searing sense of his skin being sucked by Nezumi's mouth. A shaky moan leaked into the silence of the bedroom. It was an unrestricted crescendo of drawn-out pleasure and Shion's whole body shook in Nezumi's arms. His hands tugged at the back of Nezumi's shirt and his fingers raked his back over the thin fiber. Nezumi's tongue soothed over the sore skin as Shion tried to steady his pants. A word fell clumsily in the evening dim surrounding them._

_"__Nnezumiii…"_

_Without warning, Nezumi's weight disappeared from on top of him. Shion looked up as his arms fell limp on the bed on each side and saw Nezumi looking down at him with such __**praise**__ that Shion felt his face burn up. Before he had a chance to catch up with the abruptness in which Nezumi broke away from him, hands slipped beneath his thighs and he was pulled hastily down towards the edge of the bed, cracking creases on the linens as his body dragged them down along with a rush of rustling. Shion's groin made contact with Nezumi's leg in between his thighs.. Before Shion could even raise a sound, his face was cupped with Nezumi's hands and he was kissing him._

_The look imbued in the argent glow took his breath away. Shion drew in a tremulous gasp against Nezumi's mouth as every part of his body; every limb, every curve and every line aligned and entwined itself with Nezumi's body in his arms. Holding Nezumi like this.. the realization of the act itself was enough to drive him mad with ecstasy. His eyes —clouded and heavy lidded with desire, lust and staggering love— wandered from Nezumi's lips to his silver gaze. Shion drank in the overwhelming warmth in the depths of those ethereal eyes he had loved since he was twelve. Their tongues dissolved against one another and Shion felt like he was desperately trying to quench some thirst he had been feeling for years. Before long—'too soon,' Shion thought ephemerally—Nezumi had torn himself away from him, leaving Shion disheveled and __**aching **__on the bed. His hands remained the longest on him, roaming down his body; fingers catching on the creases and folds and hems until finally they came to a stop on his thighs._

_Under Shion's needy gaze, Nezumi knelt between his legs and Shion's heart stopped dead between frantic beats. He understood what Nezumi had in mind and a strange strangled sound issued from his throat. Propping himself up on his elbows, Shion stared at Nezumi with shock, incredulousness and helpless desire burning in wide-eyes. He was still panting when Nezumi coyly asked him to hold his hair up —something mischievous and feral and wild flickering in his eyes. Shion's heart throbbed painfully in his chest and the ache between his legs intensified tenfold. Unable to talk, unable to project any coherent sound that would pass as an acceptable reply, Shion could merely nod as he reached out a shaking hand and held the hair Nezumi had pulled up in a handful, fingers lacing through the roots and palm flat over his head. He couldn't help but notice how utterly erotic it looked and at that moment Shion knew he was done for. _

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_All those moans and gasps, the grinding and clawing, every little motion and _emotion_ leaking from Shion, coming at Nezumi from all angles, was encouraging. His actions were all being met with positive reinforcement, a steady reminder that 'yes, this _was_ good' and 'yes, this _feels_ good', and 'yes, don't you _dare _fucking stop again'. These were Shion's feelings, the ones he hadn't put into words but had let come alive through throaty sounds and thrusting hips. These were truths that needed no understanding, only acceptance. Because they weren't complicated; bodies, in that sense, weren't all that complex. They spoke to one another through the way they gravitated toward what they enjoyed and shied from what they didn't. And right now, there was no denying Shion's attraction to him, and Nezumi, well, he wasn't any different._  
_ From the way that silver gaze traced every inch of Shion's body to the way he licked his lips with a strange sense of anticipation—it was clear that he was just as needy and just as selfish. He wanted Shion to know that the man he had waited for, the man he desired, the man he loved, felt just the same. He wanted nothing more than for Shion to accept the confession he couldn't vocalize, the one that he presented through every kiss, every lidded glance, and every stroke of the skin._

_Lashes fluttered shut at the touch of Shion's hand, at the light caress of his fingers through dark strains that were a tad longer than they used to be. That gentleness of Shion's had somehow remained even when the object of all his desires had been put right into his hands, willingly even. Many a men were monsters when they yielded to temptation, Nezumi knew that, but Shion.. he was different, always different. He was timid, hesitant even, a bit like a blushing bride. How quaint. Not in the mocking sense either. There was honestly something appealing about the way that Shion refused to be led astray. No matter how many years had passed, no matter what horrors Shion faced, and no matter what Nezumi had done—Shion had remained himself. He was softhearted toward those he loved—ah, and there was that word again.._  
_ Nezumi opened his eyes ever so slowly, staring up toward those lustful pools of red. Shion, sweet or not, was still a man with needs, ones he couldn't hide with such honest eyes. That gaze practically begged for release; it teetered just on the edge. Nezumi couldn't bite back his smile; it was the same as before, the one that spoke of some well-kept secret, that knew the future of tonight's endeavors. He had the plans and the confidence that would, without a doubt, lead him to outstanding results. There was no "better in theory" for someone like him. He just wasn't the type to give in. The outcome would be _exactly_ as he desired or he just wasn't through yet._

_His hands stroked languidly up Shion's thighs, smoothing out the material on their trail upward, as he leaned forward, teeth tugging at clasp of Shion's pants before finally undoing it—almost—he parted the fabric and jerked down the zipper—one more layer. Fingers hooked into the hem of those pesky boxers, yanking them out of the way—and, there we go._  
_ For a moment, Nezumi couldn't help but feel flattered at just how aroused he had gotten Shion. Who knew a bit of sloppy kisses could get a boy so worked up, though.. calling him a boy seemed wrong after seeing him like this. Shion had really grown up, and he certainly had nothing to be ashamed of._  
_ A glance upward, he just needed one to take in that expression—and God, what an expression it was; Shion was quite possibly a natural at everything, and when it came to things like these.. it was always in the best of ways. Moving a hand forward, he lightly massaged Shion's inner thigh, a vain attempt at soothing whatever worries might be troubling that mind of his, the things he knew better than to say at risk of ruining the mood. No matter how much he had read or seen about these things, this was Shion's first sexual experience. Naturally, he'd have a few worries.. and some were probably valid. He'd likely know some things here and there, but overall, Nezumi hadn't too many expectations to begin with. As long as Shion gave him some sort of sign like anyone else near climax, they'd be fine, regardless of timing._  
_ He dipped forward, tilting his head to the side, and ever so slowly, ran the flat of his tongue from base to tip, eyes flickering up just to catch sight of Shion's face at that initial touch—fuck, he'd be a liar to pretend that expression, or even more so that sound Shion made, was anything but arousing. Dammit, this was just perfect. At the rate this was going, he'd end up all hot and bothered getting Shion off. And that just wasn't part of the plan; he had already set himself to the idea of Shion not laying a finger on him once this was finished with. But it seemed, regardless of how much he chastised his own body's reaction, he wasn't going to settle down anytime soon._  
_ Tipping his head in the opposite direction, Nezumi curled his tongue, drawing it around the base, opening his mouth wider; right now, he needed to focus on the task at hand: the sooner he had Shion prepared the better. There were more things for him to think of aside from those hips twitching beneath his hands or those fingers knotted in his hair, and even those rises and falls in Shion's voice at the smallest flicks of his tongue._  
_ '..Fuck' Nezumi shuttered, mouth moving lazily up to the tip of Shion's length, aligning himself properly, 'If it keeps up like this..' He didn't need to finish the thought: If it keeps up like this, he'd lose his mind by the time Shion finally came._

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_Thick and numinously lustrous like his grey eyes, Nezumi's dark tresses felt silken in his hand. Shion's fingers weaved into it and watched Nezumi close his eyes at the touch, inky lashes fluttering at the edges of almost translucent eyelids. Shion had felt the ineffable desire to touch his hair many times in the past when they had shared a room for six month. It was almost a painful kind of longing, urging him to run his fingers through the rich locks and nestle his face at the base of Nezumi's neck, nose buried in his hair. He had shied away. Touching Nezumi was not something he could do easily back then. And it wasn't only because Nezumi didn't like to be touched. It wasn't only because Shion could irritate him and anger him if he did… It was also because Shion felt like if he did… he would not be able to stop._

_His red eyes—almost maroon in the crepuscular light dyeing their bedroom with an unpretending golden— feasted on Nezumi's features, drinking in the expression on his face. Shion had never seen him like this. So relaxed and seemingly enjoying himself… enjoying something Shion was giving him. Slowly, gingerly he moved his fingers as the tips brushed against Nezumi's scalp. Shion realized that touching Nezumi like this was not something forbidden to him anymore. Now today and every day onward he could reach out and run his hands in Nezumi's hair, trace the prominent outline of his bottom lip with his fingertips, leave a dozen kisses over his Adam's apple as if he was a cloud and his kisses were the rain. Nezumi was now __**his **__to explore. Only __**his **__to wade in and to claim every inch of his skin he mapped out with his lips, pads of his fingers, dips of his tongue._

_Anticipation and the rush of desire burned fiercely in every fiber of Shion's being. Nezumi opened his eyes to meet his gaze. Shion's breath was caught in his throat. His heart painfully throbbed in the confines of his chest, beating hard against his ribs. There was such confidence in the silver glow of Nezumi's eyes Shion felt himself stark naked before his piercing gaze. The smile that arched across his expression like a shooting star was filled with __**promise**__. Shion felt the hair on his arms stand on ends and a violent shudder jolted down his spine. It only took Nezumi's hands to fall on top of his thighs for Shion to let out his first gasp. Nezumi caressed him over the fiber, too close to where his entire body heat seemed to be concentrated at —not even remotely close enough— and then his eyes shot wide open as he watched Nezumi lean down and undo his pants with his teeth. With inhumane effort, Shion managed not to ram his hips forward towards Nezumi's mouth but the __**urge **__alone was enough to tint his face with glaring red. Next thing he knew, he was exposed._

_Nezumi's grey eyes seemed to take him in. As his gaze swept across every inch Shion felt his face burn and his stomach twist with a tangle of emotions; embarrassment, shyness, staggering desire and timid nervousness… When Nezumi met his gaze again, his expression was overwhelming. Shion let out a tremulous sigh as he felt himself be devoured in the misty haze of Nezumi's eyes. He could not wait anymore. The mere sense of the feather light brush of Nezumi's breath against his aching length made his muscles tense, his skin prickle, his body feel weakened._

_Shion saw it all happen. Even though Nezumi was very slow and very tender, the feeling shot through his nerves like electricity. Warm… soft… wet… Nezumi's tongue slipped from the base of his length to the very tip and Shion fell back on the bed, a throaty groan spilling through his lips. His hand in Nezumi's hair instinctively tightened before Shion forced his fingers loose in order not to hurt him. Panting in ragged puffs, Shion tried with all his might to anchor his hips down on the bed and not —ever— thrust upwards._

_Eyes shut tight, Shion fleetingly wondered if all this could be a dream. Twenty-four hours ago he was working on plans to transport the people of the West Block to Southern No.6 because of the relentless rain and the flood it had caused. He was infinitely stuck in a busy routine that no longer thrilled him nor made him feel proud. All he did was to continue living and trying to make himself useful… when he felt down to his very bones… he was nothing but a ghost… nothing at all without Nezumi. His fingers would trace over the hardcover bindings of old classics, wondering whether any scintilla of their true owner's touch had remained behind. Whether the books also felt as thoroughly altered by Nezumi's existence and so radically different from what they once used to be after he left. Tsukiyo would chirp and it would make Shion jump where he sat —every single time— because he couldn't stop that part in him hoping that it wasn't his black companion's chirping but it was Hamlet, or Cravat's; bringing him messages from the man he had missed more than he missed his __**freedom. **__He would sit at the committee meetings, restaurants, waiting halls, eyes fixed on digital TV screens with news broadcasts and Shion would not hear a word of what was being told… his crimson gaze would scan the crowds the camera had recorded. Places he couldn't be. People he couldn't see. Hoping —dreading— that he would catch a glimpse of Nezumi one day._

_How fast his life had turned around. How Nezumi had blown into his world and uprooted everything once again as he had done when they were twelve… How he had remained the same untamed storm shattering him apart and the gentle spring breeze mending him into something greater, better, stronger. Someone living. Someone filled with a kind of love so big, he could not even begin to understand._

_Shion swallowed the lump in his throat. The moment Nezumi's tongue curled around his length he let slip an embarrassing moan. Nezumi's hands were on Shion's thighs, on his burning skin. Shion could hardly think. Every roll, brush and flick of that blazing tongue sent waves of blinding pleasure through his entire body. He was shaking like a leaf on the bed, trying to hold himself back from crying out, from thrusting… from coming too soon__**. **__His free hand joined his other hand in Nezumi's hair. Fingers laced themselves in dark locks and Shion's head rolled back, causing a little arch form at the back of his neck. Nezumi's tongue languidly swept over the tip of his length and Shion couldn't help his voice hitching to a subdued cry and well-memorized vowels and consonants spilled through his trembling lips; forming the one word he had repeated to himself in every night filled with crushing longing:_

**_"_****_Nezumi…"_**

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_It was more than he expected and far more than he bargained for.. the way Shion collapsed backward into the sheets, clutching Nezumi's hair with a vice grip, but only for a split second when all his muscles went taunt in the wake of new-found pleasure: a pleasure Nezumi was giving him. But that was Shion, he was unpredictable—always had been, always would be. He reminded Nezumi, over and over, not to underestimate him, not to belittle him, and every time Nezumi had the nerve to do so, he'd get a wake up call, intentional or otherwise, from Shion, like a swift kick off his high horse that put them on equal footing again. This was just another instance to add to the ever growing list, just another moment when Nezumi hadn't considered what Shion was truly capable of. And there was no doubt about it; this would be his downfall because, now, 'goddammit' was all that his mind could register.. at all those lewd sounds spilling from Shion's lips._  
_ A second hand tangled in his hair with the first as Shion released that throaty moan, and it was then that Nezumi couldn't think at all. No 'dammit' or 'fuck' or anything—just blank, while everything within him _ached _to send Shion over the edge, to see just what kind of man he'd be when that overactive mind of his was swept clean. Nezumi needed to get a taste that Shion, the Shion that no one in the whole world would ever see.. no one but him._

_ "__Nezumi…"_

_ Shion had called his name, but not in the usual way, not in a way he could ignore. He called out in this breathless voice, one laced with desire and heat. It hung on certain vowels and drew itself out in a lengthy manner, but Nezumi knew it was his name—his name coming from that mouth in a way that did nothing but fuel his own arousal._  
_ This new side of Shion, this lusty, needy side of him..made it hard not to just drop a hand down and get himself off, too. After all, the reality here clearly put all his fantasies on the road to shame, never once had he been able to conjure up a Shion like this.. nothing could even compare, so it'd make perfect sense if he took advantage of it.. but for some reason, Nezumi didn't._  
_ Instead, he slid a hand down beneath one of Shion's thighs again, hiking a knee over one of his shoulders. His fingertips massaged down along the fabric, then barely ghosted against it the closer they were to their destination. Meanwhile his other hand slipped just below the area exposed, teasing at the tender skin, as his tongue ran just underneath the peak of the tip, applying pressure as he pulled his lips around it, giving a light suck._  
_ Considering Shion's experience, Nezumi knew better than to try and take him all at once. (Though, it wasn't ever that simple to begin with.) This was a bit more complicated than he'd like to admit, not that he found it unbearably difficult either, but there was a lot more to it than just shoving a cock in his mouth and waiting for the big finish. Shion had earned much better treatment than that—Hell, he deserved special treatment even, and Nezumi saw it fit to give him exactly what he deserved.. especially if it meant he could milk out those sounds a few minutes longer._  
_ The hand that had been feathering along Shion's thigh settled for wrapping around his shaft, gripping at the base, before Nezumi began sliding it up and down in a languid fashion—a bit more teasing wouldn't kill anyone. With each stroke, Nezumi fluctuated pressure, determining what exactly made those toes curl or that back arch. And the moment he found just the right amount of tension, he made it constant, switching to alternating speeds instead. All the while, his mouth worked over the head, tracing over those secret sweet spots and making sure to give it all the attention he could._  
_ The torment was almost over—almost._

_Nezumi released Shion's length from his mouth—a somewhat vulgar sound accompanying the motion—and then ducked his head, giving a bit of extra attention to an often missed area just below. Sucking and tracing with his tongue, he slowly guided himself upward again, back passed the base, up the shaft, using the motion to gauge one more time just what he was dealing with. Finally, instead of teasing the tip once again, Nezumi gripped Shion's thigh and moved his mouth as far as it would go down naturally. _  
_ He probably could have saved himself some work if he had told Shion to take back the reins a bit, especially considering the death grip Shion had on his hair earlier—he certainly could have controlled the speed with that.. but Shion really wasn't the aggressive type. Over the course of all this, that hadn't changed, and honestly, it wasn't a bad thing. _  
_ By his own judgment, Nezumi decided to start with a steady pace, one that he gradually increased, letting his tongue trail along with a bit more pressure at each bob of his head, until he was beginning to add in a few light hums, carefully taking in how the vibrations made Shion react._  
_ He had a rhythm now, and that was proof enough that Shion had lasted far passed his expectations—not that his mind was really taking time into account: had it been five or fifteen minutes? Hell if he knew. But maybe Shion did, for all Nezumi knew, he was counting backward from a hundred or solving equations to keep himself in the game.. but with each tremor, that seemed less and less likely._  
_ It was only a matter of time.  
_

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**_-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-_**

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This is the sixth chapter of my roleplay thread with my partner A-Wanderer-No-More on Tumblr.

**Nezumi =** _A-Wanderer-No-More_. [a-wanderer-no-more. tumblr. com]  
**Shion =** Me at _Shion-of-No.6_ [shion-of-no6. tumblr. com]

This is a really long thread. I expect it to be around 10 chapters long. My partner and I decided on weekly updates here.  
I hope you'll enjoy it.

_**Preview image by Fujiroku **_**[** _fujiroku. tumblr. com_ **]**


	7. Chapter 7

"I love you more than words can wield the matter;  
Dearer than eye-sight, space, and liberty;  
Beyond what can be valued, rich or rare;  
No less than life, with grace, health, beauty, honour;  
As much as child e'er loved, or father found;  
A love that makes breath poor, and speech unable;  
Beyond all manner of so much I love you.."

**_~ William Shakespeare  
King Lear – Act 1, Scene 1  
_**

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_For long years, Shion could not do anything but rein himself in every matter regarding Nezumi. He had tried his hardest to respect his boundaries, to respect his decisions, to try and make sure his own actions and opinions—his desires—didn't make Nezumi feel uncomfortable. He had slipped a few times… he was only human… a mere human very much in love with the one person he had to hold back with. So he had kissed him when he couldn't say goodbye and he had begged him to stay when Nezumi said his. But everything else he felt, every other word coursing through his very being he could not speak but left within him; pleading to be let out, every selfish desire, every last bit of his yearning for the one person in his life that meant everything to him—so much that __**everything**__ meant __**nothing**__ without him—was tucked away, denied and buried deep in the aching drafts of his heart. For over four years, Shion had been aware of what Nezumi was to him; aware of what __**he**__ himself wanted to be to him… For an even longer period of time, he had known Nezumi was the most important person in his life. He was, the moment Shion had laid eyes on him, and he always would be._

_Four years after he was left standing atop a hill, his soul chasing after Nezumi's drifting back, his feet grounded in the earth beneath him and his heart torn somewhere in between, Shion felt hands, lips, tongue… he felt Nezumi himself reach far deep into the depths of his heart in prolonged chrysalis and break every last restraint, releasing him from his long, __**long**__ confinement. It was okay to touch him… it was okay to desire him… it was okay to let his head fall back and his name to leak through his lips into the evanescent intervals between heavy sighs. Letting his voice cradle the name like a precious gem; laced and entangled in a drawn-out moan as it flowed out of his lungs; catching the flickering flames of his eternal love as it left his chest. It was finally okay… to __**love him. **__To love him more than anyone ever loved another being._

_Pulled into the dizzying hotness of Nezumi's mouth, Shion teetered at the very edge of losing control. With his leg draped over Nezumi's shoulder, feeling purposeful hands touch him __**down there **__in ways he had never before imagined and the overpowering need to thrust into that teasing mouth wrapped around his throbbing arousal, Shion could barely breathe. His eyes closed tight shut at every flick of Nezumi's tongue over the most sensitive spots he himself didn't know he had, and shoot wide open; blind to everything around him when Nezumi's mouth closed around the tip and gave him impermanent sucks that tore keening moans through his trembling lips. Somewhere in the staggering haze he had fallen in, the warmth of the hand rooted on his thigh disappeared without warning and wrapped around the base of his length. Shion could not stop the loud groan escaping him at the first tug nor could he prevent his legs tense and his muscles lock taut around Nezumi's head. One of his hands, no longer satisfied with the light handling of Nezumi's hair, buried itself in a fist around his own snowy hair as Nezumi's hand steadied itself in a perfect rhythm; sliding up and down his length in impeccable unison with his mouth working over the head. Shion's back arched, head rolling backwards, crimson eyes unfocused and lost in overwhelming pleasure._

_Splitting him in two, fire was ascending. Between his legs he could feel the powerful expansion of fierce heat; incited and driven by Nezumi's mouth and hand. Shion could no longer stop the "Ahh!"s that fell from his lips every time Nezumi's hand stoked him upwards. His hips were twitching under the weight; wanting nothing more than to meet Nezumi's every move, riding the furious fire that whirled inside him. The muscles in his lower abdomen tensed with each tug, sending shocking waves of heat through his body, prickling on his dewy skin, shooting through his nerves and exploding in his heart with every frantic beat._

_Shion could feel his climax roll in with paralyzing intensity. Before he could voice it—so that Nezumi could pull back— the mouth around his aching arousal had vanished with a wet sound that stole a shiver from him. The moan that followed was filled with protest and __**need**__ but Nezumi obviously had other plans as his tongue languidly slid over his length, momentarily postponing his climax but taking nothing from its crushing intensity. Shion drew in a much needed breath—and his mind went blank the moment he released it… Nezumi's hands had returned to his thighs and with one languid motion he had taken Shion in his mouth, as far and as deep as it would go. Shion's gasp was lost in the following groan; one he let slip through parted lips, one that rang clear in the bedroom. His hand was back in Nezumi's hair, his back arching and tears collected at the corners of his eyes with how much pleasure he was feeling. The pressure of Nezumi's tongue, each bob of his head as Shion's length was devoured by the hot, wet confines of his throat, made Shion cry out in ecstasy. Nezumi's name spilled through a crescendo of moans and his whole body shuddered when Nezumi hummed in between his movements._

_The impending climax pressed in with crushing heat, sweeping all sense of reason and perception clear of his mind, blinding him with fire as hot as white lava. Shion's back left the bed, his whole body tensing as he curled forward, hands tightening into fists around Nezumi's hair he could not loosen. The sight of his length disappearing in Nezumi's mouth knocked the air out of his lungs. He felt himself being torn apart, bursting into cracks at the ends of every nerve and he could not speak, he could not warn Nezumi through the lengthy cry that stole his breath, he could not tell him that he was… that he was about to… _

* * *

**_N_**

* * *

_He was at the edge, the end of his rope, hanging on by a barely-there thread, and he was watching it slip right through his fingers. Shion had finally given in, had allowed the feeling to completely consume him, and now, he was being swallowed up by it. Left in the wake of his own passion, he was nothing more than a trembling mess with hands clutching at whatever they could hold, all in a vain attempt to pull himself together.. before he fell to pieces. But that was the plan; it always had been. Nezumi wanted—_no, needed_—to break him, to let him submerse himself in the depths of ecstasy.. and to clear that restless mind of his. He had to give Shion exactly what he deserved: an escape.. freedom._

_His movements were abrupt and unexpected.. but far from unwelcome. Shion had practically bolted up off of the bed before curling himself forward; he had somehow nearly gotten to the exact position he began in.. except, not quite, if anything, he had drawn himself closer to Nezumi, so close that his breath—hot and fleeting—brushed just passed Nezumi's ear. Nezumi ached to cast a glance upward the moment those hands coiled tighter in his hair, with that same vice grip from before. He needed to see that face, flushed darkly, that hovered just above him. Oh, to see the fruits of his labor!—but not yet. He wasn't finished, and getting sloppy this far in the game just wasn't like him._  
_ Just a bit longer.._  
_ Shion was at his limit, Nezumi knew that. All he needed was one final push, and he'd come undone._  
_ ..And—_push_._

_All at once, heat suddenly flooded his mouth. The reflex for most would have been to jerk away, spit, and then probably send a few pissed remarks to the receiver, but Nezumi remained still. He didn't pull away in disgust, instead, he waited and took his time. With only a bit of trouble, he swallowed down the bulk of it in one gulp before slowly dragging his lips and tongue along Shion's length, withdrawing himself fully this time. The vulgar sound accompanying that action was one even he felt a bit embarrassed about as he swallowed again, harder this time. Running his tongue along his bottom lip to catch any overflow, but not removing a hand from Shion, Nezumi tilted his head upward. He could finally appreciate his—_  
_ ..Just the sight of Shion made a shiver shoot up his spine, his breath catch in his throat, and his knees go weak. He wasn't the type to feel that way, especially not at a time like this, but that expression—fuck, that expression—was enough to drive _anyone_ insane: the way Shion's lips were parted, mouth opened, as if there were some word hanging on the tip of his tongue that he lost mid-thought, and the way his eyes had gone hazy, like they weren't in this moment, like his mind was lagging behind, trying to catch up to what had happened. Shion was disoriented, and clearly.. still feeling the final waves of his orgasm. He was still lost in the aftershock, and just that look alone made Nezumi want nothing more than to keep him there, to prolong his pleasure as much as possible._

_Tipping his head down once more, grey eyes fixed on red. It was an intent stare, one he could only keep by tilting his head at a certain angle, but he wanted Shion to see. Because he knew: if Shion could see him, then he could see Shion. Nezumi could watch every little tremor rake down his spine, any small twitch of his lips or flutter of his lashes, all the minor details that he hadn't gotten a clear view of before._  
_ Deliberately licking his lips before parting them, Nezumi drew the flat of his tongue around the base, curling it as far as he could before changing angles—still keeping his eyes on Shion, all the while. His pace upward was steady; after all, clean up was a very precise job, and he hadn't any intention of leaving behind a single drop. Each movement was slow, nearly dragging, but that was the point, Nezumi wanted to lengthen any shiver or sigh that overtook or escaped Shion. He gauged his speed on every reaction. And by the time he had finished, Nezumi retracted his hands, giving them a once over, before running one beneath Shion's thigh, unhooking it from over his shoulder._  
_ ..So, that was the end of it._  
_ And yet, he made no attempts to lift himself from between Shion's legs. He merely slid his hands up Shion's thighs once more, letting them rest atop the fabric, but that was it, that was as close as he'd get to Shion from here on out. His self-control had been stretched painfully thin. If he got any closer, he'd get lost in Shion, but to move even an inch away.. now, that would just be torturous. He could simply settle for the half way point, settle for simply watching Shion like this. _  
_ Nezumi closed his eyes for a brief moment, letting out a somewhat shaken, breathless sigh._

_This was plenty enough._

* * *

_**S**_

* * *

_Shion came inside Nezumi's mouth._

_The blinding heat that hung above him crushed him with staggering force. Shion's cry of ecstasy didn't seem to suffice as he felt his entire being splitting open, his sight went glaring white, every single muscle in his body convulsing with the waves that ripped from the very core of his body. He could not breathe, could not think, he couldn't even blink as the single most powerful orgasm he ever had in his life almost knocked him out. The mere sight of Nezumi's mouth remaining still around his arousal, his eyes closed and his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed, added an extra wave of excruciating pleasure that sent his heart in disarray in abrupt beats and his hands to tighten around evening black tresses. His hips twitched, involuntarily riding his orgasm in fractional, barely noticeable jerks into the suffocating heat of Nezumi's mouth._

_Nezumi's lips and tongue moved along his overly sensitive length and the sensation stole violent shivers from his spine and tremulous gasps that rushed into his lungs without ever coming close to satisfying his need for air. Shion found himself shaking in Nezumi's hold, feeling goosebumps breaking over his skin. The brush of air feathering against the wetness of his length where Nezumi's tongue had just swept over reduced him to a whimpering mess of overheated limbs. His head spun, his sight blurred and urging sounds of overwhelming pleasure he had never heard himself make fell in to the narrow space between his trembling lips and Nezumi's ear._

_When Nezumi's mouth released his length with a sound that misfired jolts of fire through his nerves despite the staggering sense of transcendent oblivion he swam in, Shion was sure he would fall on top of Nezumi. Swaying on spot and somehow managing not to fall, Shion was barely able to notice Nezumi's grey eyes that were staring hungrily at him. The haze in Shion's mind was too thick for him to focus on anything as he was hardly able to keep himself up. But when those ethereal grey eyes remained fixed on him, drinking in his expression Shion felt himself thoroughly and completely exposed. Every feeling in his frantic heart, every desire in his aching body, every thought and every unspoken word was bared naked. He was transparent and more vulnerable than he had ever been before Nezumi's piercing gaze. Instead of making him want to recoil and fold into himself in self-preservation, Shion wanted to expand further for him. To reveal more… to share everything… to let Nezumi in deeper than anyone had ever waded into another person's being._

_Nezumi tilted his head without ever breaking the gaze and licked his lips. Shion's core responded with a burning pulse cutting through the somnolent heaviness draped over him. Before his very eyes, Nezumi's tongue darted out and curled around his length, sweeping clean every last drop of the thick liquid coating his flesh. His silver eyes with dark lashes, accented by the golden tint of the bedside lamps, never released his own crimson eyes. Shion felt himself shatter in Nezumi's captivity; dissolving into incandescent molecules and atoms that comprised him. Shivers took a hold of his spent body as they shot heady currents of heat-rush to his dizzied mind and tugged at the few tiny droplets of sweat cooling his skin. The sound that left his lips and flowed into the tiny space between their faces was feeble and long. Something in between a drawn-out sigh and a low moan. His arousal was still too sensitive to touch but Nezumi took no prisoners as he let his tongue slide over every inch. Pleasure —a kind that he had never felt before; sore and aching — brought tears in his eyes as Shion continued to stare into Nezumi's grey gaze._

_—_**_I love you… I love you… Nezumi… Nezumi… I love you so much…_**

_Shion closed his eyes as a single tear slid down his cheek over the red scar. He felt Nezumi pull back, his hands finally letting go of his length but not his body as they rested on his thighs. Opening his eyes, Shion stared into Nezumi's eyes one more time. His hands were still in his hair and they were still as close as their positions allowed them to be… Shion sitting at the edge of the bed with Nezumi knelt between his legs. For a long moment Shion tried to understand the vastness of the truth about himself and Nezumi. About what they truly meant to each other and about how far they were willing to go for one another. The blazing glow of silver in Nezumi's eyes was as beautiful as it had ever been. Burning bright with vitality and sharp perception. His hair was disheveled due to Shion's grip, his lips reddened and full, his expression inexplicably calm despite the raging fire in his eyes… Shion's hands dropped from his hair and passed his shoulders as they locked around the collar of his shirt. Without an ounce of reservation, Shion sealed Nezumi's lips shut with his own as he pulled Nezumi towards him with such force that he fell back on the bed with Nezumi on top of him. His tongue brushed over bruised lips and into Nezumi's mouth, a foreign taste tingling on the tip of his tongue —his own essence —and something hot and hard pressed against his groin._

_They were not done yet…_

* * *

**_N_**

* * *

_How could he begin to explain?_  
_ The words.. all of them, simply escaped him. They fluttered away long before he could draw them into coherent thoughts, and he had to wonder just where that quick wit of his had gone. Had it somehow dulled between the breathless kisses and wandering hands?_  
_ Like a creature robbed of its natural defenses, he mourned the loss of his sharp tongue. His favorite weapon had been stolen from right beneath his nose, and now, he sat unsure, far more unsure than he recalled being in these past months, of how he felt, but more so, what bothered him most was the fact that he hadn't an idea where to start in unraveling these complicated feelings. They were a tangled mess, bunched in his throat, making his already short breaths.. _heavier_._

_Nezumi relished in the way afterglow took hold of Shion. It was the one thing he could admit, the only thing he was completely certain of. He knew that, within this moment, it was enough to just sit before him, to bear witness as Shion hung at the paramount of ecstasy with a haze lingering in his eyes, an added heat and pitch to his voice, and a dizzy air swept about him. It dared to carry him away, and Nezumi felt overwhelmed by how heavily his actions affected Shion. He had been a part of this rush of pleasure, and that was all he needed, all he wanted._  
_ It was enough—Oh god, was it ever enough!—just to see this side of Shion and know that it was reserved for his eyes only, that it was a side only he could invoke within Shion. _  
_ ..But, maybe—no, there was no"maybe"—that was, without a doubt, a fucking lie._  
_ It wasn't enough. It wasn't even close._  
_ Nezumi was a living, breathing, hot-blooded man with just as many needs and desires as Shion. He wasn't some God with nerves of steel nor one with unyielding self-control. He was at the edge, holding back from his impulses, going against himself thanks to a his slowly-dwindling willpower. _  
_ This was only enough because he refused to accept any more. He felt unworthy of any more, and that was why it had barely gotten this far, why he had told himself before that he'd simply kiss those lips, kiss Shion over and over until he felt satisfied, but Shion's desires drug him in deeper than intended. Nezumi had let himself get caught up in the passion burning within Shion, the longing building within himself.. _  
_ But this was it: this was as far as they'd go. _  
_ He was sure of it._  
_ ..Pretty sure, at least._

_After all, this was his fault, not Shion's. Nezumi was the idiot who hadn't given Shion any credit. He hadn't thought twice about just how hot Shion's voice could get when it spiked in pitch during abrupt gasps or how it could roll along at a perfect register during languid moans. God, how could he be so fucking stupid not to consider just how intoxicating it would be to have those hands knitted in his hair, tugging and jerking at him in a way that sent shivers down his spine.. And that wasn't even close to the way it felt to have those hips rocking against his mouth, riding out an orgasm. He was a fool, a damned fool, not to think of how lost he'd feel beneath that usually overly observant gaze.. as it went out of focus, drifting far away to a place beyond what he could see._  
_ He wanted to be where Shion was.._  
_ People lied all the time, proclaiming that one person's pleasure was their own, but in Nezumi's case, in his case regarding Shion, there was truth to it. Being here, like this, was, honestly, the first time he felt enraptured, the first time he felt taken.. and the first time, dare he say it, he felt _drawn_ to someone._

_Neither of them said it, but his feelings echoed Shion's thoughts._

_Shion's hands raked through his hair at a steady pace, one that drew a shiver out of him as his eyes slowly opened once more. The sight of Shion leaning forward with that dizzy haze still in his eyes, with that air of paradise lingering on him, with an offer to join him there, left Nezumi starstruck. _  
_ His resolve slipped away, had shattered into pieces, and he was too taken by the moment to care about gathering them up._  
_ Shion had bypassed all the games, all the childish tendencies, and raced into a pressing sort of kiss—hard and sloppy, as if he still hadn't fallen from his high. Nezumi couldn't complain, especially not when his body reacted to Shion's hands jerking at his collar, tugging him upward again, and drawing him back atop Shion on the bed. A low sound crept from the back of his throat, one he had been trying to swallow down, and he felt feverish—it was a foreign feeling._  
_ He barely jerked away—lips searing and wet from kisses, mouth open with shot pants leaking out. Grey eyes remained wide and bright. He knew what was happening. Nezumi knew that he should pull back and get away from Shion. But those eyes left him feeling entranced. Even as he glanced away, licking his bottom lip, trying to find an escape route, he found himself drawn back._  
_ Nezumi wanted it. He wanted it in a desperate way he hadn't ever experienced before. It was useless to pretend otherwise. He had never felt so exposed in his life, so how could he run away now? The short answer: he couldn't._

_His hands, which had been flat against the bed on either side of Shion's head, slowly slipped behind it, clutching at that messed hair. His fingers twisted and coiled in it, as he sank lower, pressing himself against Shion, chest-to-chest. _  
_ The kisses were hungrier than before, maybe even a bit needy—no, they were definitely needy. But he wasn't the only one submitting to instinct. Shion's kisses were wet, messy, and sloppy. He was staggering through the motions in a way that felt candid and real, a way that attracted Nezumi even more, that made his own need intensify. _  
_ This couldn't go farther though.. _  
_ But it seemed every part of him, everything aside from his own mind,_ needed_ it to.  
_

* * *

_********__-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-_

* * *

This is the seventh chapter of my roleplay thread with my partner A-Wanderer-No-More on Tumblr.

**Nezumi =** _A-Wanderer-No-More_. [a-wanderer-no-more. tumblr. com]  
**Shion =** Me at _Shion-of-No.6_ [shion-of-no6. tumblr. com]

This is a really long thread. I expect it to be around 10 chapters long. My partner and I decided on weekly updates here.  
I hope you'll enjoy it.

_**Preview image by Fujiroku **_**[** _fujiroku. tumblr. com_ **]**


	8. Chapter 8

_"Reason lost the battle, and all I could do was surrender and accept I was in love."_**_  
_****_Paulo Coelho, __The Witch Of Portobello_**

.

* * *

**_S_**

* * *

_Nezumi's warmth crushed over him like a thick blanket. His body shaped itself around Shion's limbs, every curve and every line, every nook and every protrusion aligned itself in impeccable unison. Each bone in Shion's still tingling body ached with the lethargic waves of his afterglow as the world he could only ephemerally see through heavy-lidded eyes spun lazily around him. Shion could not think anything as his lips left careless, wet kisses over Nezumi's. His tongue slipped inside Nezumi's warm mouth, curling against his before he drew his head back and allowed his lips to follow. Leaving soppy trails on Nezumi's mouth, on his lips, he didn't even wait to breathe between kisses nor was he even remotely hesitant in his movements as his instincts took control over him and Shion's body somehow knew what to do._

_The moan that fell into their kiss made Shion's blood boil. In the eight years he had known him, he had never heard Nezumi make any sound like that. For eight years—although he had barely spent a total of six months with him—Shion had heard his voice reduce to razor sharp hisses cutting the air with inexorable harshness against his tone. It had pitched high and echoed against the musty walls of the room hidden underground when laughter had shaken his entire form. It had trembled, fallen broken and inexplicable between sobs that seemed to hurt him more than the bullet wounds he carried when they were in the Correctional Facility. It had flowed out and embraced words in the lilts of Eve's numinous grace, draping Shion's senses with a silken cloth as warm as summer rain, as inviting as a siren's call. And yet he had never made a sound like this. His eyebrows knitting together, his eyes narrowing and hands tightening on the sheets on either side of his face, Nezumi moaned against Shion's mouth and Shion thought if he hadn't already climaxed a few minutes ago, he would be undone at that. There was something unbearably restricted about the sound; low, only momentarily rising to a higher pitch before falling back into a low reverberating tune. It was raw, feral… needy. It was __**pure desire.**_

_Shion's mouth swallowed the sound with esurience as his lips moved hastily over Nezumi's, desperately in search of more of __**everything **__about Nezumi that was still foreign to him. Nezumi was panting and he was warm—oh God, so warm— against him that Shion was fleetingly reminded of the first time he had held him in his arms when they were just twelve and Nezumi had a fever. He was now kissing him with such abandon Shion felt his whole body shudder at the recklessness in it. Through half-closed eyes, Shion gazed into brilliant grey as the shock in those eyes was quickly devoured by something almost primal. Nezumi's desire was pouring into every flick of tongue, every pressure of lips, every inch he came down onto him until they were chest-to-chest. He was hard. Very hard, Shion noticed as his heart skipped several, much needed beats and a gasp ripped from his throat. All of Nezumi's earlier attempts at moving away were replaced with a fiery need to be closer to him and Shion __**indulged**__ in it. Nezumi's hands slipped under him and fingers twisted in his hair as Nezumi kissed him senselessly. Shion didn't hold back as he responded. He didn't sway. He didn't hesitate. Nezumi was forced to break their lips apart by tugging at his hair when his need for air temporarily beat his craving for Shion's lips. Shion only moaned into the bedroom's observing silence as Nezumi hands tightened in his hair to pull their lips apart._

_His hands roamed at Nezumi's back, closing over the shirt in tight fists when the world seemed to dissolve behind his eyelids at the peak of the kiss. His hips arched against Nezumi's in search of friction and he was awarded with a lengthy moan that made the hair on his arms stand and his heart swell in his chest. He was pinned so hard on the mattress he could hardly move but he still tried his best to deliver a steady grind against Nezumi's unbelievably hard arousal._

_Staring into his eyes as they kissed had proven to be more overwhelming than Shion had initially imagined. He could watch every flicker of emotion in the silver glow, every ounce of hesitation, every bit of reservation. A storm was unleashed behind those eyes and Shion could feel it pick him up and fly him off somewhere he had never been before. He wanted nothing more than to ease his worries, set him free, to give Nezumi what he had given him moments ago. The desire was so strong it __**ached **__inside him._

_Shion's hands wandered lower down Nezumi's back; elbows retreating, his palms rested on Nezumi's waist as his fingers curled around the belt loops of his pants. A short break in the kiss had them both panting against each other's lips, gazes welded; red into grey. Shion watched Nezumi close his eyes as he leaned in to kiss him again. Nezumi had lifted his hips off of Shion's when the grinding had become too much. He was on his knees on the bed with a leg on either side of Shion and hands still in his hair. Meeting his lips, Shion kissed him back languidly._

_His heart started to race when he thought of what he was about to do. His gaze remained on Nezumi's expression; invested, lost, __**needful **__and Shion moved his shaking hands to the front of Nezumi's pants. Clumsy fingers tugged at the belt in its buckle in a haste that resembled panic. Nezumi's eyes shot wide open and another set of fingers closed tightly around his hands in a vice grip._

_Shion knew what those lips were about to say even before they broke the kiss and pulled back a few inches._

_This was a battle he would fight with all he got._

* * *

**_N_**

* * *

_Just as he thought.._  
_ The moment he had given Shion that sweet release, Nezumi had unleashed this thoughtless, sensational side of him, one that ground his bare hips upward and gave feverish kisses packed with so much passion it could make a person's head spin—specifically, Nezumi's. Clearly, an escape from inhibition was a powerful thing for someone like Shion, someone who had been controlled for a vast majority of his life, confound into an unfit mold—someone who ached for a chance to break free and live on the edge. Nezumi, just as he had so many years ago, was here to give Shion that chance. After four years of distance, four years of falling into the same boring routine, a systematic conformity—dare he even say: the daily grind, Nezumi had returned to Shion and set his world, yet again, into a splendid chaos. _  
_ But this time, it was a different kind of disarray: one with no guns or explosions, no blood or violence, no war to rage nor battle to win. And there wasn't a time limit. There was only Nezumi: the turmoil, the storm, the abrupt twist in Shion's story. And somewhere amongst a dizzy haze of lust, Nezumi prided himself in that. He prided himself in the ability to set free such a wild and reckless creature. After all, there had always been something strangely alluring about that impulsive side of Shion, the one that would toss his arms out, raise his voice, and shut off rationality; a Shion fueled by pure emotion—Nezumi couldn't deny its appeal._

_Shion's hips rocked relentlessly against his own, friction driving him near insane. And for a second, his breath hitched, caught in his throat, and it was like being drug beneath the rapids; suddenly every last bit of air was swept clean out of his lungs, and the moment he broke the surface, the moment he finally could suck in a breath of air—it came out as a choked, near shameful, gasp.. accompanied by a subtle shiver that rolled along the length of his spine._  
_ ..Shion was going to drive him crazy._  
_ Nezumi knitted his fingers tightly in Shion's hair, laced them to the crown., and—'soft', he realized, Shion's hair was as soft as he always imagined it. After all this time, it was still so damn delicate, so fragile twisted around his fingertips. _  
_ It was a divine feeling really. All of this, every single bit of it, was like touching upon a distant dream. His own feelings, his own desires, and needs left him feeling embarrassed, exposed even. But it was a fleeting concern, one that was fading into the black with each passing second. His mind was taking a backseat, and he was finally relinquishing a smudge of that well-grasped control over to Shion again. He'd let himself be subjected to those wet, smothering kisses, those final pleasures, every little whim until Shion gave out and collapsed backward onto the bed. Until Shion fell asleep, Nezumi would indulge him._  
_ But that was it._  
_ This wouldn't go any farther._  
_ This_ couldn't_ go any farther._

_Jerking at a few of those fickle strains knotted about his fingers, Nezumi drew in another breath only to catch Shion's low moan, the one that leaked out into the brief quiet. Just the sound of it made his hips thrust forward—pure reflex. Through lidded eyes, he kept his gaze fixed on Shion, advancing to engage in another kiss—tongues, open-mouths, and a mess, a complete and utter mess. He broke away, sucking on Shion's bottom lip, before releasing it with a light pop to just breathe—because god dammit it was getting harder! So hard his breaths were coming out at a higher pitch, one that left him wanting to sink his teeth down and bite them back._  
_ His head drooped, body moving in time to meet Shion's—teeth gnawing mercilessly at his bottom lip just to keep himself quiet, to keep himself from being some mewling, blushing, disgusting mess. _  
_ How had he gotten himself in this position? Honestly, how the Hell had he let himself get this fucking hard? It was just pathetic. _He_ was just pathetic. Well, that wasn't true, Nezumi knew better.. He knew there really wasn't a reason to be ashamed because he knew exactly why he had gotten roped into this mess, exactly what—his eyes caught sight of Shion's throat, that tightly wound scar shifting ever so slightly with each gulp of air—had gotten him so damn turned on._

_Even now, as those hands roamed across his shoulder blades, grazing against the sensitive scar tissue, on their trek down his back, Nezumi could feel a sense of some impending break: some looming change in the heavy air between them. Fingers hooked in his belt loops, and he caught Shion's breath in his mouth, tasted him on his tongue._  
_ 'You're planning something.' _  
_ His eyes searched for some hidden plot, some truth hidden away, but it was beyond him. Either Shion had gotten a bit more devious, or Nezumi had lost his touch. That or, maybe, he was just a little delirious; after all, his body was at its peak of endurance._  
_ Maybe, that's why he let it go._  
_ Maybe, that's why he played along._

_Just like that, they were kissing again. _  
_ Shion was clever, sure, but Nezumi trusted him not to do anything stu—spoke too soon._

_Grey eyes fluttered open abruptly; lips tore away, and hands wrapped around Shion's wrists with a death grip._  
_**"Shion," **__He swallowed hard, trying to steady his breath, trying to come to terms with what the Hell Shion thought he was doing. This wasn't the time for him to screw around, and clearly, it wasn't the time for Nezumi to let Shion have his way. Nezumi needed to be firm in his resolve._  
_**"Shion.." **__The pitch was even this time. He licked his lips, breathing out lowly, before shaking his head. __**"Leave it alone. I'm fine." **_  
_..Sounded better in his head, but for now, that was good enough because it was ending here. _  
_ His grip loosened, and he considered if now was the time to just get up and leave, to go take a cold shower, and calm himself down. 'Probably', Nezumi admitted, but for some reason, he hesitated. Maybe, it was the look in Shion's eyes; maybe, it was the way Shion's wrists felt—the way his pulse was racing. _  
_ ..Or just maybe, he wanted Shion to fight him._

* * *

**_S_**

* * *

_Staring into the iridescent grey of Nezumi's eyes as his swollen lips ached and his body still tingled with his ebbing orgasm, Shion thought only Nezumi could make him feel so incapable of expressing himself. It wasn't because Shion was unable to speak his mind. It wasn't because he didn't know what he was feeling nor was it because he didn't know the reasons for his actions or what he had been thinking while doing them. It was because with Nezumi, Shion always felt __**so much **__all at once; he simply didn't know how to explain all of it. He wasn't able to wrap his mind around the vastness of emotions that had been brewing in his heart for years or the strong, ever-present desire to get closer to Nezumi—not just physically but emotionally too, and mentally; to understand him, to make Nezumi understand what __**he**__ was feeling. He gazed into the flames of silver set deep on Nezumi's chiseled face; his expression was calm, unyielding, uncompromising and at that moment Shion only knew one thing._

_He wasn't going to let Nezumi get off of him and leave this bed without feeling what Shion had just felt through his hands._

_Nezumi's grip was tight on his wrists, capturing them in a vice hold over the front of his pants Shion had barely touched. His voice was hoarse but firm. Eyes intransigent and careful as words fell into the space between them._

**_"_****_Shion… Leave it alone. I'm fine."_**

_If Shion couldn't see the calm renunciation on Nezumi's face—a mask, he knew… Nezumi could fool anyone with any expression, with any tone of voice, any motion. Words, voices, mimics.. all the natural tools of human expression were Nezumi's weapons and he wielded them like no one else could— Shion would not be able to prevent himself from smiling. The way Nezumi was kissing him, his hips rolling in intermittent jerks against him, his breath hitching and breaking into needful staccatos of pants as he gasped and breathed out into the non-existent space between their merged lips; all of it told Shion that Nezumi was far from 'fine'. He was excruciatingly aroused and Shion wanted him to feel the release that had almost torn him apart with pleasure minutes ago. That's why he couldn't smile. Because the look on Nezumi's face was not only a subtle way of brushing Shion off. It was also a rejection. A well hidden one, but a rejection still. And the fact that Nezumi had to wear this mask with him, that he had to hold back, he had to stop himself from going that far with Shion spoke volumes his lips would never say._

_—__Why do you hold back, Nezumi? You feel it too, just as much as I do. You want it. You want it so much you are shaking. Are you aware how much you are shaking, Nezumi?_

_Although the hands around his wrists had loosened, the resolute grey was steady gazing into curious red. Shion's heart was racing in his chest. His body felt heavy after his staggering climax, muscles weakened in lassitude, nerves prickling with fresh memories and yet, the very core of Shion's being was awake with blazing fire. A need, a desire as overwhelming as his own now satiated hunger was running rampant in his body. It stole his breath, made his heart trip at every other beat and his hands in Nezumi's hold shook. It was the desire to satisfy Nezumi. To set him free, to let him feel what he wanted to feel, to completely destroy any painstakingly constructed wall that stood between them. Burn it down so they could dissolve in the fire and be forged anew… together; __**as one**__._

_—__I won't go anywhere without you. Not again. Never again. I've made a promise, Nezumi. Just like you made a promise to return on the hill that day, I also swore to myself that the next time I have you in my arms, I'd not let you go._

_Shion felt his heart ache in his chest as he raised himself slightly forward towards Nezumi. He didn't move his hands because he wanted the choice to be Nezumi's to make but he never broke the gaze as he reached forward and his lips lightly brushed against Nezumi's._

_"__Tell me, Nezumi…," Shion susurrated, eyes momentarily closing as he left a fleeting kiss on Nezumi's bottom lip. He could still taste the redolent hint of his own essence on those lips. Meeting his gaze once more, he dazedly stared into his jarringly beautiful eyes through white lashes. When he whispered again, his words came out in puffs against Nezumi's reddened lips._

_"__Are we… not… equals?"_

_This was a question he knew that would not be answered. Shion didn't wait for one anyway. He closed the fractional distance between their lips and kissed Nezumi; softly, gently, with velvety fire that warmed but did not burn. His crimson eyes were filled with devotion, hands unmoving in Nezumi's hold…_

_All of it in the hopes of conveying one silent plea…_

_—__**Trust me.**_

* * *

_**N**_

* * *

_It wasn't as if he wanted to hurt Shion; after all this time, that was the last thing he planned to do. _  
_ Since the time they met all those years ago, Nezumi had done nothing short of that—he had uprooted Shion's livelihood completely, like casting an angel from Heaven down to earth, only to reappear and drag him to the depths of Hell, in the form of a shabby underground hideaway tucked in a corner of West Block._  
_ He wasn't kind, and Nezumi had never pretended to be. He hadn't pride in empty words that soothed wounded hearts. He was blunt, honest to the point of cruel at times, and his words were always sharp, biting; they'd sink in deep and leave a lingering mark, one that sometimes, never faded with time. His actions were no different._  
_ The moment he had caught Shion's gaze hours ago, in the darkness before dawn, he had seen the jagged edges, the little tears of his final words to Shion four years ago. The day he had turned his back to Shion, had walked away leaving him to clean up the disarray that was No.6, he had cut Shion deeply, so deeply that he might never mend the damage, but upon return, Nezumi had sworn to himself that he wouldn't hurt Shion again, that he'd stop sparing his own feelings, his own pride, and his own being at the price of Shion's._  
_ And yet, here they were.._  
_ Seems old habits die hard._

_ '__Shion..'_  
_ That gaze held him, made the tension thicken. He was caged within those eyes, held captive in a way he had always expected, the way he had accepted upon return. This had been what coming back meant: willingly presenting his wrists out for Shion to shackle, for Shion to bind, but then.. why was it that his hands were the ones gripping Shion's wrists ever so tightly?_  
_ '..You're..'_  
_ He wanted to say it aloud, say it clearly: "You're expecting too much of me." But the truth was that Shion hadn't overstepped any boundaries. He hadn't torn away any walls or scuffed out any lines. Shion merely was crossing the distance, the cleared landscape between the pair of them. If they were truly on equal footing, the way Nezumi had believed they would be when he arrived, then this was the point, at which, he should have let Shion in, let Shion have all the same rights he had. _  
_ But it was hard—it was just so fucking hard not to swat that hand away when it reached out toward him. It had been practically drilled into his head not to let others in, to not let them get close, not to ever open his heart. And yet, here he was, feeling Shion's advance, approaching him as if he were some timid animal.. with gentle, hesitant movements._  
_ Shion was trying. And what was he doing? _  
_ Nezumi swallowed, thought hard about his next move, and for a second, even faltered, reconsidered running away, but ultimately, he slowly lowered their joined hands until they rested on his thighs._

_As those lips, still wet and soft from the previous flurry of kisses, grazed his own, Nezumi felt the tension in his shoulders relax, his grip loosened a touch more, but that breath, the one that leaked out as little more than a whisper made his heart leap into his throat. It remained there, thankfully, blocking all those pesky noises from bubbling up. But the feelings remained._

_ "__Are we… not… equals?"_

_There was a sting to those words, words that weren't his own, and he momentarily thought to bite back, "Don't ask stupid questions." But the impulse passed as quickly as it had come, because Shion had the right to ask. He had the right to force Nezumi to see their situation, to recognize that it was he who had put them in this position: this standby where one waited the other's next move. What should have been a rhetorical question was now a literally inquiry, and it was Nezumi's fault._

_ '__I'm..'_  
_ Nezumi hung in the haze of uncertainty, searching for some sort answer, and then it came—quietly, oh so quietly that he barely understood it as it aligned with a truth from so many years ago._  
_ 'I'm.. afraid.'_  
_ Admitting it to himself, he let Shion's words melt into a deliberate kiss, and it was only then that he realized just how persistent that trembling was. His face burned with shame, and slowly, he uncurled his fingers from around Shion's wrists, letting his fingertips glide up along his forearms to his shoulders, and then lightly loop around them._  
_ The kiss broke briefly, and Nezumi drew in a breath from Shion's escaping one. His eyes locked with Shion's, and his reply was silent._

_A hushed, 'I do.'_

_In a way, this was a first for Nezumi: the first time he had put himself in the hands of another, of a person with the ability to damage him beyond repair. It was a terrifying reality, but at the same time, the fear seemed laughable compared to the amount of faith he had in Shion._  
_ He dared not say it aloud, but he thought it with grey eyes that whispered it, 'I trust you—completely.'_

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_********__-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-_

* * *

This is the eighth chapter of my roleplay thread with my partner A-Wanderer-No-More on Tumblr.

**Nezumi =** _A-Wanderer-No-More_. [a-wanderer-no-more. tumblr. com]  
**Shion =** Me at _Shion-of-No.6_ [shion-of-no6. tumblr. com]

This is a really long thread. I expect it to be around 10 chapters long. My partner and I decided on weekly updates here.  
I hope you'll enjoy it.

_**Preview image by Fujiroku **_**[** _fujiroku. tumblr. com_ **]**


	9. Chapter 9

_"When you were a wandering desire in the mist, I too was there, a wandering desire. Then we sought one another, and out of our eagerness dreams were born. And dreams were time limitless, and dreams were space without measure." _  
― _**Kahlil Gibran**_

.

* * *

_**S**_

* * *

_There was little hope in the warmth of Nezumi's lips. A sliver of hope against the vice hold of the set of fingers around his wrists. Nezumi was kissing him back, eyes burning into his own and mouth moving with calculated rhythm. The expression that shaped Nezumi's features was one Shion had never seen before. He was at loss for words as his mind tried to name it. Worry? Embarrassment? Frustration?_

_… __Fear?_

_Nezumi's fingers had gone lax around his wrists but Shion still kept them motionless despite the unbearable need to cup Nezumi's face, run his fingers in the raven locks of silken hair and let his palm brush gently against smooth skin. He desperately needed to assure him, to alleviate his worries, calm his mind, show him; somehow make him understand that Shion would rather die than to harm him. He would stand before Death with a smile on his face if he knew he could add another day to Nezumi's life. He would give up on everything he had ever had, would ever have for him. He already had done so twice. Once when he was twelve and he had held his feverish body in his arms; had felt his heart beating against his own and listened to his breathing even out as he fell asleep; he knew at that moment he would fight the whole world to protect him. And once when he was sixteen, four years ago, when he had taken another human's life to save him. His heart, his soul, his humanity, he would give up on all of it to keep Nezumi safe. Wasn't that why he had accepted Nezumi's parting words and stayed behind as the man his whole being yearned for had walked away from him? He had denied his own heart of what it wanted the most, his feet had remained planted, hands curled into fists, a huge lump forming in his throat and he had stayed behind._

_—__Anything…Nezumi, I'll do anything for you._

_Shion felt Nezumi's hands slacken. Fingers released his wrists, tips brushing up against his arms as they traveled north, slid over his shoulders and closed around him. Shion trembled against Nezumi as his fiery grey eyes took his breath away. There was a force, something ineffable, something jarringly powerful in that gaze that captured Shion's. In the short pause between kisses, in the pulsating seconds between each tremulous breath, Nezumi's gaze crushed him wave after waves. A tingling warmth spread throughout his body, as Shion was swept away by the same, familiar feeling of knowing that Nezumi could see the deepest parts of his being. _

_As he was staring dazedly into his one silver universe, Shion's lips curved ever so slightly. Eyes of red wine melted in the warmth of his love and devotion._

_Nezumi was flushed. The betraying red did not tint his cheek as generously as it did Shion's but Shion could still see how his ears and his neck were a shade darker. Pure elation, a joyous sensation bubbled up in his chest as his eyes remained fixed on Nezumi's. Raising a single hand from in between their bodies and curling his fingers around Nezumi's nape, Shion pulled him down for another kiss that tasted like laughter and felt as intoxicating as summer wine._

_While his other hand pressed flat against Nezumi's thigh and slowly ran upwards, the kiss had deepened. Shion was panting again and it wasn't only because Nezumi was kissing him with senseless ardor but because what he was about to do made his breath hitch with a broken gasp and his heart was racing and his knees felt so weak he could barely feel them. Tilting his head to the side, Shion captured Nezumi's bottom lip in between hungry teeth and let them graze the reddened flesh until his tongue slipped inside Nezumi's mouth. His hand dropped from the back of his neck; joining the other at the front of his pants. Trembling fingers worked on the buckle as Shion's heart expanded painfully in his chest. Hearing the small metallic sound against the leather of Nezumi's belt—the sound of his success— Shion felt anticipation, desire and lust pool into his stomach, gathering and twisting there like a wild beast waiting to be released. His fingers latched clumsily at the button, trying to pop it open but he was distracted by Nezumi's lips, the faint warmth oozing from right under his fingers. Shion briefly broke the kiss to look down at his own graceless hands —while being fully aware of a pair of grey, grey eyes fixed on him— and all he could think when he finally managed to unbutton and unzip Nezumi's pants was a victorious _**yes**. _Meeting Nezumi's gaze once more, Shion stared into his eyes while he moved his left hand, palm down, forward and lower; his fingers brushed against smooth skin, knuckles grazed across the tight muscles of his lower abdomen and fingertips slowly slipped under the band of Nezumi's boxers. Savoring every twitch and motion on Nezumi's face, Shion tugged at the front of his boxers while moving his right hand in. He took his time. He didn't want to make a mistake; he didn't want to act too fast with how much he wanted to please Nezumi. He tried his hardest to take it slow when he reached forward to plant a kiss on Nezumi's lips and he felt unbelievable warmth right beneath his fingertips._

_Without breaking the kiss, without ever taking his eyes off of Nezumi's burning gaze, Shion took him in his hand. Fingers curled firmly around the shaft as he felt his heart nearly stop at how hard he really was. His lips parted, an audible sigh heaved from his chest and a word rustled in between their lips before it was swallowed by Nezumi's feverish kiss._

_"__Ahhh, Nezumi…" _

* * *

**_N_**

* * *

_The smile Shion wore slowly melded into each kiss. Everyone was sprinkled with a dash of humor and adoration, this feathery, yet not, sort of.. floating sensation to them. It was an airy freedom, yet still grounded stability. Certainty yet uncertainty. But that was Shion, he always had this way about him that appealed to both Nezumi's need for understanding as well as his ache for free will._

_Like a cage with an opened door, Nezumi rested within having the option to come and go as he pleased. But it was that very option which left him to linger, to stay tucked away behind bars, and to sing sweetly for his ever so charming keeper. He was a creature who could soar the skies endlessly, roam across the expansive seas, and peer down upon thousands upon millions of beings. Yet he had wandered far and wide, finding no better place than that sturdy cage of which he had flown so far from years ago, only to realize that one grows weary of clouds and waves.. that instead, only one person could truly appreciate that song he so merrily sang: the one who brings forth that yearning to sing._

_A hand reached forward and coiled in his loose hair; it slipped just over the base of his neck, scraping against that secret sweet spot which had once sent his blood running cold; this time, however, instead of flinching away, Nezumi indulged the motion, rewarded it even. He submitted to Shion's pull, lowering himself to the preferred level, the one which suspended him just above Shion's, still trembling, form. And it was that change in position which caused his hair to flow off one shoulder, letting fickle strains graze against Shion's wrist and forearm, while now completely unveiling his eyes from beneath the dark fringe. He kept his focus predominantly on Shion, even in those fleeting moments of which he'd let his eyes shut, let himself be drawn into a whirlwind of overwhelming sensations, he remained acutely aware of Shion's every movement. It was as if suddenly his entire being had been hot-wired to react to Shion. Every hitched breath, every minor twitch, regardless of what it was, Nezumi felt it.. and responded._

_It was when that touch intensified, when those feathery, airy sort of caresses faded into much more intimate, much more pressing and sensational motions that Nezumi couldn't help himself but to peek, to let himself commit the languid climb of Shion's hand to memory. His senses were running rampant at the feel of that steady rise up the length of his thigh—palm flat, stroking up over the fabric: slow, slow, slow.. _  
_ But he was immediately jarred away from his focus, like an abrupt shift from one gear to the next, Nezumi was swept away by the feel of Shion dragging himself closer, forcing their mouths to mesh together._  
_ —He was going to go crazy._  
_ Those wispy pants leaking from Shion were caught up in his mouth, lying on the tip of his tongue, and in the brief breaks, Shion revealed these frantic emotions, ones that were reflected so brilliantly in his eyes, in his body language, that Nezumi felt overwhelmed. It all felt contagious as if it could resonate through him, tingling down his limbs and set in his bones. And as those pearly whites sank into his bottom lip, Nezumi felt himself give an uncharacteristic jerk at Shion's hair, fingers tangled in the mess yet again—funny how his hands always seemed to wander back toward that same place, how they'd always lock into that white mop he absolutely adored (and those extra inches made all the more for him to twist around and hang onto—because he was in _desperate _need of something to hang onto.)._

_There was a faint rustling below, one that made him consider assisting Shion, but no, he decided against it. Honestly, there was just something so endearing about the way those fingers of his fumbled about. That eager nature of his seemed to bring forth this strange sensation, one that felt hot and rapturous; it started at the pit of Nezumi's stomach and coursed upward steadily, making that previous burning feel renewed. Shion lacked experience, yet still felt an unyielding desire to please him, the way that he had already pleased Shion, and maybe, that, in itself, was what made Nezumi feel so.. flustered._  
_ It was almost laughable how only moments ago, Nezumi had been so fixed on this idea that he was unworthy of Shion's desires, and yet now, here he was submitting to each and every one of them, taking them as if they were his own._  
_ It begged the question: had Shion's resolve to touch him always been stronger than his to deny?_  
_ Seemed so.._  
_ One look in Shion's eyes, just one glance at that adoration, that infatuation, and, dare he even say—that love, made it clear, made that tiny "seemed so" turn into a definite "yes"._

_Somewhere between the snap and hook, they had stopped kissing. Their eyes had merely fallen upon one another, and Nezumi felt himself trapped beneath that gaze of Shion's. At this unearthly, ungodly speed, the seconds ticked by; it wasn't a quickened pace but instead an excruciatingly sluggish one. But it was at this rate that his fear seeped out of him, bit by bit, piece by piece, until he discovered little more within himself but that strange sensation from before, the one brought on by Shion's fervent nature._

_His breath hitched, then dropped; fingers clutched in frosty hair._  
_ Knuckles grazed down across his skin._  
_ He shivered, rolled his hips toward the motion._  
_ Fingers tugged away the fabric._

_Before the gasp could even leave his throat, Shion had finally touched him._  
_ Just like that. _  
_ Shion had really.._  
_ The realization barely sank in as those tightly coiled strains acted as a reins to jerk Shion closer to him, allowing Nezumi to kiss him _hard_. He couldn't contain the wash of understanding, the intensity of knowing exactly what this was. He was, for the first time ever, given the choice to indulge in pleasure, in someone's hands touching him—hands he wanted to glide over his skin, hands that were softer than he remembered yet, at the same time, just as he remembered. These were Shion's hands, ones he had felt time and time again, but never like this, even in his fantasies.. it was never like this._  
_ Their lips parted at Nezumi's accord, breaking with a wet line still lingering between them. His breaths were sharp and slipped into the gap between them, the fickle space that defined where one began and the other ended. Grey eyes peeked open, ever so slightly, this craving within them that begged Shion to do something, anything, to finally ease this built up tension. _  
_ He hadn't it in him to fight anymore._  
_ Rounding his hips against Shion's hand, Nezumi tipped his head to the side, engaging Shion in yet another lengthy kiss all the while, slipping a hand from his hair to cup Shion's cheek—more so, to hold him in place. The kiss was hungry, needy, and spoke what Nezumi hadn't felt the need to say. _  
_ ..After all, he had never once claimed to be a patient man._

* * *

**_S_**

* * *

_Shion had never felt as captivated in his life. The expression that appeared on Nezumi's face at his touch was one that he would never forget. The shiver that shook Nezumi's form hovering over him resonated within his own bones as eyes of deep red remained fixed on Nezumi's wild beauty; gaze languidly moving from the crease between his eyebrows with a drawn-out haze, to the corners of his eyes, the tips of his long lashes as Nezumi closed them shut, to the ripe swell of his bottom lip as it trembled with a silent gasp. A sense close to awe sent his heart in disarray at every trivial—no.. every __**grand**__— detail that his esurient eyes caught. Pronounced biceps in Nezumi's upper arms twitched as he undulated above him; hips rolling into his hand, sliding himself into his palm… Shion couldn't breathe._

_The kiss came out of nowhere. Shion barely had the breath to keep up with it but he did regardless. The hunger in which Nezumi kissed him, the feral abandon; the __**need**__ was so jarringly strong Shion momentarily lost all sense of direction. Where was up? Where was down? Whose tongue was it that prodded deep in his mouth? Was it Nezumi's hair tickling against the side of his face? Where did his body end? Where did Nezumi's start? The warmth was everywhere; it was above him, around him, it was in his palm; it was hot… so unbearably hot Shion felt the throbbing echo in his heart. His hand slid to the base, gently tugging back upwards. Nezumi broke the kiss with another shiver; his Adam 's apple bobbing with a groan he swallowed back and the sloppy trail of their kiss remained coated on their lips, catching on the wind of their mutual pants._

_This was madness.  
This was impossible.  
This was a dream._

_This was euphoria._

_How he felt that the orgasm that had torn him apart at the seams with blinding pleasure had somehow paled in comparison to the pleasure he felt now… how Nezumi's pleasure was __**his **__pleasure. How Nezumi's need was now both their need. Shion had never felt such powerful desire to do something for someone. The yearning to be the one to push Nezumi beyond the edge, to let him ascend, let him lose control; to let him fly in the haze of the same sweet fire that still glowed like embers in every pore of his skin, cleared his mind of every other thought. Nezumi was already so far gone, so lost in the sensation he took no notice of the redness tinting his neck and ears, the almost —but not quite— painful tugs his vice hold in Shion's hair delivered, the way he breathed hard and in jagged puffs against his lips. Shion wanted more, he wanted to hear his voice, make him say his name; make him soar and peak in his arms. __**More..**__ louder, harder, faster._

_Dark lashes opened in slits and blazing grey gushed out; enveloping Shion in a dizzying sense of trance. Shion was suddenly reminded of the one time he had watched a lunar eclipse and his lips parted as a deep sigh of utter marvel flowed into the space between their faces. Moving his hand from the nape of Nezumi's neck, Shion brushed his dark hair away from his face; fingers lacing in thick locks and holding them back in a firm grasp at the back of Nezumi's head. The craving in those eyes stole two beats from his heart. The grey was burning, animated with such vitality, a shudder crawled down his spine; forcing an involuntary jerk of his hips against Nezumi's body. Pulling Nezumi's head down, Shion crushed their lips together. He tasted his impatience, his thirst, his fire on his lips and Shion started moving his hand up and down Nezumi's length. Fingers curled around the shaft firmly, palm caressing the skin with each tug. Tilting his head, Shion swallowed Nezumi's pants, breathed in his scent, his hand in his hair closed into a fist and Shion felt himself being excluded from the rest of the world with Nezumi in his arms. Like a stray meteorite in the infinite expanse of the universe; alone and disconnected, they were drawn towards the gravity of the sun. They would collide and dissolve in the flames but neither of them cared enough about it to stop. They could __**not **__stop. Shion relished every roll of Nezumi's hips into his hand. Every one of them was recognized by the most primal part of his being; evocative of acts he had only dared to dream of but now thought were—maybe—possible. Each push drove their bodies up on the sheets and each draw dragged them back down. After the third thrust, Shion noticed there was a rhythm to it. He shifted the angle of his elbow outwards from his body and quickened his strokes; making them match Nezumi's thrusts. His lips slipped from Nezumi's with a gasp but remained on his skin, leaving open mouthed kissed across his jaw, down the small dale under his ear and around his earlobe. His left hand deliberately tugged at Nezumi's hair, tipping his head to the opposite direction as Shion's lips found his neck. His right hand was slick with precum, his body lent to the lithe roll of Nezumi's hips; his inexorable, needful, __**delicious **__search for a peak and his tongue brushed against Nezumi's neck; feeling the same frantic pulse he could feel in his hand. Shion tightened his hold and moved faster. Listening to Nezumi's breath, he could tell he was not far from getting there. There was an edge at the end of each tug—something he had only ever done to himself when he had closed his eyes to the thoughts of Nezumi, when he had touched himself—finishing each one with a hard, tight squeeze of his hand over the sensitive tip, only to stoke back down to the very base and __**repeat…**_

_Pulling his lips away from Nezumi's neck with a wet sound, Shion threw his head back. His eyes found the ethereal grey as effortlessly as ever and Shion knew they were only a few tugs away from colliding with the sun._

* * *

_**N**_

* * *

_As those fingertips, trembling, yet so startlingly sure, ran through his dark fringe, tugging it back away from his face, Nezumi found himself with only one focus, with only one object caught in the dead-center of his vision—and that was Shion. Peeking through lengthy lashes, just a crack, he set himself to Shion, set that smokey grey gaze on the source of all this pent up frustration, this unyielding desire. Nezumi's shame, the one that had been so gripping and sickening before, had began to wane away; the discomfort, embarrassment, all began to fade along with it as he accepted that the way he felt was inescapable. But then again, he hadn't really a yearning to escape Shion, escape all the feelings washing over him. _

_Hadn't that entire journey of his been all about returning with every intention of facing his feelings, his fears, and ultimately Shion? This was the moment, of which, he could finally prove to himself that he had changed, that he was willing to accept the push and pull of what this all meant, that he truly understood what it was to share his very being with another person: to share himself with Shion._

_A shine caught in his eye, one that went undetected for the time being, something he was thankful for, as the moisture continued to build at the staggering amount of emotions coiling themselves up inside him. He knew that if he dared open his mouth, the coiled would break and let all the build up burst out of him. It'd spring from his mouth in such a passionate way that he wouldn't be able to hide away any of the gory bits of himself, the tiny pieces that made him just as vulnerable and exposed as Shion had been mere minutes ago._

_So he kept his mouth shut, kept those teeth of his locked down tight on his bottom lip the moment Shion's mouth freed his. He refused to let himself be pathetic, weak.. and needy. _  
_ But as much as he hoped, prayed he'd not be undone—Shion's hips collided with his own, and he caved._

_It was a gasp followed by a light sigh that hung up at the tail-end, one with a tremble to it, the same as the one which resonated through his body at the weight of the movement. His fingers curled tight in Shion's hair, to the point where it might even be deemed painful for a split second, as his body went taunt._  
_ It all seemed to be slow, so deliberate and painfully languid, as if the seconds passed like hours, lurched forward at a pace that exhausted his patience, but in actuality, it was barely a minute, less than sixty seconds, and Shion was already jerking him downward again, dragging him back to those hot open mouthed kisses with wet tongues and a vulgar sense of need and eagerness. He barely registered his body's movements as he thrust into Shion's palm, lost in flighty kisses and drinking up each little sound escaping Shion—or was that his breath hitching? He couldn't tell._  
_ The situation seemed laughable really when he thought of how he told himself time and time again not to yield to temptation, and yet, here he was drawn in by Shion's charms: a cliched Eve reaching for that forbidden fruit begging for the sin over and over, just to know what it was to be human. Shion had seduced him, but there was a beauty to it, a twist in the tale that made it all the sweeter: Shion never had to try. He hadn't a need for sly tricks or thinly veiled schemes. No, all Shion needed were those painfully honest eyes.. and that painfully big heart. Simple two of his many weapons he wielded so splendidly without knowledge of them. Oh, how it begged the question: Who was the armed snake and who was the deceived maiden? While Nezumi had the wit and charisma, Shion was a natural, and clearly, that was far more dangerous than any trained act._

_Each tug caused Nezumi to thrust forward—desperate to create another source of friction, and ultimately, bring himself closer and closer to that upcoming orgasm. He had been holding back from the beginning, back when he thought it'd be easy to hide, to just deal with it later, but it had gotten this far, so far that he had given in, let Shion have his way.. _  
_ —but God, couldn't he go any faster?_  
_ At risk of his pride, Nezumi was willing to do practically anything to get to that point; he just wanted to get off as fast as possible now. This had gone on long enough, and it was finally nearing the time where he'd give himself something to _really_ be ashamed of. Like Hell, he'd want to become the wanton begging type in front of Shion, it was honestly the last thing Nezumi would expect from himself.. but now, it was becoming a horrifying possibility._  
_ Funny, he had really never thought himself to be a sexual creature—sure, he had sex appeal, but there was quite a difference between the two. One involved seducing strangers: pretty words and fake smiles. The other involved opening himself up to them, and he hadn't any interest in that. But clearly, this wasn't a stranger, wasn't just someone: this was Shion, and as always, that made all the difference. When it came to Shion, the usual rules crumbled, folded beneath his intentions, and Nezumi found himself startled by his lack of control, his lack of understanding. This was situation was just like all the others. One he never considered before Shion, but after Shion, it had invaded his mind from time to time: the idea of Shion touching him like this.. helping him reach his peak, but even then.. it still dulled in comparison to this moment now—oh god, it wasn't _even_ close to this._

_Those kisses left hot, wet trails to tear down his jawline across his neck. They burned in an oddly pleasant way that was foreign to him, a way that caused him to swallow hard and press his cheek against Shion's temple. He took shallow breaths, sucking in Shion's sweet scent.. the one with a heavy dose of vanilla and a dash of perspiration that turned it into this earthy, forest-like scent. It was intoxicating and.. familiar: like home. _  
_ And then, Shion's breath was coming out just as short and choppy as his own, in heavy pants against his skin. He was readjusting his hand, as if he figured out the angle down to a science, and Nezumi recognized briefly that it was such a Shion way, to just calculate it like that, to move in a certain accord rather than thoughtlessly. Nezumi couldn't help a small smile at the realization. He shut his eyes tightly, drawing his hips forward more and more, his hand uncurling from within Shion's hair to press against the space beside his head. He needed some leverage, and before he knew it, it was getting harder to swallow down those frail broken sounds begging to leak out. _  
_ And when they finally slipped out, they were small, low, at this controlled pitch that only someone like himself would keep at a time like this. But they changed gradually, grew in volume, became continuous until they were almost like short breaths.. but somehow, more jagged, and then, there were moans spliced in between—ones that hushed against the shell of Shion's ear as those lips kissed and tugged at it, trying to find some way to stay shut a moment more._  
_ Before long, Nezumi was far too close to hide it. He was at the edge, and he just couldn't hold back, couldn't keep himself together. His body picked up the pace, sliding in and out of Shion's slick palm, catching all the sounds—as vulgar as they were—that accompanied the motion along with the one's Shion's wet lips made as they popped away from his skin at place to place. _  
_ It was too much, and it wasn't nearly enough, and he was too alert, too aware, too sensitive, and God, he just wanted more, and more, and—_  
_**"Shion.."**_  
_ His hand found its way from the bed to Shion's shoulder. He clutched the fabric, ducking his head lower until it pressed roughly into Shion's other shoulder, buried in the crook of his neck—harsh breaths seeping through his lips._  
_ Oh god, he just wanted more._  
_**"Shion."**_  
_ Just a little.._  
_ Shion's name fell from his mouth in a hoarse moan, one without pitch control or actually.. any control. It was the shameless cry he had anticipated from before, the one of someone who had lost themselves for a split second, and before he could register what had happened, his hips were thrusting at a slower pace, one that milked out those final shivers of orgasm into Shion's palm, onto his fingers.. and maybe even spilled over onto his shirt._  
_ Nezumi bit his bottom lip, pressing his face closer to Shion's shoulder—wet eyes barely opening as the movements ebbed away to mere waves of tremors shaking through his body, skating along his nerves._

* * *

_********__-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-_

* * *

This is the ninth chapter of my roleplay thread with my partner A-Wanderer-No-More on Tumblr.

**Nezumi =** _A-Wanderer-No-More_. [a-wanderer-no-more. tumblr. com]  
**Shion =** Me at _Shion-of-No.6_ [shion-of-no6. tumblr. com]

This is a really long thread. I expect it to be around 10 chapters long. My partner and I decided on weekly updates here.  
I hope you'll enjoy it.

_**Preview image by Fujiroku **_**[** _fujiroku. tumblr. com_ **]**


	10. Chapter 10

_"So I wait for you like a lonely house_  
_till you will see me again and live in me._  
_Till then my windows ache."_  
_**― Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets**_

.

* * *

_**S**_

* * *

_The sounds came like the unpretentious drizzle of rain in a spring morning. Much like the soft pattering against tin roofs and wooden floor boards it started off gentle and low. A hitch barely audible and velvet soft against the shell of his ear; jagged draws of short breaths and lengthy sighs that tugged a second too long at the last note. Shion caught every single one of them, bits and pieces of Nezumi he had never witnessed before. A Nezumi he had never heard, had never seen, have never been able to even imagine. Each sound was a tiny droplet that fell teasingly on his parched skin but not nearly enough to quench his thirst for more. His yearning was blinding him._

_A part of him had always felt had Nezumi touched him, had he allowed Shion to touch him this way, his fiery nature, his stormy make-up would make it something almost too powerful of a feeling for Shion to bear and he had been right. He had been right all along. Nezumi never did anything half-heartedly. When he was decided on doing something, he never held back, he had no reservations, no safe-playing. For Nezumi, it was always an 'always or never' thing. And that's why there was such a crushing tangle of feelings, such an overwhelming sense of need in Nezumi's surrender to Shion. The sounds he made echoed in Shion's heart with painstaking precision for Shion was determined to memorize every nuance and every hitch of his voice as it cracked and slipped through clenched teeth. His hand moved with steady tugs, his lips brushed across the reddened skin of Nezumi's neck and Nezumi caved. He shuddered, undulated and he caved in his arms._

_The first moan that flowed into the narrow space between Nezumi's lips and his ear seemed to expand in Shion's chest, stealing a jagged gasp from him. Shion indulged in it, his entire being feeding off the sound covetously; feeling it intoxicate him, cloud his senses and drag him back into the dizzying waves of his lingering afterglow. His fingers tightened around Nezumi's arousal, jerking him off with a rhythm that increased as Nezumi rocked his hips into his hand in search of the peak Shion was so close to deliver to him. The sounds heightened, grew in volume, in rawness, in abandon. Nezumi was losing himself, his body rocking above Shion with tidal waves; his lips left wet kisses over Shion's ear as he panted and tried to keep himself quiet. He couldn't. Nezumi _couldn't_ keep quiet._

_Shion picked up the pace; his hand slipped over Nezumi's slick length faster and harder with a hold tighter than before. His other hand laced deeper into black locks as he used his hold as leverage to tilt Nezumi's head to continue leaving scorching, open mouthed kisses across his neck. The smell of him filled his nostrils with each desperate inhalation; rain, earth, leather, vanilla…Nezumi.. Nezumi..__**Nezumi**_. _Shion inhaled against the small curve under his ear, sucking in his succulent scent, filling his lungs with it, letting it suffuse him. His exhale was a moan, leaking into the fractional space between his wet lips and Nezumi's dewy skin. His lips trembled as a shiver ran down his spine; making his hips roll into Nezumi's in a languid thrust. _

_The drizzle became a downpour, soaking Shion down to the very bones as Nezumi abandoned all restrictions and his unearthly voice—the very voice that had told Shion stories of faraway lands and of free people and had recited fairy tales for him just an hour ago— caught every tone of need and non-syllabic plea. Shion was wrapped up in Nezumi's heat, enveloped in his crushing fire and his all-consuming desire and the intensity was so staggering he could barely breathe. Touching Nezumi like this, being as close to him, inhaling his scent, exhaling his breaths, limbs entangled and laced together… Shion felt himself more alive than he ever did, exposed and pulled naked into the fierce battering of wildest of storms. Uncontrolled, untamed, wild and primal; Nezumi's nature spoke to him in a way nothing else did and the very core of his being responded with aching need to reciprocate. His lips found Nezumi's ear and he whispered his name with a tremulous sigh; his voice was filled with a mystical awe and a searing sense of longing. He longed for his peak just as much as Nezumi did. He susurrated again and again; the name falling from his lips with blazing adoration as Nezumi drove their bodies up the mattress and dragged them back down with each thrust of his hips._

_And then he responded…_

_**"**__**Shion.."**_

_The name fell abruptly from his lips, just as the hand that suddenly gripped his shirt. Nezumi's fingers closed tight into a fist over his shirt as he breathed out his name and for one moment of painfully prolonged bliss Shion wanted to laugh, cry and cease to exist in Nezumi's arms all at the same time as the man he loved more than life itself called his name in needful abandon. Nezumi's head fell on his other shoulder, face hidden in the curve of his neck and his pants fanned against his skin and there was a sharp edge at the end of each thrust into his hand and then.. it happened __**again**__.._

_**"**__**Shion."**_

_Shion closed his eyes as he gave Nezumi the last few tugs he needed. Tilting his head, he kissed the top of Nezumi's head and let his lips remain there over the mess of midnight black hair while Nezumi breathlessly reached his peak, Shion's name flowed out of his lips and it was a cry and it sent goosebumps across Shion's burning skin. Nezumi shuddered in his arms with a release almost too powerful for him to keep himself together. Shion felt warmth—loaded, so hot, achingly intimate— spill into his hand, onto his fingers and spread on his stomach. His lower abdomen convulsed at the sense of unexpected heat licking his skin over his shirt and helplessly.. he shivered. Nezumi's movements slowed, hips rolling in languid, short thrusts as he rode his orgasm. Shion kept his hand moving until he was sure he had gotten every last drop out of him. Nezumi collapsed in his arms, face still buried in the crook of his neck and panting against his skin. Shion ran his left hand through his hair; down the nape of his neck, between the shoulder blades until it came to a rest over his back; right on top of the burn marks he could feel through the thin layer of clothing._

_Every puff of breath that brushed against his neck, every heartbeat thundering against his chest that wasn't his own, every last drop of Nezumi's release he could feel coating his skin gathered in a throbbing mass in Shion's heart; aching, threatening to split him open with the cutting intensity of his emotions. His gaze slid upwards, towards the ceiling and he realized that night had fallen. The quiescent golden light of the small bedside lamps illuminated the bed and a 5-feet wide area surrounding it but the rest of the room was taken over by shadows; a crepuscular darkness sheltering them from the rest of the world. For one beautiful moment, it was entirely too easy to conjure the scent of old books, imagine the amorphous silhouettes of aged wooden shelves and see the flickering light of a single kerosene lamp. Nezumi shuddered in his arms and Shion drew in one tremulous breath, releasing it into the tangled locks of Nezumi's hair._

_Their breaths fell into rhythm. Hearts steadying against one another in the silence neither of them felt the need to fill. Shion lifted his right hand to his face and stared at his fingers coated with Nezumi's release._

_Nezumi had swallowed his essence..The memory made his heart skip a beat as heat rushed to his face._

_He couldn't help but wonder… how it tasted like. Was it pleasant for Nezumi? How did Shion taste like to him?_

_… __How did Nezumi taste like?_

_Shion slowly brought his two fingers to his mouth. Eyebrows slightly knitted in wonder, he parted his lips and pressed his fingertips against the tip of his tongue. The first touch was barely enough to give him an idea, so he pushed his fingers in and deliberately sucked the liquid coating them._

_It was rich. Intense. Redolent. It had a sharp, evocative scent and a strong taste. 'It is like over-seasoned soup,' Shion idly thought. A smile curved his lips. It tasted like Nezumi's soup_._ He giggled to himself before speaking._

_"__I didn't think it would be so salty." _

* * *

_**N**_

* * *

_Shion.._

_He was everywhere, coiled around Nezumi tightly—so tightly that his bones just might snap, that his very foundation might split in two, leaving each and every story of build up to crumble, to cascade downward and blanket his remains with ruin. Shion was chaotic—chaos itself—and yet.. it was that same vice grip, that same enveloping and near suffocating embrace that stalled the seemingly inevitable collapse. Shion's being was both his salvation and damnation, and it was only in those fleeting moments, in a dizzy haze of post-orgasmic high, that Nezumi understood that truth: by those hands, with a simple flick of the wrist, Shion could throw his world into turmoil, leave him lost and delirious, aching for an ounce of control._  
_ Nezumi had, over the years, somehow relinquished bits and pieces of himself to Shion. They had been lost in small hours, in little moments—in a shared bed at twelve, in a dusty underground space amongst countless books, in a dingy hotel that reeked of dogs and vagrants, and even, in the back of a worn bakery, flopped down on a sofa, sipping hot coffee. But he hadn't missed them, those parts of himself; in truth, he barely realized they had been lost at all. The day he stepped away from Shion, ventured off into the expanse of blue just beyond the hilltop, Nezumi hadn't understood just how much of himself remained._  
_ But now, he had finally grasped at the gravity of it, just barely, but it was enough for him to vaguely understand._  
_ And this was just the beginning._

_A hand, gentle.. and soothing—near caressing—filtered through his hair, before stroking skin to skin, and it was that touch that carried with it a searing sensation, one that drew a fiery path along his neck, across his shoulder blades, and down his spine. It tore through the thin fabric of his shirt, leaving this scorching tingle along the jagged edges of his aged scar tissue, but.. it was an oddly pleasant feeling. It carried that same all-consuming nature of flames, but this wasn't a destructive type of burning, but instead, a comforting one—like bundling up before a fireplace after trekking through miles upon miles of snowy terrain. _  
_ He felt.. at ease. _  
_ His journey had finally ended, and here he was, ready to collapse into Shion's arms—fully spent._  
_Moments ago, he had been so enthralled, so wrapped up and thrown into madness, and now, his body was creeping into a steady descent of activity, waning off into a relaxed state, one that left him leaning into each and every touch. Head still tucked away from Shion's wandering gaze, Nezumi indulged in those fingertips lightly slipping through his hair, petting him as if it were finally time for him to rest, finally time for him to settle into a sleep he hadn't known he ached for so desperately.. until to sprung up upon him. It was a somewhat airy feeling.. one he hadn't ever experienced fully, or at least.. not one he had a memory of. The closest he could recall was the last time he had lied in bed with Shion, had those arms wrapped around him: it was the last time he had allowed himself to slip out of consciousness and straight into a state of dreaming._  
_ Though, he hadn't any intentions of falling asleep just yet._  
_ No, he was simply.. resting his eyes for now._  
_ He nudged his face closer, tucked it toward Shion's neck, hiding beneath his line of sight for the time being._

_And when he opened his eyes once more, when he let them readjust after the physical and emotional experience he had just endured, Nezumi became acutely aware of the time change. There was a dash of surprise in him to find that somehow the darkness had crept up on the pair of them without his knowledge, but he hadn't found it in him to care much beyond that. It was just another detail, just another fact directing the two of them toward what would naturally come in the cycle of things: the thing that he wasn't entirely sure he wanted.. but clearly, needed._  
_ Nezumi wasn't the type to have irrational fears, nor was he really the type to let his mind linger on senseless things.. but there was something hanging just outside of his consciousness, a part of him that couldn't fully shake the fear that it was all a dream. He had visions before, plenty of them, night after night, of being reunited with Shion only to reawaken and find the sun breaking over the horizon of some distant city, one months away from No.6. _  
_ More than anything, he needed to know that this was reality._  
_ So he fixed himself to what was tangible, what his senses could take in and register. Shion's heartbeat, a frantic pace that raced to the speed of his own, was real—there was no doubting that—and he was positive he hadn't ever felt it pound so rapidly in his own chest, that he actually hadn't ever felt a person's heartbeat this closely, this quickly. It couldn't be a dream, nor could that warmth; he had felt Shion's embrace before, had felt those arms wrap around him in the best and worst of times, but never like this, never with so much passion that it felt like catching fire, like the heat was coursing through his veins. And finally, that breath, the one Shion had drawn in, face pressed to his hair, was unfamiliar. None of this was familiar; this closeness was a new concept for the both of them. But that was what made it so clear: this was reality, a new reality they were building. _  
_ If he let sleep take hold of him, he'd reawaken to find himself bound up in Shion._  
_ He hadn't a need to fear this happiness, to view it with his usual apprehension.. because he was home._

_And he probably should have let himself slip away with that thought. He probably should have just kept his head turned away, hidden from Shion's face because the moment he finally cast an eye toward the other man.. he caught sight of that curious expression, of those bright wine red eyes lit up in a way that could only lead to trouble. And oh god, the way Shion sucked at his own fingers, cleaned Nezumi's cum clear off them, it made a shiver shoot up Nezumi's spine, made his teeth sink back down onto his own lip, and he stared, just stared at Shion, as if awaiting some explanation. But none came, instead, he heard this silly giggle bubble up out of Shion, a tiny smile playing on his lips as if he had learned something fantastic that the world needed to know. That sense of wonder hadn't ever left Shion, and for that, Nezumi wasn't sure if he should be grateful or not, especially when he voiced his thoughts in a way that gave Nezumi a bit of secondhand embarrassment._  
_ He groaned—half out of frustration and half out of exasperation._  
_**"..Idiot. Don't go putting that stuff in your mouth."**_  
_If he had it in him, he might have played up his voice to sound more like a mother reminding a child to do as she says, not as she does, but the exhaustion spared Shion to extra teasing._

_He lifted his hand, even as his limbs protested to the movement, and shimmed his fingertips through Shion's—not giving much care to the miss; it all washed off in the shower—pressing their joined hands back against the sheets. The other hand rose to brush a few fickle strains of Shion's hair back away from his forehead, where the perspiration had made it cling to his skin._  
_ And Nezumi stared, just stared down at Shion with a strange sense of satisfaction, a sense of completion. It showed in his eyes, revealed itself through his mouth.. in the form of a soft smile._

_ "__..This feels right."_

_He said nothing, simply leaned forward, let his lips skate across Shion's before planting a light, feathery kiss on them. They had enough passion, enough tension, enough roughness; no doubt their lips would be bruised come morning, but it was worth it, any little aches and pains this night brought forth come tomorrow would be worth it._

_Nezumi lingered for only a moment more before willing his body to climb off of Shion._  
_ He gave a low promise to return, heading toward the restroom again to clean himself up, all the while, far too eager to crawl back in bed, to wrap himself up in Shion.. because he knew, without a doubt, that was where he belonged._

* * *

_**S**_

* * *

_Nezumi's groan somehow made the entire thing seem a lot more amusing than it was. His chosen word of endearment fell warmly on Shion's ears; familiar, unrehearsed, habitual. The reprimand that followed was so contradictory—so typically Nezumi—Shion couldn't help the soft laughter that bubbled up in his chest and escaped his lips._

_"__I knew it could be done like that." He heard himself speak candidly. "I mean, the way you did it but I didn't know how it tasted like." He flashed a goofy smile. "I liked it."_

_Nezumi's movement as he rose was unexpected. He caught Shion's hand, lacing his fingers through his own, paying no heed to the residue of wetness coating them and he pushed their entwined hands back on the sheets. His other hand was gentle as fingertips moved against his forehead, brushing the dewy fringes of snowy white hair away from his sticky skin with feather-light touches. Shion gazed up at him while curiosity, wonder and marvel glowed in his golden tinted eyes of red wine._

_Something in the very depths of his heart ached in pulsating waves with a kind of love so strong; he felt his breath catch in his throat. His lips parted at the sight of pure compassion, adoration and satisfaction pouring out of Nezumi's eyes. The grey he had been helplessly drawn to for eight years was ablaze, gleaming with life and with the __**same**__ grounding feeling Shion had always felt in his bones. The one thing that had shattered, torn, __**broken**__ their converse, unforgiving, jagged edges in countless pieces before welding them in the heat of its fire, reshaping both their frames and building them anew so that they could touch without scarring, kiss without tainting, whisper confessions without scaring and love without holding back. Shion's own reflection glazed the silver of Nezumi's eyes and Shion was shaken with the realization of their true coalescence. The feeling that he had felt burning behind his eyes every time those succulent lips spoke of walls that separated people, differences that were too big to bridge, hatred that was too strong to forget and enemies they were sure to become… The feeling that had ensnared his heart in a vice, vicious hold when Nezumi had walked away from him, turning his back to Shion's outstretched hand and his open heart… The feeling that had greyscaled Shion's world and had left him trapped in a monochrome cage that continuously reminded him of the one thing he endlessly yearned for… not a single second of any of it was unreciprocated. What flowed out of Nezumi's eyes and enveloped Shion with the same passionate warmth his arms had done moments ago was the single most powerful proof that those feelings were shared for both of them. Mutually. Equally strong. It was no truth that Shion didn't already know—he had never questioned Nezumi's feelings—but seeing it so openly like this was something so overwhelming his throat caught fire and a deep sigh fell in between their faces._

_Nezumi closed the distance, lips fleetingly brushing against his own before pressing ever so lightly. Shion closed his eyes as his free hand slowly ran down over Nezumi's shirt and came to a stop over the small of his back. Although he could still count the number of the kisses he had had with the fingers of his single hand, he didn't need to ask Nezumi what this one meant. Every fiber of his being was in perfect tune with Nezumi and everything he felt. In that moment, they were the same._

_'__This feels so right…'_

_The thought echoed in his mind and its warmth suffused him. Shion smiled with glowing contentment as Nezumi lifted himself up. His eyes lingered momentarily at the front of Nezumi's pants before traveling north and finding his gaze. They stared at each other for a moment before Nezumi excused himself with a promise to return and Shion nodded at him, his smile widening on his reddened face._

_As he heard the bathroom door close, Shion rolled onto his side and buried his face in his pillows. Nezumi's scent had already become a part of his bed. He was filled to the brim with it and yet he inhaled and indulged in the pleasant shiver it gave him. He wanted to laugh but he also felt on the verge of tears. The sound of running water reached his ears and for one moment of untamed desire Shion couldn't help but imagine how Nezumi must look like fully naked under the warm water—in his own shower. The ache in the pit of his lower abdomen brought him back to his senses and he got up from the bed and turned on the bedroom lights before walking to his wardrobe to change. His reflection on the mirror mounted on his wardrobe made him stop. Eyes of deep crimson examined the tangled flurry of white hair, the flushed expression, reddened lips. He raised a hand, lightly touching the swell of his scar on his neck. The mark Nezumi left was visible even against the pale red band. His heart skipped a beat when his fingers brushed over it and the sensitive skin prickled with the same grazing ache Nezumi's mouth had given him. A smile, bright and alive, curved his lips before his eyes caught sight of the shoulder of his shirt where it had darkened with wetness._

_He stood there for a few grinding seconds, staring at the mark with a bemused frown before pulling the shirt off of him. He was holding the cloth in his hand and looking down at it with confusion when suddenly understanding dawned on him. His heart throbbed in his chest and he raised his head, turning towards the bathroom_

_Shion hadn't noticed… he hadn't realized it at all…_

_Shion's hand closed tightly around the cloth as he listened to the steady sound of water with a growing ache in his chest. In the four years they had been apart, the way Nezumi's tears made him feel hadn't changed at all. There was no one else in the world Shion wanted to protect more than he wanted to protect Nezumi. He never wanted him to feel pain, suffering, sadness, fear, worry, confusion. Just thinking about the long years Nezumi had spent in the underground room all alone made him feel a crushing sense of sorrow. The tightness in his heart grew as he held the shirt that held remnants of both Nezumi's pleasure and his pain. The feeling threatening to split his chest open was heavy, powerful, selfless.. infinitely unconditional. It was unadulterated love._

_And it was Shion's truth; he heard it resonate through his being._

_—__I will take care of you._

_…_

I will take care of you.

It had been three months and the words continued to reverberate in his mind. Shion's heart ached for the man waiting for him at home. He was still not used to returning to his apartment and finding Nezumi there. With his books, with his cooling coffee, with the blankets he carried around and his smell that seemed to fill every room in… his existence still took Shion's breath away; making him stop in the middle of his tracks and watch the graceful movements of his lithe body as he walked to their kitchen, as he dropped himself on the couch in the living room with a worn copy of _Swan's Way_ or simply stare at him as Nezumi looked over his shoulder to speak to him with a smile playing on his lips. Shion did not understand how the very heart he felt was killing him with its unforgiving tightness could feel so large now, larger than life; larger than he could even comprehend. But Nezumi had taught him better than that; he no longer tried to understand. He simply accepted it.

Shion's footsteps crunched on the snowy pavement. Plumb clouds of pure white continued to shed snow over the city and Shion walked to his apartment with his gloved hands pushed deep in his pockets and the lower half of his face buried under his scarf. His breath filtered through the wool and sent amorphous fumes of white into the air like ephemeral signs from the high heavens, leading him back home.

Rounding the corner, Shion pulled his keys from his pocket. The coldness of the metal seeped through the fiber of his glove as he walked past the sublime weeping willow tree standing outside his apartment. Naked branches caressed the top of his hat but he barely noticed it. In two strides, he climbed up the steps leading to the apartment's main gate.

He would be there, Shion knew. He had no doubt he would be. What made his hands shake as he unlocked the door into the apartment and his heart quicken wasn't some doubt that he wanted to clear out. It wasn't the need to prove it to himself that for the past three months he hadn't been merely dreaming; a dream of the best kind—the warmest, most beautiful, most enrapturing kind—it was the simple fact that Nezumi was _there, _waiting for him to return that made him want to run. He wanted to return to him; to his observing gaze and his knowing smile and his gentle hands and his low voice. To the scent of his soup and the taste of the cup of coffee he made. To the sound of his reading through pages and the sound of his footsteps. To the burning feel of his lips over his and the heat of the fire glowing in his grey eyes.

Shion wanted to return to him.  
The elevator would be faster but Shion took the stairs. Skipping every second step, he climbed up a floor and stood before the door to their apartment. Pulling his scarf down his face, he tried to push the key into the keyhole and finally got inside.

Nezumi was waiting for him.

…

Shion had fallen asleep in Nezumi's arms the day he had returned. When Shion had gotten out of the shower, it seemed Nezumi had long since fallen into a deep sleep. After pulling on a clean pair of sweatpants, Shion had climbed into bed next to him. He had watched his face; eyes listlessly following every line and curve, drinking in every detail the years had preserved and had added to him. Only when his heart had finally slowed down to its regular rhythm had Shion let out a small breath, lying down beside him. He had scooted closer under the covers, draping an arm over his chest; bringing them closer than they had ever been while sleeping. Nezumi's bare skin felt quiescently warm against his own and Shion had closed his eyes with an artless contentment, breathing against the curve of Nezumi's neck. But Nezumi's arm had curled around him, a sure and swift movement; pulling Shion closer than he previously had been. Shion had looked up at his face only to find the elusive vestige of his infamous half-smile.

Nezumi had waited for him.

…

Shion walked towards the man standing in the hallway with a blanket draping over his shoulders. Winter was still within every fold and crease of Shion's clothes and ingrained into his skin but Nezumi raised his arms, lifting the blanket and spreading it open like a makeshift gate to his chest with an inviting smile melting in his grey eyes. Covering the distance barely took a second and Shion was wrapped up in Nezumi and his spring warmth and in everything he ever was and everything he ever would be.

* * *

_**N**_

* * *

The transition between his memories and the tick of the clock was a gradual one; far more seamless than the one preceding it, but, just as before, there was this jarring sense of reality to how much time had slipped passed him: virtually undetected but now glaringly obvious. Somewhere in the folds of it, Nezumi had gotten tangled up, lost even—for roughly an hour—and even though he wasn't the type to get hung up on minor details, something about that.. really irked him.  
Shion hadn't gotten back yet.  
_But why hadn't he gotten back yet?_  
The secondhand was mocking him by this point; Nezumi was sure of it. It had somehow gotten louder.. _yet slower_, moving in this listless pace, like a child dragging his feet to do his chores, the ones he knows he better _damn well_ do and do _right_. And yet, it seemed no matter how desperately Nezumi wanted time to pass, for that unruly child to do as he should, time lurched onward just the same with a methodical tick-tock.  
Why couldn't this near eternal stillness just pass? He just wanted Shion to return, for him to bring with him an air of warmth and welcome, the kind the apartment was currently lacking. His absence left a space, a near gaping hole in the wall that let all the icy winter winds leak in. The chill sapped away any of the usual comfort Shion's warmth brought. No matter how much of a home this place had become to Nezumi, it only remained so when Shion's presence was felt, when his radiance cut through the cold and filled every corner.

He berated himself, his thoughts, and his irritation.  
Today felt like a test of his endurance, one clearly marked in big, bold letters as: _failed_, especially if Shion didn't burst through the doorway soon, if he didn't tear through the cold and toss himself into Nezumi's arms like some romantic sap from a cheesy romcom.  
Usually, the image would make Nezumi cringe, and the fact that it didn't made him cut himself down another notch.  
_Why are you being so pathetic?_  
He was the child here, the immature, selfish, and unruly brat who couldn't wait a few hours. Shion had spent years awaiting his return, four of them, and here Nezumi was grinding his teeth to the gums over a few hours of loneliness. Sure, the cold hadn't helped his mood, nor had the break in their usual weekend routine, in their usual hours spent together..  
He chastised himself with a long groan of annoyance.  
Shion had left today for a reason, had even offered to take Nezumi along. He hadn't a right to feel this way, and yet, Nezumi found that no matter how much he criticized himself and tried to busy his restless mind, nothing could steal him away from that strange sense of longing.  
It lingered, sank into his very bones a way even the cold couldn't.  
But why?  
_The memories.. it's probably the memories._

Of course a room would feel so much colder after revisiting the first night he bent beneath the weight of Shion's passion, of his heat, his fire.

Nezumi stretched himself lengthily across the arm of the sofa, releasing a hefty sigh: a drug out exhale and inhale, before rolling on his side. Hamlet had begun a sluggish climb over the mess of books tossed atop the table, but the moment Nezumi turned his way, he stopped, gazed at his master, and then cocked his head, giving a small chirp.  
**"What?"**  
Another.  
**"He's out. Shion can't read to you."**  
Cravat wiggled from beneath two particularly thick novels to join in on the conversation, a vain attempt at helping Hamlet get his way.  
**"No."**  
And then, as if waiting for a cue, Tsukiyo chimed in, before scoffing at his master's behavior. Out of the trio, he was least willing to deal with an agitated Nezumi, and thus, lead the others back toward the pet bed, reasoning with them that it would be best to just sleep and let Shion handle such a moody person—and Nezumi realized, yet again, that the mice had too much personality; that, too, irked him.

Nezumi readjusted himself, curled his limbs tightly beneath the afghan and screwed his eyes shut, attempting to fix his thoughts on something else, anything else really, just something to pass the excruciating amount of minutes left before Shion's return. And what came to mind was a moment, a single moment that had carried over from the memories of their first night together: it had been when he awoke in middle of that night, to find himself wrapped up in Shion, and Shion curled around him. They had been knotted together in a jumbled up, fixed, sort of way, and it had been so warm, so hot, that he had considered untangling their limbs from one another just to give Shion some space to breathe, to give himself some cooler air. And somehow, as if Shion had heard that quiet thought, the tiny idea that Nezumi might put space between them, he had roped himself tighter around Nezumi, pulled them together just a smudge more, until Nezumi felt Shion's steady heartbeat against his own chest. He had been asleep, sound asleep, and yet, even in that deep sleep, he had reacted to Nezumi's thoughts.  
Nezumi hadn't asked about it the following day, not because he had forgotten or because he wasn't interested, but more so because he hadn't a need to ask. They had always been bound to one another in that sort of way, in a way that overlapped their consciousness from time to time, and it made Nezumi wonder now, if Shion were on his way up those steps, if he were climbing the stairway and racing up to meet Nezumi's need for him.

He rose from the sofa, blanket coiled around him in a last effort to fight back the cold, to hang onto that warm memory, and he took steady steps across the icy tiles, soaking in the memories every bit of this apartment had to offer him, each moment that put the heat of summer to shame. This home held parts of Shion's life during a time he hadn't seen, but it also held countless parts of a newly built life, of a life they were forming with one another here.  
Time had passed, and time would always pass.  
This was proof, right here, the fact that he could trace back the past three months of all they had built, all they had created with each other in these walls, and there was still time, still so much ahead of them. A day, a month, a year, or four, maybe even twelve, no matter how much time drug its feet, no matter how often it lurched, it would always pass eventually.  
Time waits for no one.

The door opened, a final testament to the fact that time had passed, had brought back the one who made this house a home, and Shion stood in the doorway, snow caught in every crease, hanging onto him in some bitter attempt to win with numbers. But Nezumi would have none of that; he spread open the blanket wide, inviting Shion toward him with a smile, inviting Shion _home_, and there wasn't even a second's hesitation, not even a trace of it as Shion crossed the distance between them, tossing himself in Nezumi's arms and curling up in the warmth they provided.  
A small shiver shot up Nezumi's spine as he roped his arms snugly around Shion's snow covered form, burying his face in that weather worn scarf hanging loosely on his neck, and shutting his eyes; he just indulged in the heat trapped beneath Shion's clothes, the heat that not even the winter winds could snuff out, and that's what it felt like to be home, Nezumi decided, it was having a warmth that not even the coldest of days could smother.

**"****Welcome home."  
** He cupped Shion's icy cheeks in his warm palms, stroking the slightly reddened skin with a loving touch, and then, all at once, leaned down and properly welcomed him home.

* * *

_._

_._

_._

_"For the two of us, home isn't a place. It is a person. And we are finally home."_  
_**― Stephanie Perkins**_

_._

_._

_._

* * *

**THE END **

* * *

This is the tenth and last chapter of my roleplay thread with my partner A-Wanderer-No-More on Tumblr.

**Nezumi =** _A-Wanderer-No-More_. [a-wanderer-no-more. tumblr. com]  
**Shion =** Me at _Shion-of-No.6_ [shion-of-no6. tumblr. com]

This is a really long thread. I expect it to be around 10 chapters long. My partner and I decided on weekly updates here.  
I hope you enjoyed it.

_**Preview image by Fujiroku **_**[** _fujiroku. tumblr. com_ **]**


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